Some language

As if Steve hadn't already felt like his ass had been kicked from one side of the planet to the other, there just had to be one more thing to push him that much closer to falling apart. He couldn't catch a break, not that he felt deserving of one, but every man has their limit and he knew that if this asshole in front of him didn't back the fuck down, he was gonna see it.

"So, what excuse are you going to fabricate to explain this one away?" Secretary Ross snapped at the Captain. "Taking a little Sunday trip into D.C. to wreak havoc and start a public incident because you didn't think we'd find out? You didn't check in like we agreed, Captain. Like you swore to do when you signed your name."

"I wasn't going to let my wife stay with them another minute while I waited for a table full of old men with no idea how the real world works to decide if I could go or not."

"And where is (Y/N) now?"

"I don't know," Steve replied quietly. "She didn't come back with us."

"No, she didn't," Ross agreed. "Instead, she went off the rails and almost killed Stark and left a hole in your arm as a heartwarming parting gift. And now she's who the hell knows where, armed and with a cracked brain full of Hydra handiwork. You tell me how this isn't a matter of national security now, Rogers. You tell me why I shouldn't lock your ass up and handle it myself."

"Because you don't need to," Steve answered, feeling the anger building in his muscles, and the loss of urge to control them. "We can handle this. We will handle this. It's a family matter, not a security risk."

"Well it wouldn't be the first time that your family was a security risk, would it?" Ross stood from the table and pushed his hands into his pockets, pausing for a minute to watch Steve before he began again. "You're off this, Rogers. All of you. I've already put a team together to find and detain her. They've been trying to catch her trail for the last twelve hours, but haven't had a hit. If you have any information that could send us in the right direction, now would be the time to provide it."

"Like hell I will."

"Don't get in the middle of this," Ross warned, "you'll regret it, believe me."

"Do you think that I give a damn about your threats right now?" Steve challenged and stood, his voice rising enough to catch the attention of Thor and Natasha in the next room. "What gives you any right to tell me that I can't try to find my own wife? You have a lot of goddamn nerve to come in here and push me around, telling me to stay home and trust you, when you haven't done one thing to earn it. Get the hell out."

"Steve," Natasha joined in, rushing through the door to stand at his side. She put a cautious hand on his arm, but he sharply shook it away, knocking her a few steps back. "Steve, calm down."

"Captain, I think you should take a minute-"

"I think you should do what you're told if you know what's good for you," Steve snapped, his eyes full of rage as he pushed forward, thrusting his hand against the Secretary's chest to knock him back into the wall. "I think you should listen to me very carefully. I'm going to find my wife. I'm going to bring her home and you're not gonna have a thing to say about it. Your panel can just look the other way, and let me handle my family's business how I see fit."

"Because you've done so well so far?"

The secretary winced and tried to pull away, just barely evading Steve's fist as it slammed into the window next to his head with a shattering hit that sent shards of broken glass falling to the ground at their feet. Thor was immediately at his friend's side, grabbing his arms and struggling to pull him back and away from the Secretary before he could land a real hit. He knew that if he let go now, Steve would kill him.

"Go," Natasha called out to Ross, meeting the terrified man at the door to be sure that he got out safely. "We'll handle this. He's not himself, alright? He's just been through something that would destroy anyone else, so please, just let us straighten this out."

Ross panted and bent forward, trying to expand his chest to take in a full breath and calm the panic that had nearly immobilized him. He knew his heart was racing far too fast, and his chest began to ache in a pain that built with each minute. He held up a hand to pause her so he could dig around in his pocket to find a small bottle, taking a pill and quickly popping it under his tongue.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be," he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall. "I'm an idiot, aren't I? Getting between that guy and a wall. I always thought he was just this infallible guy who could handle anything. At least that's what all the stories about him have ever said. I guess I thought he was different than the rest."

"He is different," she agreed. "Any other man would have broken a long time ago. But Secretary, he's still the best shot we have at finding her. She's trained to hide, and if there's a chance that she stayed with Hydra, you'll never see her. We have to be the ones to do this."

"Fine, I'll hold back," Ross nodded, "but I can't hold the panel off too long. I'll give you a week."

"Thank you."

