I have always been afraid to grow up to be the screw up

And alas maybe I am

Perhaps I have ripped out people's hearts

I have torn up lives

I have given up

I have tried to stand up

I hated the way you said I was turning into him

The father I loved so much

But I didn't want to be him

So you turned away

I turned to wine

I turned away from that dark hole that has always been my heart

Swallowing the burning sensation of alcohol instead of my pride

Or perhaps swallowing both of it 

So I'll close my eyes and dream

Or rather wish

Or rather hallucinate