Requested by MerryKayaday 

Harukawa's POV:

"I've never felt this way before! I've always fought to kill, but...this is the first time I've fought to protect someone! And...I've never... ...been given a nickname like "Maki Roll" before, either. And I've never... ...met someone as stubborn as you before... And...I've never... ...fallen for someone before. That's why I won't let you kill Kaito! I absolutely won't let you!"

...

...

I don't recognize the person who said those words that day. They were so desperate, they were crying...I never cry, sobbing their eyes out, as someone they loved was dragged away from them and died right in front of their eyes while they stood powerless to do anything.

No...they had the power to do something, to try and stop the person who was going to execute them, even if it meant they only would have been spared the brief moment of the execution before their sickness killed them, that girl would have died for those moments with him.

But he told her not to. So she was forced to watch him die, the only minor victory being he got to die the death HE wanted instead of the sadistic one planned out for him. It didn't ease the loss, but it was a better alternative in the end I guess.

That warm and crushing feeling that was what I guess was love, was intoxicating and painful and at the same time the best feeling I ever had in my life. And I don't know if it was even genuine.

I don't know if the love that was in my heart that day, and the pain I felt when he died was what I truly felt. Was that me? My heart, the one that was conditioned to feel nothing for years and somehow was reopened to the idea of love and happiness by that idiot only to be crushed by his loss seems like the concept the gamemasters would have toyed with. It would have been a great laugh for them.

But now, in the aftermath of that game, where he is alive...and breathing...where he and I have the peace of mind that I am not an assassin, that we have time to figure things out, in a world I can't remember...I still feel that infection inside of me, leaving my mind to question.

If I truly loved Kaito.

I want to know the truth, if what Shirogane told me was true, if it was all a result of programming the same kind that made me the person I was in that game...or if it was genuine. I need to know the truth, the answer, no one will answer my question and the closest to a response I've ever gotten from the 'therapist' Maiko was "You need to figure out that answer yourself, otherwise, I probably won't be that different from the people who might have created those feelings if I just tell you to go after him"

They did this to me, so why won't they give me the answers? Do I truly, not a result of any kind of manipulation, love him?

I'm terrified of the answer.

~-~-~-~

It's been months since Kaito first asked for a visit, they came in weekly, like a reminder he kept dropping that he was there, and he's willing to wait.

I never responded, I've only been to one meeting with Yumeno and it wasn't very eventful, it was us talking and we were still waiting at that point for Saihara to wake up, it was so long ago. We still need to arrange a meeting for the three of us, according to some directors who came in it's something about us and in cases of future seasons.

It makes me sick, but I can't do anything about it because they have a contract I signed, legally binding me into this show.

Great.

I shifted uneasy in my seat, the seats were leathery and I could feel myself sinking into it, it was supposed to be comfortable but it barely eased the stress. I kept playing with my hair, unlike most others my hair was the same after the game. Turns out I brought those hair ties in with me when I arrived at the facility.

I'm not as athletic as I was in the game, but I've been building that strength back, I look like a normal person compared to everyone else, no deep black circles under my eyes, sickly pale skin, or having my ribs poking out of the hospital gown. 

I would have looked like myself if it wasn't for my face, whatever kind of training I remembered in my mind to mask my emotions had loosened, and according to the nurses 'made me look cute' which disgusted me.

Because I'm not exactly smiling.

CREAK

I looked up and saw him as he walked in, I tried not to show any shock. He looked like himself to and thankfully didn't match the last image I had of him before he died. He was smiling when he saw me as he practically ran over.

Don't go.

Don't die Kaito!

Don't leave me here!

"Hey Maki" he called. I didn't speak, so he just sat down in the opposite seat, "you look good, that's nice" he said. Why can't I say anything? That's the whole reason I invited him, I need to know, does he even...did he feel...

"Oh yeah, I saw Saihara recently, have you two met yet? I'm sure he would be happy to see you, or maybe we can schedule a meeting with the three of us, wouldn't that be cool if we trained together again? We could definently use it, Saihara has chicken arms right now and-" 

"Did they make you love me?" I blurted out interrupting him, his eyes widened, "what?" he asked, "in the game, I want to know if they made you love me, injected those feelings into you or not, just answer please" I begged.

"Maki they didn't make me love you-" he started, my eyes widened as I clenched my fist, fighting back the bitter tears as I stood up, "thank you," I told him interrupting whatever he was going to say next and headed for the door, "wait, Maki! You didn't let me finish!" he called.

"It's fine you don't need to explain, I'll just go now ok and we can forget all about this," I told him, "Maki-" he called again "Kaito I'm fine ok? I just needed confirmation, I'm not ready for this, whatever it is, just let me go and I'll...I'll..." Crap. I was crying.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I turned around sniffling to see him, he had a small smile on his face as he chuckled, "ok let me finish ok? They didn't make me love you, because I already did" he told me, my eyes widened, "how do you know it's real?" I asked, "how do you know it isn't just some programming they put inside of your head? How do you know at all?" I asked.

"Oh it's really easy actually," he told me, I raised an eyebrow, yeah right otherwise I would have had my answer months ago. "How do you know?" I asked, "my first thought when I woke up was you, it's my first thought every day when I wake up when I go to bed, and nearly every thought in between, I missed you," he told me, "that could be faked though..." I mumbled.

"Maybe it started like that" he admitted, there we go. We're both sick in the head. "But whatever I'm feeling right now is genuine, Maki is that why you've been avoiding me?" he asked. I didn't respond, biting my lip.

Of course, he could have guessed that.

"If you're going to tell me you don't feel that way anymore I understand-" he started "OF COURSE THAT'S NOT WHY!" I screamed, "What do you think I was thinking the moment I woke up?! I wanted to fucking run and find you, I ran out of the room Kaito! I kept running until my legs collapsed! And you know what? I was scared...I was scared I was going to find you and you would have said you felt nothing! That I have to deal with these stupid emotions by myself! I don't know if the way I feel is genuine but my god I want them to be...I didn't want to see you...I didn't want it to be over, us being friends...you fucking dumbass...why...why can't I get over you...?" I asked. I was crying, my nose was all snotty and I could tell my eyes were probably red and puffy, my legs were shaking as I wiped my eyes but the tears didn't stop no matter how hard I tried as I felt my breath hitching.

He didn't say anything for a while, he patted me on the back as I cried, when I was done and I rubbed my eyes I broke free from his hold on me, "sorry..." I mumbled, "I'll...I'll just go," I told him, "So Harukawa Maki loves me huh?" he teased.

I felt myself tensing up, "so what if I do?" I asked, "well because that means I can ask if you want to be my girlfriend," he told me. My eyes widened as I looked at him shocked, "what?" I asked, "huh is it too soon?" he asked, I didn't know how to answer.

"Are you being serious?" I asked, "Well unlike Ouma I'm not a liar and I don't plan on starting now-" he joked as I finally let go, I looked at him dead in the eye, I could see he looked nervous.

Then I kissed him. It must have lasted just a second, but it felt like every question I had before had been answered if only for a second.

"So I can take that as a yes right?" he asked, "well I kissed you so you better take that as a yes," I told him, "ok Maki Roll"

I couldn't help but smile at that dumb nickname. I guess it grew on me.