Saihara's POV:

I'm one of three.

Three people survived the 53rd killing game. Three people managed to defy the odds, three people managed to fight for the truth, no matter how painful it was, three people managed to remain determined for the sole sake of those who didn't get to have that choice.

That's how I thought my story would have ended all those months ago...but that's not where it ended. Because they didn't die, they didn't die for real. They were all alive, they were alive and damaged but they were breathing.

So...I didn't think of the reality I left behind for a while, being one of the three...no I thought of the fact all the things I never got to tell them, all the things I desperately needed to know but never had a chance to...no I had that chance, I didn't need to imagine what they would tell me anymore because they were alive...

Maybe I was avoiding the truth though...because for as much as I pointed fingers...for as much as I liked pretending I was blameless...I messed up. I'm not a perfect person, that has always been clear, when even my 'successes' felt like failures, whether it be my 'backstory' or the game, yes I managed to get out of there alive- but at what cost?

Thirteen people died to let us escape.

It doesn't matter if it was a simulation.

It doesn't matter that it wasn't my fault we were put in that situation.

It doesn't matter if it was in the past- BECAUSE I KILLED THEM!

I failed Akamatsu, I couldn't fulfill her promise, I couldn't keep them together, I couldn't stop any of them from dying, I could just try and preserve what was left, that's all...I couldn't even take the burden of that, it was Momota who made sure I could bear that guilt...he carried the blame and my hatred for my weaknesses...

He protected me...and I let him die. WHY? WHY CAN'T I FORGET THIS?! WHY DO I STILL SEE THEIR BODIES IN MY DREAMS?! WHY DO I STILL HEAR HER VOICE?! It's over! It's been over for months! It didn't even hurt at first...I didn't feel this pain...

So...why? Why does this hurt so much...? Why? Why can't I move forward like they would want me to...I'm so pathetic...I'm not like the past Ultimate Detectives my past self desired to be...a guiding light, someone who was strong enough to help lead the others out of the darkness, through whatever brutal truth they faced...someone amazing. 

I'm pathetic next to them. As for my previous life, I only see glimpses of the person I used to be, much of it was muddled and blurry, coming out as muted emotions rather than full-blown memories. It's like hearing a story from someone, you fill in the visuals yourself sometimes with some guidance, but you will never have the full picture...but even he seemed to be a stronger person than me...would he be mad knowing how pathetic he became?

I didn't have any answers...so I turned to him...

I opened the door and Momota was already there, looking even better than the last time I had seen him. I felt embarrassed... "hi..." I mumbled, "Oh hi Saihara, good to see you, what did you want to talk about?" he asked.

I shifted nervously in my seat, taking a deep breath "how...how do you forgive people so easily...?" I ask, he looked at me confused as I hang my head down in shame, "when I first saw Ouma again...I was so angry when I looked at him...I don't know why, it's just...you know how it ended, what happened to Gokuhara, and then what happened to you! Everyone was telling me to go easy on him! I wanted to do that, I wanted to be able to still be civil! 

"But honestly I lashed out! I couldn't see him as one of my old friends! I saw him as the person who manipulated Gokuhara! I see him as the person who lied to us all! I know he had good intentions! I know that he didn't want it to end like that! But you know what that doesn't change Momota?! PEOPLE GOT HURT! He never looked guilty...

"I...I don't know what I want...an apology? But it wasn't just me he hurt...he hurt people...and then I hurt him...I slapped him right across the face..." I admitted, Momota just waited for me to continue which I appreciated.

"When the attack happened I saw him again...but it wasn't like the last time, where I was just angry...no instead I just wanted to save him...that just made me more confused, cause even he asked why I did that...it's messed up isn't it? I hate him but don't want him to die...that's what I came to conclude...but then I saw Shirogane, someone I also hated...but for some reason, I just could accept her and move on...WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!" I shouted.

"I DIDN'T EVEN SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH SHIROGANE! My main memories with her are her in the last trial! SO WHY DO I FORGIVE HER SO EASILY WHEN UNLIKE OUMA SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BENEFITS OF GOOD INTENTIONS?!" I felt my body shaking.

