Luka

Sitting in the cafeteria, I simply stirred my tea. I was fighting with my thoughts. I shouldn't have said all of that to her. Knowing her she'd take it so hard. But I also needed her to understand. I needed her to see I was trying. I was different. I wasn't him and never was I ever going to become him. I wanted a life with her and simply her. Create a life with her and Lila. Marry her. Have more children with her. Her. I was interrupted by the vibration of my phone. Jake. I wasn't going to answer but did anyway. "Sup man." I hoped he didn't notice my mood. "Hey, so I did fire her but she said word for word 'this isn't the end.' And walked off. I'm not sure what she meant man. But if I were you I'd keep an eye and make sure she stays away." I breathed out heavily. When would it end? I was tired. Completely tired. I agreed. We spoke a little more and hung up.

A good thirty minutes went by, I was in such a blanked out space that I didn't realize when someone walked up to me. Until I was touched on the shoulder. When I looked back it was mama Maria. "Hey." I simply said. "Hey, can I sit?" I nodded. "You know, I never really cared for Jacob." I inwardly facepalmed. "Yes I'm comparing you two. But not in the way you'd think." I looked at her oddly. "You're a great guy Lukas. You are great to my daughter. I can see how much you love and care for her. But." Uh oh, there's a but. "She's a very sensitive girl. To be with her completely is to understand that she takes things completely differently than anyone else would. A lot of things are more personal to her because she has always put everyone first. She'd never hurt a fly even when she should have. So what Paola said happened today was a huge step for her. Even when you both weren't completely ok she defended herself and you. Because the minute he mentioned you it triggered her. To want to be with someone for a very long time is to learn to love them through every stage in life. Learn to love them when they don't love themselves. Learn to love them even when you're angry. Learn to grow together. You are both young and will continue to grow. I'm not saying her comparison is right Lukas but she's trying. And so are you." She said nothing else, nodded and left me there to think. Because if my mind wasn't already in a war, she most definitely just dropped the bomb.

I got up off the chair and headed up to Lily's room. She was peacefully sleeping. I walked up to her bed and kissed her belly. Then went up and kissed her forehead. I froze when she started moving around. "Luka?" She whispered trying to open her eyes. "Yes..." I was a bit nervous. Because I literally had bugged out just before leaving the room. "I'm sorry." I saw the tear run down her face. "I'm sorry Lily. I shouldn't have ran-" she put me off, "No Luka. You had every right. I was being very unfair to you. Everything that I have gone through within the last almost year has truly thrown me off. I have been on defense mode. Fearing you'd change or you'd leave. Things that Jacob did have scarred me a bit. And I'm trying Luka, I really am. It's hard but I trust you. I'm sorry I've constantly assumed the worst when walking into something messy. I'll work on it." She wasn't looking at me, so I walked up to her and lifted her head. I didn't speak, I simply went down and kissed her. She took a bit but she kissed me back. "I love you Jasleena. Always will. We'll get through everything and anything."