I Will Always Love You Chapter: 95

Michael POV

I stayed in my seat after the show to wait for most of the people to leave. I wasn’t interested in getting mobbed or answering questions tonight. After I was sure that I would be safe, I left my seat to look for Bina. Down below, I could see a few servers were still out on the floor cleaning up and restoring order to the sea of tables and chairs left in disarray. The halls were so quiet that I could hear the scuffing of my shoes echo even though I was walking on carpet. I got down to the bottom floor and I headed towards the kitchen to see if she was finished yet. I spotted her and on my way over I could tell that she was absolutely exhausted. I began to get disappointed because that would probably mean that she wouldn’t feel like practicing the riff, and that meant that I wouldn’t spend much more time with her. I approached her, ready to say goodbye and head home.

“Hey.” She looked at me with tired eyes, but they still had that fiery sparkle. Fatigue filling her voice, she replied,

“Hey…” She looked at me intensely for a moment, took a deep breath, and then said, “Alright, you ready?”

“For what?”

“To teach me,” she said matter-of-factly.

“The riff?”

“Isn’t that the whole reason you came out tonight?” She winked at me. I thought to myself,

Actually, no. That really wasn’t at all why I came and I think you know exactly why I’m here.

 I would never say that out loud though. I said,

“Right. I just thought that you would be kind of tired, y’know?”

“Nah, I’m ready. Let’s hit it.” 

I said in my head,

You have everlasting energy, don’t you? I love it.

We sat down at one of the aisle tables to begin the lesson. Her mother had come by to tell her that they were getting ready to leave, but I offered to take her home so that we could finish. I noticed that Ms. Barbara wasn’t surprised to see me even though she most likely knew why I hadn’t been around. She gave me a warm hug and then they left. I turned my attention back to Bina, and she pointed out where she got entangled in the notes. I figured out what she was hung up on, and sang it slowly so that she could hear each note. Try after try it got better until finally – 

“I got it!” She yelled. I couldn’t help but smile at her sheer joy. She did it over and over for me to hear, and each time was even more beautiful than the last. She stopped at one point and said,

“I’m not trying to offend you or anything,” she paused raising her eyebrows and holding up a finger, “but I would’ve done it maybe just a little differently.” Her voice ending on an apologetic lilt.

“Oh, really? Alright, let’s go.” I challenged her. What came out of her mouth next was pure soul.

“I dig it! I wish I had done that.” She laughed and then checked the time. Her eyes bulged and she breathed,

“It’s almost 12 AM.” My heart sank, but I tried to perk up and say what I knew I should,

“Okay, let me get you home.” She looked at me with that spark in her eyes and said,

“What’re you talking about? I’m hungry!” I smiled and asked,

“Pinks is the only place I know of will be open this late. Want a hot dog?” I paused and thought to myself,

My gosh. I have a chance to take her to dinner, and all I can think of is hot dogs.

I quickly followed with,

“It’s a pretty groovy place —”

“That’s just my flavor, man. Let’s go.” She grabbed her jacket and led the way through the back door. We headed to my car and thankfully, the paparazzi had dispersed by that point.

I opened her door and helped her in before closing it. I stopped for a moment to watch her settle into the seat then walked to the driver’s side with the happiest feeling in my chest. I was excited to spend more time with her, but I remembered the other thing that I had to do tonight.

FLASHBACK TO LAST YEAR…

I was in a daze when La Toya sped through the door leaving me alone with Joseph and my swirling thoughts. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My gut kept telling me to look for my walkie talkie, so I excused myself and barreled up the stairs. I almost crashed right into La Toya, who was walking in the opposite direction down the hall.

She jumped and let out a little screech.

“Oh my gosh, Casper! You startled me!”

“What were you just doing?”

"Walking. Is that a problem?" She smartly asked.

"You know what I'm talking about." La Toya grew serious, her eyes searching my face for some reason. She said in a very measured tone,

"I don't know what you're talking about.”

"That whole debacle downstairs with Joseph, and this date with Donna? Why do you keep pushing that?”

"Casper, that's the smartest move you've made in the last six months for your reputation and your career. Plus, Joseph is thrilled.”

"I know you're up to something.”

She brushed me off saying,

"Oh, you're so suspicious. Look,  I'm hungry." With that, she disappeared down the steps before I could say another word.

I walked in my room, looking around, but everything seemed to be in place. I walked to the bin where I kept my walkie talkie, and there it was, sitting where I left it. Right before I put the top back on, I saw it... The red power button was lit. La Toya had the walkie talkie, but what for? She must have had it in Joseph's office which meant...someone was listening. And that was most likely Bina…

Oh no.

I immediately grabbed the walkie talkie and headed down the stairs looking for La Toya. I could not believe that she would deceive me. She is my sister – she is supposed to be on my team – but then she does something like this? I found her in the kitchen taking out a bowl of strawberries from the refrigerator. 

“La Toya, what did you do?”

“You’ve got to try these strawberries! They’re so good. Janet and I were dipping them in whipped cream so you better get some before we eat them up —!”

“Stop playing, and tell me what you did.”

“Why so angry? Gosh, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“La Toya, please. Save it. I am hoping to god that you did not do what I think you did.”

