How many times have I asked myself

How many times have I gone too far

How many times have I been lying here

With that same old putrid smell

The smell of failure and demise

It's there o'clock in the morning and you're still thinking about a fantasy paradise

But I don't want to wake up

I don't want to fight

Not this time 

I've had enough

And it's not true

I do not wish harm upon you

Dear soul

But every time I wake up in the morning light 

I wish I would've died that night