Are you really not dead?

You hit send and held your breath, waiting for the reply that you feared would never come, and that what Bucky had told you was a mistake. It was hard to not get your hopes up that Bucky was telling the truth, but you had tried to control it so that if the response to your text never came, you wouldn't be quite so thoroughly destroyed as you were the first time you lost him.

I'm really not dead, baby.

Your body shook with the force of your exhalation and sudden overwhelming sense of relief at even just that simple sentence. You must have read it a thousand times over and over before replying, just to cement it in your mind that it was really there. Tony was alive, as if by some miracle, and now your need to come out of hiding and see him was taking over your senses.

I'm so sorry, Dad. I know it wasn't me, but I did it, and I'm so sorry.

Stop. Stop apologizing and just come home.

I want to.

But?

"But what?" you muttered quietly, making yourself answer the question with something that you had yet to really face; something that had been consuming your mind since Bucky left. There was only one reason why you hadn't gone home already, and you knew that he already knew what your answer would be.

Dad, you know. How am I supposed to forgive him? He handed me to Hydra.

You don't have to. Not right now. Just come home and we'll figure it out.

You stared at the words on the screen, each second ticking by like a hammer pounding against your skull as you read the line over and over and knew that Tony was anxiously waiting on the other end. You had no idea what to say; you wanted nothing more than to give him the answer that he needed to get from you, owing him everything for what you had just put him through.

But this was beyond Tony, beyond the team, even beyond your own children now. Steve had betrayed you, and it wasn't something that you could just wave off as a simple mistake. The aftereffects of his actions had eviscerated you and created wounds that may never heal.

You had no idea how much time had passed before your mind came back to the current moment, when the urgent ringing from the phone in your hand made you jump back and nearly spill over on your chair from the shock that cut through the silence around you. Even though you had asked Bucky to tell him not to call, he had waited too long for your reply and he took the chance; you didn't have the heart to decline him, opening the call and hugging the phone to your ear just to try to get a little closer to him somehow.

"Dad?"

His answer wasn't immediate, but only a heartbreaking whimper in a quiet cry that you could tell he was trying to hide from you. His breathing was constricted and a few sniffles escaped, and even though he had to have known that you heard him, he tried to maintain some stoicism.

"Dad, you don't have to act strong for me. I'm a grown-up now. I'll just cry with you and we'll both sound like sniveling snot monsters."

"Such an eloquence about you."

"I do what I can."

On the other end of the line, even though you could hear Tony's emotions getting the best of him, what you didn't know was what you couldn't see. When Bucky wouldn't give away your location, your dad took it upon himself to find you with FRIDAY working as fast as she could before you hung up.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. "I mean, I know that you're not for the obvious stuff, but like...normal stuff. Are you sleeping? Do you eat?"

"I'm okay. But listen, Dad-"

"No, don't go there," he immediately interrupted, "I've heard that tone of voice. I need you to come home, (Y/N). I don't ask you for much, but I have to ask you to do this for me. Just for me, sweetheart. Can you do that?"

"You're stabbing me in the heart, old man."

"Well you did shoot me in mine."

"Touché."

"The last image I have of you in my mind is that moment."

"Oh my god," you groaned, dropping your head down onto the table with a solid thud.

"Yeah, so you can understand why I might want to see you again."

Trace complete, boss.

Your head snapped up from it's rest sharply at the sound that came from behind Tony, just loud enough for you to catch thanks to your enhanced sense of hearing. It was hard to push away the initial reaction of betrayal that washed over you, but when you replaced that anger with what Tony must be feeling and how desperate he had clearly become, it was pacified but not forgiven.

"Anthony Edward Stark what did you just do?"

"That was my entire name," he gasped, "oh, shit."

"Yeah, oh shit." Closing your eyes and gathering up every emotion that was left wandering unclaimed within you, and trying to soothe the nerves that had settled in your stomach with an unrelenting nausea, you took one last slow breath and made the decision. You had to make a decision on this once and for all; would you go home to your family, where you might still be a risk to them and just don't know it? Would you go back to the same building as Steve, knowing that he would be unrelenting in trying to get you back? Or do you just move on to the next house and leave it all behind as you had planned to do since you ran? Were you being selfish in staying away, or were you keeping them safe? There was only one way to know, and only one decision.

"Dad, tell me, did the trace work? Do you know where I am? Don't lie, I'll know."

"Yes...I know," he replied reluctantly, his voice shaking, but now in fear of losing you again before he even had the chance to find you.

"Alright, then I guess you leave me no other option," you paused, steeling yourself to say the words before you changed your mind, "come and get me. Only you and Bucky, Dad, promise me."

