Since you guys have been waiting for so long, while I'm editing the next chapter, I thought I'd give you a sneak at what is coming up!

May, 1994

Bina POV

The rain was lovely. It painted over everything with a shade of gray. It almost created a monochromatic scene and I enjoyed feeling lost in it. I walked through the small town with my hood up and collar popped so that no one would notice me. I was in complete anonymity. Bad Wörishofen, I thought to myself, Who has even heard of Bad Wörishofen?

I was thankful that my people had found this little German town, though. I wouldn't have been able to have had such a restful time, sleeping in every day, no calls from the record label, massages, and the occasional trip to Munich, Berlin, and their respective castles and art museums. I skipped down the street, making a point to jump in all of the puddles, enjoying the complete relaxation. I turned my face to the sky and let the rain drops plop and smear all on my face. A huge splinter of lightning split the sky and was followed by deep rumbling thunder. I decided to head back home before I was struck and found later on, burnt into a crisp.

I came back to my little rented cottage and my assistant was there, sitting at the small wooden table.

"Hey, Tamisha. Is everything okay?"

"Um...I don't know." She spread her palms across the table.

"I think you'll have to decide. Why don't you take a seat?" She motioned to the one next to her.

"Uh, oh. Am I in trouble with the record label again?" I asked with a smirk, as I settled into the chair. She tried to smile back, but failed and then I knew that something was really up.

"I know that it is a personal matter so I am just going to give you the facts and the message and let you be." She looked at me intently.

"Okay." Her lips were tight, almost looking like a crack in the ground and then she began to speak.

"Last night — in the middle of the night — I received several calls from California —"

"What time exactly?"

"From 3:30 to 4 A.M."

"Okay, continue."

"At first, whoever it was didn't speak, they would just hang up right when I said hello. At around 3:50, they finally spoke."

"Hello?"

"Tamisha?"

"This is she. May I ask with whom I am speaking?"

"...Tamisha I need to speak to her. Please." He whispered.

"Who is this?"

"I can't..." In the background there was a voice and I heard him say, "No, thank you. I am fine. That will be all for tonight, you can go home."

"I'm going to have to hang up if you won't tell me who you are." I cut in.

"..."

"Okay, goodbye —"

"It's Michael. Please let me speak to her."

"Oh...I'm sorry, but she's asleep. Can I take a message?"

He sighed and said,

"Tell her to please call me. Tell her — God. I wanted to say it myself. I wanted to tell her myself. Tell her I am so sorry."

"Is there a number where she can reach you?"

"I'm sorry. Never mind. Please don't tell her I called." He hung up.

As I took in everything that she said, I realized that I had stopped breathing once she said his name. All of the muscles in my body that had been so relaxed before hand, were now as taught as wire. I felt the air enter my lungs through my nose, and I held it in as I calmed myself to try to make sense of what happened.

"So... he called me?" I exhaled.

"Yes."

"And he didn't want me to know that he called...?"

"Yes."

"But you told me anyway?"

"I am your assistant, not his." I smiled, enjoying the loyalty despite my confusion at the situation.

"Okay, so that's not too bad."

"Well, that is not it. I just got news that some very...um...big changes have happened in his life."

"Like what?" She reached out and grabbed my hand and then looked to me and said,

"Michael married Lisa Marie Presley two days ago." I felt it like a punch, slow and long and it seemed to go right through me. I lost track of my surroundings, and everything started to melt and shift. The rain, the colors of the room, Tamisha's face, all faded into a low hum. I was aware that my mouth was hanging open; I was aware of the hot tears streaming and staining my face; I was not aware of how loudly I was crying. I did not know how I made it to the bed when I woke up. And, just for a second, I didn't remember. But then I turned to the window and saw Tamisha asleep in the chair and I remembered and it felt bitter like despair. I remembered how the pain from before came in flavors — ache, sting, acid, fire — and this was one of many to come.

I wake again and see that Tamisha is gone. It is night now. I stretch my palm over the space near my body, and memory floods back. I could still feel the warmth from his body on the sheets next to me, even though it was years ago. If I could have bottled it, I would have kept it while I traveled and maybe those lonely nights where not even the chants of the fans could comfort me would have been bearable. Maybe the tears that I cry now and every other night like this would dry faster if I always knew that he was only gone for a minute; just beyond the stairs to get something, or only down the hall. But I cry now because I know I can't have him. He won't be mine. Not now.

                                                              ************************

Michael POV

The rain beat against the window of my office as I looked out onto my land. Neverland. It washed everything and the rhythm almost let me forget who I was, where I was, and how I was. I furrowed my eyebrows and pinched the bridge of my nose as if that would remove the constant blistering thoughts that plagued my mind day and night.

"It usually doesn't rain this hard." Lisa said from the doorway. She came and wrapped her hand in mine resting her chin on my shoulder.

"Yeah. I know."

"Maybe it's a sign for us." She said jokingly. My body became rigid for a second, thinking that she might know about the calls that I had made last week but I remembered that she was out of the house. She didn't know. She couldn't know.

"Maybe." I agreed.

"C'mon, let's go."

"I'll meet you in a minute."

"But, we're going to be late. Jane will be waiting on us."

"I said, I will meet you in a minute." My words were cool. I didn't mean to be so algid but I couldn't help the tone of the words flowing from my mouth. They were coming from inside of me, and inside of me was cold. She released my hand and walked away saying,

"Okay, grumpy." Oh, I was more than grumpy. But then again I couldn't compare how I was feeling up against something as simple and one sided as grumpy. You're grumpy when you don't get enough sleep. You're grumpy when people irritated you all day. But are you grumpy when you hurt yourself and keep doing it in the same spot? But what about when you stab yourself in the chest over and over again? You're on a bed of nails and you get up realizing that everywhere you go is covered in nails and thorns. No matter how you move, you'll get hurt. There's a place just outside that is full of sunshine and softness, but you don't know if you'll make it out to there, fighting your way through the pain. You think you should try. Or would it be better to lay back on the bed of nails because, after a while, you can start to ignore the pain. After a while, you can get rid of feeling, and not have to tear yourself apart for a happiness that is not promised. Ignore the pain. And, after a while, everything becomes the same.

When I knew that Lisa was long gone, I gripped the windowsill because it felt like the only thing stable in the room that would keep me in this world. I wouldn't let myself cry about this. Not again. She made her decision years ago and I can't feel bad for finally making mine.

I can't I feel like I betrayed her. After all of these months that have passed since I have last spoken to her, let alone seen her, I can't I feel like I'm cheating, but letting go feels awful.