It has been long since I knocked on those doors that I once used to barge in. It was blissful then or perhaps I was lost in the chimera that I ignored those eyes cast upon me; regardless, I wish to relive the moments yet again or hopefully contrive a future of my own.

Those peals of laughter, sure they used to chime in the home I created with every ounce of my love, I am happy for them but seeing them from afar, a pang registers in my heart. Perhaps one would call it jealousy of my heart but deep down I know it is much more than that. It is the tears of the past I cry; a past whose sorrows are only registered in my mind, it is the curse I have to bear.

They say, bring your mind to things that cheer you, I remember none. Must be my vices that contribute to it, I know yet my mind still seek salvation that is in the unknown. The scars on my body are now enough, the shoulders are now tired to hold straight but still I know, I have several storms to face and my tear-stricken face would contribute to nothing in that.

What I know is I have several apologies lined but for some reason, my lips fail to articulate them. All I have are my fingers that dare to move on their own and write- I am sorry, my family, my friends and those with whom I dared to weave relation with.

I am sorry for never being there, I am sorry for knitting a fleece of false dreams for you and I am sorry for being a part of your life. I know the doors are closed for me, I know that I deserve no salvation... but the wishes of mind remained untended and hence, I dare to look for some future ahead; with you or sans you.

I am now moving on, perhaps not too, the verdict remains in your hand but I would not be waiting for an eternity as this time my will to fly is stronger than the shackles of hope. Sure I would be hurt, might I cry too but this would be one last closed door that I would dare to knock.