"Damn right I promise."

~~~

Steve had been sitting in complete silence for over an hour now, reading line after line over and over until he must have had your paperwork committed to memory. The pages were spread out over the common room floor, red circles and scribbles over them to highlight his points of contention with what you had sent. Several members of the team had come to sit with him, even if only silently and on the couches and chairs at the other side of the room, just to show their support for both of you; no one wanted this to happen any more than Steve did.

During that hour, he had sat with his legs crossed so tightly with his back hunched over to read, that he actually started to feel every one of his nearly one hundred years. With a loud groan and a stretch, he finally moved for the first time, pushing his back to the wall and closing his eyes to alleviate the sting of dryness that had come with such focused concentration.

"Whatcha gonna do, Steve?"

"I don't know, Sam. My first instinct is to fight this, obviously. But the angrier I get, the more muddled my head gets and I can't see anything anymore. My brain hurts."

"You've really chopped up what she's asking for," he nodded, taking a seat on the floor next to him and picking up a few stray pages. "Hmm, okay, I take that back. She's not asking for anything. You do realize that she's just giving you everything, right? Wait...she's surrendering her parental rights too? What the hell?"

"Exactly." A strange sound from down the hall caught Steve's attention, drawing his gaze up to follow it, only to see Bucky and Tony talking, standing unusually close together as if they were sharing a secret. It looked like a few words were a bit heated when their postures straightened, but Bucky looked to give in, and the two men disappeared into the stairwell that led to the garage.

Steve hurried to gather up each paper into a pile and tossed them onto the table casually, making them spill again onto the floor, but he didn't care. "Sam, I've gotta go. If anyone asks for me, make something up."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. But I think I'm about to find out."

~~~

"Seriously, how far away is this safe house?"

"Safe houses are meant to be hidden, Tony," Bucky chuckled, "they're usually a little isolated and hard to get to. Thus the name."

"Guess I'm just used to big, flashy, and out where everyone can see it," he shrugged. The car began to slow after what felt like the millionth turn along desolate roads, revealing the small cabin-like house that sat along a small lake deep in the woods. "This looks pretty nice, actually," he decided, eagerly stepping from the car the second that it came to a stop. "I might look into buying this."

"From Hydra?"

"Oh...right...yeah, forgot about that little detail. So, nevermind! Let's just get my girl and get the hell outta here."

"Works for me, I've been in too many of these in my day, so the more distance we can put between us and it the better." Bucky practically skipped through the door, whistling to himself in uncharacteristic glee just knowing that he was going to bring you home, seeing the possibility that normalcy could come back to their lives, even if he was a little disillusioned.

Tony waited with his eyes to the door, wringing his hands together like the expectant father that he never had the chance to be, waiting to bring his daughter home. When he heard the faintest squeak from the hinges, his heart leapt into his throat and his breath caught in his chest; when he finally saw you, everything burst forth at once and he charged forward to take you into his arms.

"Dad..."

"Come here, baby," he said quietly, just holding himself together. Once he had his arms around you, all composure was gone and you were both reduced to nothing more than a sobbing mess. "I've got you, (Y/N). You're safe, and I'm never letting anything happen to you again, you hear me?"

It took all of your energy just to nod in agreement, your legs barely able to hold you upright even with his help, as he wasn't doing much better. "I want to go home," you finally said, giving him the only words that he wanted to hear.

"Shit," you heard Bucky hiss quietly, and when you pulled away from Tony to see what was wrong, your heart could have stopped and you wouldn't have noticed. You were completely numb at the sight of your husband standing in the driveway, watching you expectantly in the hopes that you would maybe agree to talk to him. "Steve, what are you doing here?" Bucky snapped, moving towards him to block his path to you.

"(Y/N), can I talk to you? Please?"

Tony pulled back, even though you tried to hold on to him, his face carrying an eager sparkle in his eyes that wasn't just from the haze of tears that remained. He had you coming home, and if you could talk to Steve even for a few minutes, this entire day would be a win.

"Steve, go home," Bucky warned him quietly, his hands now on his friend's arms to keep him in place. "Let them have this time to themselves, alright? She's coming home, so you can try again there."

"She is?"

"Yeah, and if you just fucked that up for him, I'll have no problem kicking your punk ass from here to next week."

"You don't have to," Tony offered cautiously. "I'll take you to the car and we can just go if you want." You still held your tight grip on his hands, and the tremor in them made him worried that if he were to let go, you would run away and he would lose you all over again. "(Y/N)?"

"No...no, it's okay," you sighed, releasing him. "I can do it."

"She's coming over here," Steve smiled, though apprehensively, "let me go, Buck."

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned, "I know you."

"Mmm hmm," he murmured, his gaze fixed on you as you got closer, and it was as if it was the first time seeing you all over again. His features softened and his breathing slowed, though his heart was racing in both fear and anticipation of being close to you again. If he could touch you, he would be grounded and everything would be okay, he knew that. If he could only feel you against him and have his arms around you, he would be whole again. If he could kiss your lips again, he would be a complete man; not the shell of himself that he had been wearing for far too long now.

"Steve."

"(Y/N), are you okay? I mean...I know you're not exactly...I mean, are you taking care..." he stopped, cursing himself silently with an attempt at a calming breath, "dammit...I'm sorry, I'm nervous."

"I'm fine."

