"I love you"
"It'll pass"

~fleabag

If I cannot have love
I will take a book instead
The words spilling out onto the page as I pretend it is you
As I imagine what I would be like  if I were unbroken

If I cannot have your love
I will have a quill instead
So I can peacefully rip open the stitches of my wounds to write in the crimson red of love
And of blood

There is this problem I have my darling
I know you
But if somebody asked whether I have known you for long mz answer would be no
Because I did not know you long enough

I didn't know you long enough to console myself with a perfect fictional version of you
I don't know what sounds annoy you
Which flower was your favourite
If you were punctual because you were bored or because you were afraid of consequences
I don't even know your favourite colour
But my mind has decided on blue
It has decided on sadness

I loved you
Despite not knowing you the way I was supposed to
The way I wished to
I wonder if we are allowed to ask faith one question
Because I know mine
"Are they happy?"

If I cannot have love
I will have poetry
Because than at least my pain has a purpose