"I'm lost...Momota, just tell me what do you do? Did you forgive him...? Did...did you forgive me for what happened?" I asked. "Why would I need to forgive you?" he asked, "...I ruined your and Ouma's plan in the end...I revealed you both to Monokuma...I didn't do anything to save anyone, I just let you all die...you and Akamatsu trusted me to help them...and I honestly failed both of you...even now...I didn't even die, Akamatsu strangles herself, Ouma is paralyzed, everyone is traumatized from the game...and yet why do I, someone who didn't even die, feel like a piece of shit? I shouldn't be allowed to feel like this! I don't get to feel bad about myself! You guys should be the ones to get mad at me! I RUINED EVERYTHING! I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING! I didn't stop the killing game! I didn't stop anyone from killing each other! WHY DID I GET TO SURVIVE-"

"That isn't true," Momota told me. My eyes widened as I looked at him, "you did save people, you saved Yumeno and Harukawa" he told me, "that was Kiibo-" I started, "every single trial, who did we rely on? Who did we put our trust in to make sure we could survive another day? It was YOU Saihara, Shuichi yes people died...people betrayed one another, that's a sad thing that happened, but you ARE NOT responsible for what happened to them, you didn't force them to kill someone, you weren't the one who murdered people...no you were the one who brought the people who died and the people who remained closure by finding the truth, you're the one who made sure we could have more time to find the mastermind, another chance for us to not betray each other...some didn't take that chance...and that's sad, and what happened in the fifth trial wasn't your fault, you did your job to find the truth, who can fault you for that?

"Because once you did you even contradicted yourself for me! Hah! I still remember how shocked I was when you told Monokuma you were wrong! I was so confused Saihara, but I'm glad you believed in me...we were just unlucky...that's what I'm going to believe in" he told me.

"Your wrong..." I told him, tears filling up in my eyes, "am I?" he asked, "your wrong because I'm a horrible person, a person who can't forgive a person who used to be my friend, a person who blamed everyone for what happened before I could even take a cold fucking look in the mirror..." I muttered.

"Oh Ouma, that's right, thanks for saving him," Momota said, "there we go, three people, you saved the life of," he said holding up three fingers...I raised an eyebrow, "You wanted to know if I forgave him right? If I forgave Ouma...well, he was at times a little shit, that I'm not denying...but in the end, he tried to stop the game, now his methods for stopping the game were not what I would do in a million years, but he tried...so that's what I'll think, that's what I decided...so I forgave him for him and I putting you and Harukawa, and all the rest in such a painful position, for some of his more questionable actions I don't think I have the right to forgive, that's Gokuhara and Iruma's decision..." he reasoned.

"...Iruma and Gokuhara's decision..." I mumbled, "knowing Gokuara he probably didn't even need a second to forgive him," Momota said, "he was too innocent for this world..." I laughed sadly. I looked down thinking of it... "the outside world is just as mysterious as it was in the game...even now, without any real need to, I still need to search for answers, a truth...I guess that's the detective in me..." I told him.

"Hah! Yeah, I think I'm like that too, I want to go back to space" he boasted, "I mean technically I didn't go to space, because it was in a simulation, so this time I'm going up there!" Momota declared.

"I thought you were going to stay behind?" I asked, "I did think about it...but well me and Maki Roll are a couple now," he said with a wide smile, "and since she doesn't want to stay here, I'll try and find something else to do with my life," he said.

"Are you ok with that?" I asked he nodded, "I'm excited, to figure out what's out there, to try and set up a new life for myself, it's going to be exciting...I'm leaving in a few weeks..." Momota told me.

My eyes widened, "what...?" I asked, "yeah, I'm getting discharged, I'm going to miss you Shuichi," he told me, "you're going to leave...it feels like you just came back into my life..." I told him.

"I know, sorry man, don't worry though you're not going to be alone, oh! Maki Roll wants to talk to you soon so make sure you two arrange that! Maybe with Yumeno? She's the third survivor right? I'm sure they can help you out with what you are dealing with better than me" he said.

"You think so...?" I asked, "of course, they're in the same boat as you," he told me. I sighed, I guess it was true. We talked a little bit more after that, some of his plans mostly, some joking even...so when we got up to go I headed to the door, none of my questions were answered...the ones that really hurt and cut deep...but...

I'm ready to find those answers.

"Oh, Shuichi one second!" Momota said I turned around, "yes?" I asked. "I'm glad that you survived! Don't forget that for a second!" he said. My eyes widened as he left before I even got a chance to respond...

I'm glad that you survived.