Ouma's POV:

The attack ended after a day, they found us a day after, Saihara and me only being found by someone searching for a mop to clean up the blood, we were lucky, we were starving in there and if I had stayed another day in there...well I wouldn't have come out of there sane.

Even then, they isolated me for a few days just to try and 'fix' the trauma that event would place on my mind to make sure it didn't hurt my paralysis situation more, I could see why Maiko never came to see me for some reason so that was disappointing.

But maybe that makes it easier for me to pull this off, no cameras are inside my room but that didn't mean I couldn't be careful...I looked back to my arm, up until that day in the closet I couldn't feel it, much less move it.

I raised it, it was shaky but I managed to make a fist from it, my eyes widened again as I let it rest back on the sheets trying to replicate that with my legs, to see if I could maybe feel anything from them...

They sat there uselessly. I tsked under my breath, at least it's something...I tried to convince myself, I don't know why my arm can move again, I just knew something was up because of the itching I had, and then I realized I could feel the arm.

It was a miracle.

I didn't know what to do, the experience....me and Saihara talked, not like we were forced to back in the therapy session, which just ended up us shouting at each other, but talked...just random topics, things that didn't matter in the long run...

But...I think I missed that-no you can't go back to being that lovesick boy. You can't, you have one goal, last time he distracted you, he made you question yourself and you ended up failing because of that boy! You lost track of your objective, we can't do that again. This time it's just me...and we're ok with that.

That sentiment probably would have been easier to believe if I didn't have the dreams.

They began slowly, it was like most of the memories I had these days, I hadn't been back in the mind room, my nickname for that weird place, for weeks instead the memories came in the form of dreams, I suspect the other me also has unrestricted access to my memories which was why he could attack me by targeting my weaknesses.

Well, two can play at that game, I saw nothing really for the past weeks, fun dreams actually of DICE and him going off on their own adventures, they were a lot tamer than ours but still seemed fun.

Then I dreamed of Saihara.

I thought it was a fever dream at first, I usually was spectating the memories, but in this one I was my past self, walking up those stairs and heading towards the roof with the intentions to end my life, but that boy, Saihara, somehow convinced them to try and live another day...those two became friends...and would have fun playing games with each other.

The same type of games me and Saihara played inside of the game, the roles just seemed to have reversed.

I don't know what to make of it...I knew Saihara before the game, I knew him...and yet it ended the way it did, does he know? Probably not. He would have mentioned it to me...but on that logic, I should have told him.

Nope, let's not think about that. I could feel fear in my heart the whole time I spent with him because now I think I know the real reason I must have been drawn to him...it wasn't because of who I was in the game, who we were...no, it was because of him. 

It stings thinking my crush on Saihara might not have been because of my own feelings but someone else's. It's funny...

So apparently I have always been attracted to emos.

It's m-more complicated t-than that...

No, that's pretty accurate, seriously in all the memories I've seen of you two he has never smiled. Didn't you notice that? Saihara never smiled once in the entire time you spent together.

He...h-he was scared l-like me...h-he told me e-every time h-he smiled, s-something bad h-happened.

Is that why you wanted me to give him a chance? Because he used to be your boyfriend or something? Not because of anything WE went through but because you want to be with him again? You make me sick.

I-I thought y-you two w-were getting along n-now?

It's complicated. 

I-I have a-all day.

I don't love him or anything like that, whenever I come close to thinking maybe just maybe I could forget. Maybe I can learn to forget what happened, how it all ended...then I remember those words...he never said sorry for that, not that I would accept his apology, and I am right he was a hypocrite by scolding me for lying when he did it EVERY single-trial! Even worse I let him get away with them because I liked the weirdo!

B-But d-didn't he protect you from t-the attack?

That was out of self-interest. I mean if I ran out...ok crawled out, and made noise people would have noticed us and boom, end of the road for him. He helped me out of self-interest.

B-But w-why would he s-save you then? H-he could h-have left you to d-die.

I don't know, guilty conscience? He says he didn't want to watch someone die...but he already has watched someone die....he watched a lot of people die. I don't see why this time would be any different from the rest.

N-No...it would h-have been.

It would? Care to enlighten me.

This t-time...this time he could save them.

....

He saved you....s-so give h-him a c-chance...

...

H-Hey...say s-something...

I don't want to.

H-Huh?!

I don't want to forgive him. I don't want to even remember any of that shit, I don't want you stuck inside of my head, I just want to wake up and this was all some kind of weird messed up shit. But I can't have that, and you know what? Do you know what hurts the most? Is that the part of me that wants to forgive, that wants us to be friends again, the reason why I was drawn to Saihara in the first place was YOU! IT WASN'T ME WHO LIKED HIM IT WAS YOU! YOU DRAGGED ME INTO THIS MESS! YOU'RE STILL DRAGGING ME INTO THIS MESS! 

I-I'm sorry...

SORRY?! THAT'S IT?! WHY IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU EVER SAY! WHY? I WANT TO KNOW WHY! Why...why did you ever think this would ever be a good idea? Did...did you know how you would end up? That you would die? That kind of pain...you made me exist, I just want to live...I just want to live in a body that belongs to only me, with my friends, not the people they were based on, with my own happily ever after...do you know what that's like? Dying? It hurts...not just because it's painful...but because I had no idea where I was going...and you made me go through that...you're still manipulating my life, you want me to become friends with someone I HATE, SO JUST GO AWAY OR GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS ALREADY!

...

...

...

I'm sorry you were b-born...i-if it hurts so m-much...w-why don't you l-let me-?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AGH!

I was r-right though...my g-guess was right...

...what?

Your arm...y-you have control o-over it again...

...

H-He's the one w-who made i-it n-numb...s-so if y-you two b-become friends m-maybe

It won't work.

H-Huh? Why not?

Because he's not the sole reason my mind is messed up right now. I think you know your place in all of this.

O-Oh...w-what will you d-do then...?

Well, we're...I'm not telling anyone about this.

Huh? W-Why not?

So Saihara had the brains in your relationship- just sit back and watch the show ok? The pieces are falling into place, just a few things stand in my way...that attack did one good thing for me though, it let me know what the outside world is like if even for a glimpse since you refuse to squeak about what it is really like.

W-What will you do?

Patience. Don't worry, it's going to be fun, well maybe just for me.