Saihara's POV:

This world is one where you must improve yourself no matter what consequences your mind tries to envision, be grateful for everything because you could have never been born in the first place, be grateful for those who took care of you when you were still an idiot. A young fool.

I am a useless child, I still cannot understand any of the lessons they have taught me.

I still wish I had never lived.

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Is that who I am? 

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Memories can say a lot about someone. They are essentially the foundations for who we are as people according to most, that the memories we have can either make us or break us. Inspire us to do better, give us joy and comfort when we most need them and strength from painful times we have been forced or had to endure.

So what does that say about a person whose entire life is fabricated fiction? I don't know. I don't really understand what that makes me am I still a person even though my creation started off as pieces of data, that in the end I may not be a real person who went to school once upon a time, solved a case that scarred me for years, that me who became the Ultimate Detective...that never really happened.

Not truly.

Does it matter though? Does it matter where exactly I came from? This is all so confusing and I can barely keep my thoughts in order, my brain is throbbing from this new information, it feels like a maze I had been continuously getting lost inside and today I finally took a right turn. That I finally was starting to get myself out of the mess, but...that just left more questions than answers.

If I have to take anything from this experience, I have a lot more empathy for Ouma right now than I did before. I don't know what I would have done if I had awoken with all my memories at once, this one is enough to make me confused and anxious, he had to deal with all of them, and according to Maiko two Ouma's battling for control of one body.

I wonder what Ouma was even like before the killing game, I doubt he would tell me honestly if I asked though. I don't even think I would tell him if I knew for sure I would get a definite answer. This is way too confusing.

Momota and Akamatsu both told me about their lives before, Akamatsu even telling me the game had been able to forge her talent for piano despite her real-life counterpart not being able to play even a single note on the piano. That they had started having memories and Maiko telling me that Ouma's memories had come all at once with no time to prepare. That the fact I had no memories for the first months of my recovery was a completely normal and regular thing.

No one ever told me what those memories what hold or what to do with them.

It had come completely out of the blue, I was just looking at a stack of books that Maiko had gotten for me, mainly mystery novels and a few mangas. It was normal really, but then one of them must have started a headache inside of me.

At first, I thought it was an ordinary migraine, I had some that week due to recovering from a cold, it was just normal at first I didn't even bother telling anyone, I just put away the books and tried to go back to sleep.

When I dreamed I saw him. Me. 

It didn't feel like me though, more like watching some kind of parallel universe, someone who looked exactly like me acting in an entirely different manner, he just seemed to be miserable and the kind of despair that would make the original Junko Enoshima proud of.

It was a miserable sight.

And now...now I think I can understand why I have the scars on my arms. Why I don't have any positive feelings when I try and think of my parents, and only real feelings of longing and sorrow. I guess that even makes sense why I had memories of me being raised by my Uncle...not my parents.

I wish the game creators made my parents loving, instead of keeping up with reality in that regard, it would have been nice to have some fond memories even if they weren't entirely based on reality. They still could've meant something to me. Anything.

But now I will never know.

I sighed, it wasn't going to help me to keep pondering on what-ifs. Instead, I got up and looked back at the scars on my arms, they were faded.

That person wasn't me anymore.

I got up and headed to the mirror, my hair was reaching to my shoulders right now. I can't control what direction my life may be going right now, or who might be control of it. For all, I know tomorrow Maiko will come through that door and tell me I will be in another season of Danganrona. 

But I can control somethings about myself, even if they may seem small and insignificant I am thankful that I can have even that. 

I headed to the bathroom and came out with a pair of scissors, I grabbed a fistful of hair and cut it. It was a bit terrifying at first, I am horrible when it comes to cutting hair I discover, it was jagged and uneven but it was back at the length it was in the killing game. 

It was strange seeing that haircut again...but I smiled regardless. Oh right! I reached towards the top of my head and curled a piece of my hair, a strand then popped up and out of place. It wasn't exactly what I looked like inside of the game.

I still had to deal with my skinny body, and I had bags under my eyes. But...I felt like me. And for now, that's all I needed.

I was still me despite what else has happened.

Whoever that I am.