No one else would or could possibly ever understand this. No ordinary person would understand the feeling of dying, being teased with a promise of happiness at last, and then to have it taken away to bring it all back like none of it had even happened. The cruel twist of fate in all of this was that it did happen, and each and every one of you who were there that day remember it all. None of you were spared the feeling of agony before that final moment, or the look on your teammate's faces as they watched each other fall. Because of this, the first night after the universe was righted of the terrible wrong that Thanos had tried to bring, no one under the roof of the resurrected Avengers compound was sleeping. Not a single person had gotten a second of rest, but from the outside, the building looked peaceful and dark, hiding away the suffering that was still going on within its walls.

"You okay?" Steve whispered, lying perfectly still at your side. The two of you had gone to bed hours before, but you were both immobile and rigid, lying over the blankets and taking care to not touch each other. Something still felt as if this weren't your own body; maybe it was a side effect of re-writing time, or maybe it remembered the sensation of death, you didn't know. All you knew was that Steve had just asked you a redundant question if you had ever heard one.

"No," you answered flatly. "You?"

"No."

The silence hung heavily again over the two of you for several minutes, both of you staring blankly at the ceiling above as if it held some answer that would make this all better. Steve wondered if everyone else was having this same feeling, as if they had just had their final run of luck, and now the borrowed time they were living on was fleeting faster than before. He didn't want to feel ungrateful, however, knowing that the gift he and everyone around him had received was not to be taken lightly. As his thoughts continued to swirl and jumble, one idea prevailed and pushed its way out, and now it was stealing his full attention. "We need to get Vision back."

"I know."

"It's not fair that he's the only one still gone."

"We can't do anything as long as the stone is in the Gauntlet," you answered sadly, finally turning your head to look at him. "The only shot we have is to get the stone and hope that it brings his body back to life. Stephen wasn't sure if anything would work, but he admits that he doesn't even know for sure."

Steve turned to you too, pushing up on his elbow to look at you as he spoke, "where is it now? Do you know?"

"Yeah, I do. Stephen wanted it hidden somewhere that no one would ever think to look, nowhere near here. He thought that giving it to Thor to take to Asgard was still too risky." You paused and rolled away again, your heart feeling heavy and cold at the thought of leaving Vision trapped in that thing for eternity. It was such an empty feeling there, and it made you ache inside to know what he was going though still. "I can ask-"

"Mom? Dad?"

Steve glanced down at you at the sound of Anthony's gentle voice on the other side of the door, his knock so soft that he could barely hear it. "Yeah, Ant, come in."

Your son opened the door slowly, peeking his head in and around it to be sure that he wasn't about to see something he didn't want to know, letting out a visible sigh of relief when all was clear. "Can I sleep with you guys? Just tonight?"

"Sure, Bug, come on," you answered, wanting to smile, but your tone didn't match your expression when you just didn't have it in you. He pushed the blankets back and slid his legs in, curling up against your side and contently humming to himself when he felt your arm around him. "You're safe, honey," you assured him, pressing a kiss to his hair, "we're all safe now."

Steve's hand slid over your arm and held the boy too, doing his best to be there for him; it had never been a problem before, but these were unusual circumstances and nothing would be as it was anymore. When another knock came at your door, just as Anthony finally braved closing his eyes, it was Brooklyn's turn to ask to join you.

"Mom?"

"Come on in, sweetheart. We've got plenty of room."

"Good," she smiled weakly, "because I brought Grant, too."

Your other two children, who were really on the verge of adulthood and took up a pretty large share of the bed, crawled in and took their places between you and Steve, leaving the two of you further apart, but suddenly feeling very close again. Your arm draped over your three as you held them, with Steve's hand crossing over to meet yours, your fingers intertwining in a tight hold on each other. Having your family so close and alive after the crushing fear of losing them still so fresh, was like a dam had burst inside of you, and the emotions that you had been pushing away since you had gotten into bed wouldn't be held captive anymore.

"Hey," Steve said softly, "it's okay, honey. We're all okay."

"Mom, do you want me to help?" Anthony offered, but you quickly shook your head to turn him down.

