I promised myself I would be silent

For ever

It is easier

For ever

The stitches keeping my mouth closed are less painful 

Than tearing them apart

But even in my silence

I hate myself so much

I have a disdain for my silence

I have a hatred for my cowardice

Why do I feel like a monster while you were

But you were my god

You were God on earth

So how could you be a monster

You couldn't 

So that means I must have been the monster

So I'll renew the stitches in my mouth

In my mind

In my memories

You were my saviour

I've thought that such a long time

I thought I should be grateful to you

But I am not a child anymore

So I'll hate myself

But I will hate your kindness even more