"But after a week, if you don't have her, she's ours."

~~~

"Steve, can I let go?" Thor asked calmly, his hands still firmly holding his friend immobile.

"Not yet," Steve answered unexpectedly, as if the words came without his control of them, "I'm still seeing red." His breathing quickened rather than slowing as it should have now that Ross was out of sight, and his mind wouldn't stop barraging him with thoughts of everything that you could be doing right now or things that could have happened to you in the hours since he had last seen you. The room began to spin a little and his head started to pound, making him feel nauseated. "Yeah...I need to sit down."

Thor quickly released him and took a seat at his side against the wall, despite the piles of glass that covered the floor beneath them. He wasn't the best at this, trying to console someone, and he wished that Bucky had been in the room instead; he was much better at knowing what to say to Steve, but that wasn't an option this time.

"It was good that you didn't kill him."

"Thanks," Steve chuckled weakly. "I'm glad I missed."

"So that was your intent?"

"It was."

"And what is your intent now?"

"I can't let him get to me. I have to find her, Thor," he sighed, closing his eyes, "before anyone else can. Before Tony wakes up so she can be here to see it. She still thinks that he's dead."

"Hmm," Thor murmured, beginning to put together an idea, "perhaps it's best that he is dead."

"I'm sorry?"

"The Accords will only allow you to do so much, correct? But if Stark were to look for her on his own, under the radar, as you say, he may be more successful. If no one knows that he's out there looking, no one will know to try to stop him. If Hydra thinks him to be dead, they won't get in the way."

"He's not gonna be in any shape to do anything for a while."

Thor smiled to himself and let out a low laugh, turning to Steve with a disbelieving glimmer in his eyes, "you've known Stark for over a decade now, you are married to a Stark, and you're the father of Stark grandchildren, yet you still are so naïve."

~~~

You had been staring into the refrigerator of the safe house for who knows how long now, seeing the same few items in front of you but not recognizing what you would do with them if you wanted to. You had been doing things like this a lot since you went on the run, now nearly a week ago. All you could see was Tony falling to the ground, and how you weren't fast enough to catch him. If only you were stronger and fought them harder, he would still be alive, you told yourself over and over. If you would have just listened to him and stayed home, he would still be alive. Every thought of how you could have changed this outcome had battered your mind for days, despite the fact that there was no way to change it now.

"I'm losing my mind," you murmured quietly, closing the door without taking anything.

"Tell me."

"Nothing new. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I see what I did."

"That's what they wanted to happen. They want you to suffer with this everyday for the rest of your life. You have to find a way to not let them win. You also have to eat, (Y/N)."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care, you're going to eat." The banging of cupboard doors and pans filled the tiny kitchen as your visitor started to cook, but the sounds were so excruciatingly loud that it only frustrated you more. "I didn't come here just to watch you starve to death. You'll never be able to go back if you don't take care of yourself."

"I said I'm not hungry," you snapped, "and I'm not going back, I told you that. There's nothing for me there anymore, and the kids are better off without me. And Steve..."

"Steve needs you just as much as you need him, stop fooling yourself. Yeah, he fucked up big time, but you can't just give up. Fight for what you had...what you still have, (Y/N). Everything that's happened is Hydra, and you know that. It always is."

After a few more minutes of silence other than the occasional sounds of cooking, you perked up when whatever it was that he was making started to fill the room with an aroma that actually made you hungry for the first time. "What is that?"

"Oh, so now you're interested?" he smiled, glancing back at you. "I happen to know a little dish that a certain Clint Barton makes that you're fond of. I didn't come to visit empty handed, (Y/N)."

"I know what you're doing, Barnes. You're trying to lure me home with food, but it won't work."

"Ye of little faith."

"Faith is a scarce commodity right now," you sighed, sitting at the table and resting your chin on your hand as you watched him cook. He was risking so much to be here with you, and he promised that he wouldn't try to forcibly take you home, nor would he tell anyone that he had found you if you didn't want him to. Bucky was here only as a friend who was worried about you and wanted to be sure that you had what you needed to survive until you decided to come home. He didn't believe you when you said that you never would return; he didn't believe that you could actually turn your back so easily.

"You got quiet all of the sudden."

"Just thinking, as usual. I don't know how to convince you that I'm not going back, Buck. I appreciate what you're doing, I really do, but you're wasting your time."

"This could never be a waste of my time, (Y/N), so shut it." He turned with plates and utensils in hand, setting up the table while you watched, refusing your help with a slap on your hand when you tried to offer it. "If it's too hard to accept that I'm doing it for you, then let's say I'm doing it for the kids, or Steve, or whoever makes you feel better."

"The one person that could make me feel better right now is gone..." you stopped, feeling your tears wetting your lashes again, even when you didn't think you had any tears left to give. "Even until the very last second, he was there for me, and look how I repaid him. I really need to hear him right now, to tell me that it's going to be okay, and that...that he could forgive me for this."

Bucky sighed loudly and looked down at you, reaching up to rub the stubble of his cheek roughly as his mind raced. He hated seeing you struggle so much when he could so easily stop it, but he didn't know if he should. A lot was riding on information that he had been keeping from you, but his heart was breaking as he watched, and he couldn't hold it in any more.

"(Y/N), do you trust me?"

"Obviously," you sniffled, looking up at him in confusion. "Why? Is that wrong?"

"No, but trust me when I say that what I'm about to tell is the truth. I wouldn't lie to you."

"Okay..."

"(Y/N)," he said quietly, lowering himself into the chair across from you and taking your hands in his, "Tony's alive, and I want to tell him where you are."