November came and went, and the chill that started in Harry's bones remained, and only seemed to grow. Things were by no means bad, but they seemed to be changing rapidly, and he didn't think he could catch up. Lately, it seemed like the only times he could see Draco were when they went to sleep, or when Neville covered for them so that they could go on a date. Even those times were falling few and far between, and Harry was slowly closing in on himself once more.

Ron was constantly working to repair things with Harry, and it was all that was keeping him from falling apart lately. Draco was constantly with Pansy, Blaise, or the both of them, sometimes even seeing Hermione and Lavender. Harry was finding new spots in the castle to hide and be alone, wondering why he was feeling this way.

It was the end of November when things really worsened. The Ministry were coming down hard on Harry about his future. Every time that he tried to bring it up to Draco, Draco was whisked away by someone, and Harry was left alone.

Clearly Draco needed some space, and Harry would give it to him. He could function on his own well enough. His only issue was that once he had enough space and had spent enough time on his own, he would begin to purposely seclude himself once again. Harry loved being alone at one point in time, he craved it, and now he had to once again discover the difference between being alone and being lonely. 

That November month he had rediscovered what it was like to be alone. It was hard at points, and some days he wanted to shut out the world and quit. On those days, he would go visit the twins, once even leaving to see Molly and Arthur alone. Another time he had accompanied Ron and Hermione, Draco being either too busy or having forgotten the plans.

Harry understood, to a certain point what Draco was going through. That didn't make it hurt any less when at the end of the month Draco seemed to have forgotten their anniversary.

Logically, Harry knew that celebrating every single month wasn't necessary. Still, things were so infrequent in both his and Draco's lives, he had grown fond of the thought of celebrating each month together, at least for the first year.

Their anniversary had fallen on the second party of Hogwarts. After the success of the first one, McGonagall allowed the parties to continue as long as everyone continued to get along. Truthfully, Harry wanted nothing to do with them. He only showed up for Draco, and that was all.

For this party, Draco had gone off without Harry, a yell over his shoulder about checking the decorations. That was the first time he had seen Draco all day. Harry had gone to bed without him, his own bed that he was using more and more of, and Draco had been gone when Harry woke up without even a note. All day Harry kept waiting for a simple acknowledgement of the date, but none came.

Still, he showed up to the party, Draco waved to him, starting to make his way over. Harry waited half an hour as Draco was paraded about the room, spending time with everyone but his boyfriend. He felt as if he had brought this upon himself by not telling people that they were together.

When Harry's throat felt like it was closing up, he quickly made his way out of the Great Hall. He stumbled into the hospital wing to see Madame Pomfrey, who immediately sprung into action.

"Take this for your anxiety dear, and this one is because you're dehydrated. Do you want to stay the night here, or would you prefer to go back to your dorm?"

"Dorm. Need rest", Harry panted, slowly working to control his breathing.

"Shall I fetch the Headmistress?", she asked worriedly.

Harry just nodded, walking over to the window for some air.

"Potter?"

"I need to leave."

"A moment Poppy?"

"Of course."

"What's the matter Harry?"

He just shook his head, fighting back tears.

"Do you need a leave of absence? Do you wish to leave altogether?"

Harry just shrugged.

"Just need to go."

"When you're able to collect your thoughts, please write me. I'm sorry that I ever asked you to come back some days, Harry. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to walk these halls, especially alone."

Nodding once more, Harry was off to pack some things and leave. Before leaving, he left Draco's anniversary gift on his bed for him to find eventually.

When they had been at the shops, Draco had become enthralled with this never ending ink fountain pen. It was expensive, and Harry had gone the extra mile and had it engraved.

Invisibility cloak wrapped tightly around him, Harry used the floo in McGonagall's office to go home, to his home. After working out his emotions for two hours, he wrote to McGonagall about all he was feeling.

"I don't know what I want to do in the future. The Ministry keeps trying to recruit me, and that is the last thing that I want to do. Some days I still don't feel as if I have a future. I simply want to live.

There is this constant pressure to be and act a certain way, and it's starting to get to me. The looks and the stares continue as if I'm special, when I know that I'm not. At one point my greatest wish was to be ignored, and now that it's being granted by those closest to me, I think I need to sort out my priorities."

After sending the letter through his floo network, Harry decided that he needed to go elsewhere. Packing some warmer clothes, he was off, wishing that he could take his car with him to his final destination. He did, however, take a drive to his favorite place before then, needing to feel something.

It wasn't until the very early hours of the morning that Draco became worried about Harry. Harry was normally in bed before Draco nowadays, and after quickly peeking his head into their room before spending some time with Pansy, he had assumed Harry was taking a walk. That was, until he got back to his room afterwards and Harry was still not there.

Stumbling into the office of the Headmistress at 3 in the morning was not something that Draco was proud of, but after finally spotting the gift on his bed and finding no traces of Harry anywhere around the castle, he was desperate.

"Mr. Potter left hours ago after facing a health affliction."

Draco cursed, and after apologizing to McGonagall, he turned to leave.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I'm an idiot."