"No, baby, you don't have to do that. I want to feel this. I want to know that I'm alive."

~~~

Not everyone in the building was having the luck of finding some tiny idea of peace as you were; Sam and Bucky had all but given up on trying to sleep anymore, instead making their way down to the living room to fill their night with movies and junk food, hoping to feel better. Clint and Nat were the next to join them, only an hour or so later, followed slowly by each of the rest of the team, finally completed by Wade, who had been asked to stay by the very thankful group. Each of them brought their own offerings of snacks from the kitchen until the living room was covered in bowls and chip bags, but not a single item had been sampled in nearly two movies' time. In fact, other than the noises within the film, no one made a sound, and no one was so close to each other as to touch. They were going through the motions of life on autopilot, and failing at best.

Wanda was the most distant of all, despite the ever-constant presence of Scott at her side since the loss of Vision, feeling responsibility to her now that she was carrying a child that he had committed himself to helping her raise. In a twist of surprise, Tony seemed to be the one holding together the best, which even he didn't expect, though saying that he was doing well was a stretch. He was feeling the after-effects just as everyone around him, his mind unable to reconcile what his body had told him; none of them were supposed to be here.

"So," Wade whispered to Sam, trying his best to not draw attention, "are movie nights always this raging?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Hey, man, you gonna be okay?"

"What?" Sam jolted, turning to face him after having hardly heard the original question; it had barely pushed through this thoughts to even give the mumbled response. His mind was anywhere but here, and he immediately felt like a jerk for not giving the man who had saved everyone his due attention. "Oh, right, sorry...I was just thinking. What was your question?"

"I had asked if movie night around this joint was always so action-packed, but nevermind. I see what's happening. You guys gotta push through this, Sam. You're the fucking Avengers, right? Weird shit like this happens to you all the time."

"Oh yeah, we get resurrected every day," he scoffed, heavily sarcastic, but strangely reserved. "Feels great."

"Feels better than dead, doesn't it?"

Sam could only shake his head when his immediate response went to not being so sure, disbelieving that his own mind could be so macabre and cruel, and that he could be so disrespectful to the risk that Wade had taken for all of them, when he had no responsibility to do so. Of everyone around him, no one would have picked this guy out to be the one to save them all, and he just now realized that not a single one of them had made it known to him how thankful they should be.

"Wade," Sam began, only this time much clearer and loud enough for everyone to take notice, "I just want to be the first one to say thank you for what you did, and for being the reason that we're all here today. I know that you hate to roll with the hero vibe, but sorry, pal, you're mine."

"No, Sam," Wade deflected, hands up as if to block him, and everyone else who was now giving him their full attention. "No, I'm good, really. No need to get all sappy, okay? I'm not really down with the attention, I was just doing what needed to be done."

"Yes," Bruce added, clearing his throat softly, "thank you. We all owe you," followed by a chorus of thanks from the room around him, some of them being the first words spoken by a few since returning. When Tony stood up and made his way to the couch where he was sitting, Wade immediately stood to meet him, more to stumble and back away than to accept his thanks.

"Mr. Stark, we're square," he tried, with a hand extended, but Tony shocked him with coming in arms wide and pulling him into a hug; there wasn't even a second of hesitation, and it was the last thing that Wade would have ever expected. There was a historic level of hate that he had become accustomed to over the years with your father, and the attention froze him in both fear and confusion. "Tony..."

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance, Wilson. I should know better than to doubt my girl's judgment, and...I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through. You're a good man, and she's lucky to have you in her life. We're all lucky for that."

It was a rare feat to render Wade Wilson speechless, but Tony had done it. It only made it worse when each Avenger stood and joined him, some adding their arms to the hug, with others giving him a thankful, supportive slap on the arm to show their respects. He felt as if he could crawl out of his skin at the contact, his body rejecting the closeness of so many people that he barely knew, even after all this time next to you. But once he stopped his impulse and actually looked at the faces looking back, he let them in, and felt both their pain and their thankfulness, and for the first time, he actually felt welcomed to the family.

He felt it so acutely that he couldn't take it, pushing himself away from their hold in a panicked rush to flee through the front door without another word, and not a thought to saying goodbye to you.