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Chapter 3

In the end I agreed to finding out why we had dated in the first place. Don't say that I am curious and gave in too easily. I did not and I am not. I even told Phun so.

"Phun, we don't remember, trying to date will be..."

"I'm not saying we should date," he said frowning at me.

"You are not," I am so confused. "Then what are you saying."

"We have to at least try to remember, that's what I'm saying."

I blinked. Eh, left to me I don't want to poke that hornet's nest. Let sleeping dogs lie is my new and favorite motto, but I didn't want to sound like a selfish jerk. "I guess we could try," I said.

"Yeah," his eyes were too pointed.

"h-how are we going to do that?"

He said that we had to go and live our old life. Thanks to my parents and P' we learned that we lived together and we are now going back there to see where we live.

The minute I see the building my mouth fell opened. I was expecting an apartment complex or at least something small that we were renting. It turned out to be a house. Phun and I have our own house. That is so fantastic and so awesome I lost my ability to speak.

My mum drove us and we got down at the front. The house was a one storey white building. It had a small roof and was shaped like and A from the front. It looked cute, the kind of place a cute girl would want to live in. there was even a small lawn, a garage space with a rolling door. What exactly did we do to get a house like this, I was thinking.

"I remember," Phun startled me. I didn't know when he had come to stand right next to me. "My dad gave me this place."

"Oh," I said. No wonder. I was starting to think maybe Phun and I were involved in some illegal business. Imagine that: Phun would be some kind of drug lord and maybe I would be a pimp.

I laughed at my own thoughts.

"Why are you laughing," he asked.

Tersely I replied," nothing. Let just go check it out."

From my tone you would think I wasn't all for cooperating, but I was, a little. I understand wanting to try get your memories back, but I didn't want to get mine back, I saw this as a chance to get back into the reality and start dating girls. If I have been dating this guy for three years then that means I am still technically a virgin.

I tried the door, it was locked. I had a vague impression of shingling sound and I turned to see Phun shingling the keys. He smiled at me, paused in that way that told me he was remembering something.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Nothing," he answered just as tensely. Now who was being uncooperative?

We entered the house and I felt my mouth fall to my jaw. This sure looked cozy. There was a nice living room in front of me with beige colored walls and white trims, and two sofas facing a nice TV screen. The living room also opened to a wide kitchen that I wondered who used it. It wouldn't be me; I don't know how to cook more the occasional instant porridge and ramen. It was way too big for a bachelor's pad and just too homely looking for two guys.

My mom wasn't as cautious as us in entering the house. Like someone who was used to going and coming from this house she walked in, dropped the spare keys inside a ceramic monkey head—that looked cool—and walked into the kitchen.

"I forgot to come over to check on the house, the food in the freezer would have gone bad by now," she was saying.

Phun and I exchanged looks which felt so freaking odd that we looked away instantly. Being in this same space with Phun with the evidence of our former life was just too damned awkward.

In other to bring some light into the room I laughed, "Mom, do you always come here to cook for us? The kitchen looks so stocked and the furnishes are just too nice for two college guys," I said.

"It's not too nice, Phun," had to contradict me, "I feel at home here. This feels... like my home. I remember everything in here."

That made me tense, "so, that means that," I didn't want to say it but don't tell me that this guy is really remembering everything.

"That's right Noh, you two are not always around and I like to come and check on you. More often than not I would bring food along. Ah, the food has gone bad." She sounded really sorry about that.

P' who I had forgotten walked in and assisted my mom in getting out the food. She was a bit cautious around me despite my best attempt to assure her that I haven't forgotten her and a trip down memory lane wouldn't hurt me.

Actually I didn't know that, while I haven't bled from my nose since the first time I tried to remember, the doctor had cautioned me to stop if I feel too strained by any attempt to try and remember. I wish I felt strained, maybe then we would call this all off.

"Mrs. Napat," Phun called and walked over to her. "What was I like to your son?" he glanced at me from the sides, "Noh and I weren't really close before but I always liked the kind of person he is."

My mother and P' became flustered. "Oh well, something like that I don't know if it appropriate to say."

Seeing their faces, Phun laughed, "I don't mean that," he said then he glanced at me. Stop glancing at me damn it. I avoided his eyes because this conversation was just far beyond me. I didn't want to know what my relationship with Phun used to be like.

Unfortunately, turning my head didn't take me away from the whole thing. My eyes fell smack on a picture of Phun forcing a kiss on me. I was blushing and looking really happy.

"What the hell," I muttered, evidences like this were just lying around? I didn't even take note of the happy faces; my only thought was if Phun sees this, his memories might come running back. Among the two of us, he is the one more likely to remember everything at once.

I took the picture off the wall and hid it under my shirt. Just when I thought the evidence was hidden and turned with a relaxed smile I saw another on the TV stand, then more on the walls, two more on a bookcase.

"What the hell, so many! Were we doing some kind of picture exhibition?" I muttered, too struck to move.

Phun smiled at me as if he knew what I was up to. "Noh, wouldn't it be nice to remember such good memories?"

I have no idea what he is talking about. "Huh?" that was my only response. Seeing my eye doing jerky dances, Phun walked closer and took a close look at me, which in my opinion was too fucking close.

"What Phun?" I still maintained oblivion.

"Noh," he said, and I thought he had remembered everything. His eyes were too intense; he looked a little too focused. No way. My heart was starting to beat out of rhythm. "Do you want to live here?"

"Live here?" When he said relieve our life, was this what he meant?

"No way."

He blinked as if he thought I would readily agree. I sank my feet in, "come on man, this might as well be a strangers house. I won't be comfortable." Not with all these pictures hanging around here I won't. I hate to see what else lay in the house. Come to think of it, when did I become a guy who took so many couple pictures, and why did I look so fucking cute in it. I don't mean the cool kind of cute. I look so shy and... and happy. It is so weird. I felt my face turning red at the thought of that happening right this instant: Phun with his arms on my waist, me playing shy. Damn it, I really don't want to date another guy!

"Why not Noh," my mom was still here and hearing everything. I looked between her and Phun. They didn't seem to get it all on their own, my mom is actually okay with this.

"I just... well it's not..." I have no fucking excuse you guys! Stop staring at me with those eyes.

"Noh, it's just so that we can regain our memories," Phun said.

"Yes young master Noh, you have to try so that there will be no regrets."

"Noh, if it is too hard for you then you don't have to. I also want you to remember Phun but I don't want you to hurt yourself. Is it too much on you?"

Hearing my mom's sincerest words, I felt like I was being unfair. No I didn't feel any strain, just a feeling of being in front of a TV watching myself, that's all. I sighed. Yeah, Phun is right. Trying to remember is something that I owe my former self who looked so happy with Phun.

I shrugged and took out the picture, "I know and I am fine mom."

Phun's eyebrows lifted and I could see visible relief in his features. He blinked at the picture I held out to him. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to just try," I said and faintly smiled. None of them knew what I was sacrificing, but then again, I might not have to sacrifice anything; chances are Phun and I would not remember anything.

"Okay, let's give it a try."