“Calm down. What are you trying to say?” I could see her trying to hide the fact that she was becoming fearful. I held the walkie talkie up to her and said,

“You forgot to turn it off. The question is, was someone listening?”

She flushed, making her look quite vinous. She pursed her lips and shook her head before saying.

“If you just listen, you’ll hear that I did it because I am trying to help.”

“Oh my god…I can’t believe you did that… Bina was listening wasn’t she? Wasn’t she!?”

“Stop yelling! Hear me out, will ya? I’m protecting you –”

“Protecting me!? You betrayed me! –”

“Please just listen! I saw her with Nelson this morning!” A pang of jealousy exploded in my heart even though I knew the truth.  La Toya continued,

“How can you trust her? You don’t know her! You don’t know what she could do –” I cut her off feeling all of the muscles in my body clenching, trying to stop me from yelling.

“No, see that’s where you’re wrong. The person I don’t know is you. I thought you were someone who would always look out for me, but you just proved me wrong. I do know her, and I do know that she would never do anything to deceive, hurt, or betray me.” 

“You said the same thing about Rhonda, and do you remember what she put you through just last year?” Rhonda…that name still makes me cringe. I knew where she was going with it. 

“Do you remember what I had to do to quiet her down before mom and dad and especially the press found out? And do you remember that you were in my room, crying on my lap, telling me how stupid you had been and thanking me for getting you out of that mess! There would have been a field day with every seedy journalist in the nation feeding on ‘The Fallen Child Star: Michael Jackson.’ But, I fixed that for you!” She stared at me and then her mood shifted.

“You’re my baby brother. You and I spent so many nights sleeping and living shoulder to shoulder back home in Gary before all of this fame. Remember, the triple bunk beds and potatoes? Gosh, we ate potatoes until they were growing out of our scalps.” Yeah, I remembered and still find it hard to even eat potato chips.

 “And, I won’t ever let you forget that I changed your diaper…twice.”  At that, a smirk slipped across my face and she smirked back.  Her voice became somber.  

“I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you and you know that so don’t you dare ever say that you don’t know me.” Tears brimmed in her eyes and her breath was trembling. I was moved by her honesty and started feeling bad for talking to her the way that I did. She collected herself and continued,

“We know Donna. Okay, she’s a diva, but she’s not devious and she’s not gonna play you.” She paused, then added, “And you all would make some beautiful nieces and nephews for me together.” Yuck. She read my mind and changed tacts.

“I just don’t want to see you hurting again. I’m not gonna trust just anybody because I want to keep you safe. Like you said, I’m looking out for you. Even when you aren’t, I am.”

My shoulders relaxed. Even though I understood what she was saying, I was confused because my mind couldn’t reconcile it with the fact that she lied to me and sabotaged my relationship with Bina in order to protect me. The thought of losing Bina stings and I don’t know how I could ever get her to fully understand my situation, let alone forgive me. I began walking away saying,

“Right now, I can’t. I’ll talk to you later.”

I knew that the fans out front would not allow me to see her in person, so I settled for calling her on the phone. It seemed like it was ringing endlessly and my mind began swimming with thoughts of what to say. Finally, I heard an answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is Bina there?” My voice was shaky, but I tried to steady myself after she said,

“This is she. May I ask with whom I am speaking?”

“It’s me, Michael.”

“…” The silence grew thick between the lines of the phone. 

“Please, let me explain…”

END OF FLASHBACK…

“Bina, please bear with me. If it’s alright with you, I just need to get this off of my chest…I – I am so sorry.” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, so I just kept staring at the steering wheel.

“I know that I have said this before, I just hope you can hear me. I haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to you. I want you to know that I didn't mean anything that I said to Joseph that day. You mattered to me. You matter to me. More than you could imagine. I never went anywhere with Donna. I couldn’t stand the thought – I was such a schmuck… I acted stupid because I didn’t have the backbone to stand up for myself and make my own choices, but I want you to know that these past months have changed me. They were some of the longest and hardest months of my life, but they prepared me for this opportunity you gave to me. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I will wait for you. I don’t care who doesn’t like it, I want you as my friend…and more than my friend – um…I…ah…I really do…how do I say this…?" My heartbeat quickened and my throat went dry when I said,

“I adore you…” My last words lingered in the air around me and deflated as they were met with a silent response. I could only imagine how she was looking at me or what she thought of me now. My eyes felt as if they were being weighed down, but I managed to lift them to try to meet hers. When I finally found her face, I was shocked. I touched her shoulder and said,

“Bina?”

“Huh! Yes? Um, what…did you say something?” She had been asleep the entire time. I sighed internally and smiled at her reassuring that she had not missed anything. I let my entire monologue simply evanesce. I wished that she had heard me and at the same time, I did not. I wanted more time to decide what to say to be more articulate, and I didn’t want to scare her away by revealing my true feelings for her. 

I mean, how am I to know if I even feel that strongly for her after all? 

Still, I can’t deny that those very words – and a few others – were in my heart to say. I felt it, and still feel it, but for now I’ll keep it to myself.

“Ready to eat?” I asked.

She nodded and we pulled off and headed for Pinks.