"I'm in no position to comment on that matter."

"He needed me, and once again, I wasn't there."

"Be there now."

The first location Draco checked was Grimmauld Place. He saw signs that Harry had been there, but nothing that showed he was staying. It took him two tries to apparate to their tree, and he faced the same result. It was well after 3:30 now, and Draco was out of ideas. It was only after going back to Grimmauld Place did he so obviously remember where Harry would be. Draco hoped so, because that meant that he had a chance to repair things.

When Draco finally got to their shore house, Harry wasn't there but a few of his things were. Sighing in relief, Draco sat on their bed, waiting for Harry to return. It was after 10pm here, and he didn't know how long until Harry would be back.

It was obvious to Harry that Draco had finally arrived once Harry came back in well after 11pm. He had seen the lights on from where he had been huddled on the beach, but he didn't have the energy to see Draco, especially when it took him over 7 hours to find him.

Instead of heading up to their room, Harry chose to sleep in one of the guest rooms, having left a bag in there just in case. Draco is heartbroken at the choice, and against his better judgement, he decided to see Harry.

"Harry?", he asked tentatively.

"Shouldn't you be with Pansy?"

Draco felt as if he'd been slapped, and took a step back due to the harsh delivery of the question.

"What's that supposed to mean?", he asked defensively.

"Interpret it any way you'd like because frankly I don't care."

"Don't be like that-"

"Don't be like what? Hurt and angry that my boyfriend forgot our anniversary? That he'd rather spend time with everyone but me? That he hasn't noticed every other time that I've left the castle?

Tell me you didn't come here because you found your gift on the bed. Tell me you went looking for me because you wanted to see me. Tell me you remembered our anniversary Draco."

Draco's silence was deafening.

"You've left the castle before?", he asked quietly.

"Yes I have! I hate being alone there! I've been trying to work on it since you clearly needed space from me, which is fine, I just wish you would have told me. Hogwarts was my first home and it sickens me to be there by myself. All I see are the ghosts of everyone that died, died for me, and I hate it! It will never be the same.

If Dumbledore hadn't moved the Mirror of Erised I would sit there each day going mad just so I could see my parents one last time. It would give me some semblance of normalcy, and maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely."

"I'm sorry Harry", Draco whispered.

"Yeah... me too."

Harry rolled over, signaling the end of the conversation.

It took Draco hours to fall asleep over the sound of his heart shattering as he sobbed. Was this the end of their relationship? Draco didn't see how they could recover from this. Once again, he had severely messed up without even realizing what he was doing.

A few hours later, Harry woke up terrified to hear Draco violently screaming, his voice hoarse. Harry ran to Draco, stumbling over his own feet, wand drawn at the ready.

"No! Kill me instead. Stop!"

Shaking Draco to wake him didn't work as Draco himself was already shaking. Harry then had to pin back his arms as Draco had started scratching at his forearm where the dark mark had been covered.

"Draco!", Harry yelled. "Draco!"

Draco woke up, sweating, panting, and crying.

"Harry!", he screamed, grabbing onto him as if he were a lifeline.

"I'm here sweetheart I'm here."

Harry sat next to Draco, pulling Draco into his lap. Draco held onto him for dear life and started sobbing.

"It's okay Draco. You're okay."

"But you're not!"

"Yes I am", Harry soothed him.

"I just had the- the- the worst night-nightmare... in months."

"It was just a bad dream."

"You died because I was selfish", Draco whispered, his tears slowing down to a trickle.

"Your fears are manifesting. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"If you're not happy, don't force yourself to stay with me. You deserve better Harry."

"I'm happy when you're actually with me you git. I'm upset because you haven't been spending time with me. Why would I push you further away?"

"Because you don't love me anymore."

"Draco Malfoy! If I didn't love you anymore would I have left you your gift? Would I have gone someplace where you could find me? Would I be holding you right now?"

"You're nicer than me", Draco protested weakly.

Harry tilted Draco's face up, wiping the tears off of it. He kissed him gently, as if Draco would crumble beneath him.

"If I didn't love you anymore, I wouldn't care that we drifted apart. Don't ever think that I don't love you. I'm hurt because I care Draco, and it felt like you didn't."

"I never meant to do that."

"I know. We'll talk in the morning. Get some sleep okay?"

"Will... will you stay?"

"Yes, I will.."

They laid down, Draco clinging fiercely to his Harry. His Harry whom he had almost lost.

"Harry?", he called quietly, sleep filling his voice.

"Hmm?", replied Harry, who was running his fingers through Draco's hair.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

{A/N: hello my lovelies, I hope everyone is staying safe, happy, and healthy, especially of late. The fall semester ended for me a few days ago and I think I got all A's! Still waiting on confirmation for one more course, but there's my update for that.

With that being said, I am taking a winter course so please be patient with me (and wish me luck it's only about 3 weeks instead of 15). I am determined to finish this story one way or another. It just ended up being a lot longer than anticipated.

Paint You Wings, another one of my short Drarry AUs has almost been completed, so if you've been missing my writing check it out!

All my love as always,

J <3 }