"Good," he exhaled in relief, "that's good." He reached a hand out just in habit to touch yours, but immediately pulled back when his conscious self screamed in his mind to stop. "So...I hear you're coming home?"

"Yes."

"Okay, great."

The two of you stood in silence after that, the time between you coming to a stop as you looked at each other, so many unspoken words swirling in your minds and just begging to find their sound. Steve had been in battles that tested the limits of his physical strength, and had nearly broken his spirit more times than any man could survive, but this was unlike any of those experiences. Here, he was so lost, so confused, and just so exhausted from the strain that every feeling he had gone through was about to explode if this went much longer. Your short and cold answers stabbed him like a jagged dagger, but he welcomed the pain, because it was given by you; he would accept any pain from you because it meant that you were at least still acknowledging him somehow.

"I'm so sorry," he finally whispered, tormented, "what do I do to fix this? Please tell me, and I'll do it. I'll do anything, (Y/N)."

"I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, Steve. It's just changed everything. You gave me to them. Do you have any idea what that felt like? For that person to be you?"

Bucky had backed away and taken a stand next to Tony, the two of them still just within earshot and having no care as to their voyeuristic needs in the situation. The personal stakes for not only you and Steve, but for them, your kids, and really, the entire team, were far too high to stand back and let this play out without being able to witness it.

"I know that I hurt you, (Y/N), believe me," he continued, "I've known that from the moment that I started this. But you know me. You know me like no one else. You know that I was doing what I thought I had to do to protect you, but I lost control of it all. You know that."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

Steve was about to answer, his lips barely parted, but he stopped in the realization that you had a point. "Well...both, I guess. Listen, I don't deserve your forgiveness, (Y/N), but I'm asking for it. Hell, I'm begging for it." He dropped himself down onto the gravel of the driveway, his knees stinging from the sharp stab of rocks against them. "I'm begging for you to give me just a chance, please."

He took an enormous risk now, reaching out and wrapping his arms around your waist, holding his head against your stomach as he began to lose his control, crying softly enough that you barely heard him, but you felt the shake of his breathing and the moisture of his tears soaking into your shirt. The contact nearly broke you, just as you knew it would all this time; it was why you didn't want to come home, and why you had Bucky be the one to deliver the divorce papers. You were weak when Steve was next to you now, relying on his strength to hold you together after being so shattered. But here he was, just as broken as you felt, if not more, and the strength you so desperately needed wasn't there. Your hands rested on his shoulders as you tried to hold yourself steady, but the sound of his cries was something that you could never withstand, and you softly joined in with them.

"(Y/N)," he choked out, his voice strained, "don't leave me."

"I feel wrong watching this, Barnes," Tony offered quietly, "but I can't look away."

"What if they can't make it?" Bucky replied. "What are we gonna do?"

"They will."

"Steve, I don't know..." You pushed your hands against him to try to free yourself, but it only made his grip tighter, desperate to keep you there.

"But I do," he broke in, pushing himself up to stand in front of you now, "I know, (Y/N). I do." After the chance he took in touching you a moment ago, he felt brave, bringing his hands up your arms and to your shoulders, then slowly along the curves of your neck, until he held your face gently, his eyes locked with yours the entire time with an intensity that you couldn't look away from. "I know, (Y/N)," he whispered again, taking one final risk and pressing his lips to yours while he had you in his trance.

Damn him, anyway, if this wasn't exactly what you wanted, no matter how much you had convinced yourself that you didn't. You wanted nothing more than to have your life back, the way it was, with him and your three little ones who needed you together now more than ever. Your mind tried to fight your body, but you were lost in the sensation of the connection; you had been starved for far too long.

But then it all came back in a crashing wave over you, your mind winning the fight; the abandonment, the betrayal, the anguish. His touch suddenly felt foreign and it sickened you.

"No, Steve!" you gasped, thrusting your fists against his chest to force him away. "You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way! It doesn't just make it better!"

"Okay, okay," he cowered, raising his hands in defense and backing away slightly. "Look, there's got to be a way that we can work past this. I can't imagine...I can't imagine my life without you, (Y/N). We've been through so much, and we've survived so much...there has to be a way."

You couldn't reply again, feeling yourself shutting down after the mistake of talking to him when you should have known that this would be the outcome. He watched silently when you turned away at returned to Tony's side, this time making no move to follow you.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I can't come home yet. I'm not ready."

"But-"

"Are the kids still with T'Challa?"

"Yeah, they are," Bucky answered for him, "why?"

"Then that's where I want to be. I need to be with them." With a glance back over your shoulder, you saw Steve walking back to his car, his posture looking so small and defeated, and you fought the urge to run to him. You definitely weren't ready to go home until you knew exactly what you wanted; you thought it was to end it, but now you were more confused than ever. "Dad, do you think you can come with me?"

"Sweetheart, you're crazy to think that I'd be anywhere else."

"Buck, I need one more thing from you, and I've asked you for so much-"

"Anything, doll."

"I need you to hide those papers."