Saihara's POV:

It's been nearly two weeks since I figured out about Kiibo, in that time I learned from Maiko some details about how they're going to break the news to everyone else, which will be to gather us in small groups to break the news.

I don't know how I feel about that, one side of me is happy that I can see some of the others, I haven't seen anyone outside of Momota, Akamatsu, Shirogane, and Ouma as of yet. I don't know why I haven't, I guess it's dread.

I sentenced some of these people to death. I killed them, and I can't take that back...I could have saved them but I didn't. So I don't know how I'm going to act when I see them all again, but it's not like I can avoid this.

In a week we're going to be attending Kiibo's funeral after all.

It will be the first time we leave the facility, which is strange to me since I will finally get to see what the outer world is like, but the reason why I get that opportunity hurts, the event according to Maiko will be private due to Kiibo's death still hasn't been announced to the general public, the only attendees other than us from the latest game will be of course his parents, I didn't even think of them how are they coping?, along with the participants from the games Kiibo was in for his other incarnations which include people from Shirogane and Amami's previous season which made me wonder if I should reach out to Amami or Shirogane about their thoughts on them after going through two games, but that might be insensitive of me.

Maiko will be there also, along with other selected staff and security teams for our protection in case our location is leaked. The idea of the so-called 'fans' of Danganronpa finding us terrified me.

I couldn't handle it right now, I just can't. It feels like every day since I woke up I've become less like the person everyone refers to, the me that in the end had some kind of confidence, and was brave and able to sacrifice themself if it meant the end of the games forever-who stood up for everyone inside of the game regardless of what they did during the game...

And I wonder why I can't be that person right now.

It doesn't feel like me, I should have been better than this, I should be able to help people more,  be kind to Ouma and Shirogane sooner, I should have reached out to everyone like Momota did to me and become the hero Maiko idealized me...

But I'm not that person. I don't know what happened to them, so...I decided I'm going to try and figure that out for myself. Because I owe it to everyone to become the person everyone needs, someone who can finally be the hero they need.

I have to.

~-~-~-~

"Oh hi Saihara" Akamatsu called as I walked inside, she seemed to be doing better as she seemed a bit more cheerful but she still had the deep bags under her eyes and her neck was still bandaged tightly along with her fingers.

"Hello, thanks for agreeing to meet me," I told her, "it's not a problem, I'm glad to see you again," she told me, "Shirogane told me about you helping her during...during your meeting and I'm thankful for that," she told me.

I raised an eyebrow, "you two have been speaking?" I asked she nodded, "yes, Amami, Shirogane, and I have been trying to mend bridges after what happened, and we're pretty close I think now," she told me proudly.

"Oh wow, that's amazing, congrats," I told her, I felt happy for her but that only tightened the knot in my chest, Shirogane, Akamatsu, and Amami killed each other yet here they are learning to forgive each other...and you can't even mend your relationship with Ouma?

Pathetic.

"Saihara are you ok? You look like something is bothering you" Akamatsu asked concerned, "oh it's just...well...ok so you remember Ouma right? And what happened during the fourth trial?" I asked she nodded.

"I got briefed on what happened yes, I didn't watch it myself though, I only watched the sixth trial with Chabashira and Tojo because something amazing was happening, and they weren't wrong," she told me.

"Well, when Ouma died we weren't exactly on good terms, and when I woke up I hated him, I hated him so much because of how Gokuhara died, and when we met a bit before we met I hurt him, we were arguing and I lost my temper and I ended up slapping him out of anger...

"Not my proudest moment. Well, when I calmed down I realized what I had done, and I knew I didn't want to just hate Ouma for the rest of my life, so recently I've been trying to mend our relationship to...well let me just say Ouma hasn't exactly forgiven me for what happened, why would he though? I didn't forgive him...I still don't think I have forgiven him for what happened...I just don't want to be that hateful person anymore, especially when I start to think of what he's going through with him stuck with his mental problems I feel guilty for adding onto that" I admitted.

"Oh..." Akamatsu started she looked unsure of what to say, I didn't blame her for that, "I just want to figure out what I should do, everyone has been telling me how great I was at the end of the game but I have no idea why! I'm not even a great person right now and I don't know how I ever was that person if even for a moment...it's not me anymore" I muttered the last part out.

"What are you talking about? You're still Shuichi Saihara" she said, "one of my friends" she added, "Shuichi Saihara was a character made up in Danganronpa...and the name of someone who gave their life to Danganronpa, I don't know much about them at that, like if maybe the two of us have similar hobbies or if they would have been sad knowing that they got replaced by me...I just don't know" I mumbled.

"From what I saw in the trials they wanted to be a murderer, they wanted to design horrible murders...and that's scary...I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and become them, and I know...I know that the old me should also get to exist because...because even if they weren't the greatest person, maybe this came from Momota, I believe they don't deserve to just die" I told her.

"Then what are you so worried about?" Akamatsu laughed, "excuse me?" I asked, "you're still the same person silly," she told me, "huh?" I asked, "you're still working to do the right thing, you messed up but hey everyone does...I messed up. I killed Amami, doesn't matter that we didn't die or not, doesn't matter my circumstances because for him he still died because of my actions even though Shirogane was the one who dealt the actual blow...you're trying Saihara, and hey maybe Ouma won't ever forgive you...but hey...I know you, you'll figure this out" she assured.

"I don't know if I can...this is completely different from the simulation..." I doubted, "I didn't save any lives there...and I didn't stand by him when he murdered Iruma, I didn't reach out to him, we were friends did you know that? When the third trial ended and I realized his words helped Yumeno I reached out to him...and then I let go" I told her.

"In my opinion, he let go too" she argued, "I let you go too, and hey I think me and Ouma have something in common, but regardless of who was in the right Saihara- the game is over, we all know that physically but mentally and emotionally I doubt the game has left anyone's mind, well I hear Momota is an exception maybe, I doubt we're ever going to leave the game...so instead of trying to fix what we can't change anymore, I think you should just keep doing what you said you've been doing," she told me.

"What?" I asked, "Yeah...just keep trying to make peace...I mean don't get stalker that wouldn't be good" she quickly added, "WHAT?! I thought you knew me better than that..." I mumbled embarrassed.

"Sorry Sai," she said.

"Oh no don't start making nicknames" I playfully groaned and she laughed.

~-~-~-~-~

"So how was your meeting with Akamatsu?" Maiko asked, "good...I think it helped me a bit" I admitted, "that's good" she said smiling happily, "what did you two talk about? You were in there for hours" she asked.

"We talked about...well how I am now compared to back inside the game" I lightly put it, "ah I see..." she said, "Yeah I think I've changed a lot, Akamatsu thinks I haven't it's been confusing to say the least" I elaborated.

"Well it's normal for you to change, not only growing as a person but especially because of how you're learning about your previous self" Maiko reminded us as if this was common fact, I raised an eyebrow "what do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you have gotten memories right?" Maiko asked, "kind of? I got one and that's it" I told her. Maiko then stopped dead in her tracks, "when...when exactly was that?" she asked, "maybe a few months ago now?" I guessed, "I guess the other me doesn't feel like talking or something" I joked.

Maiko didn't look like she wanted to be joking.

"...Saihara, tell me, have you had any memories of your other self?" Maiko asked calmly, I raised an eyebrow, "I had a few memories maybe a month ago? I haven't had any since, why?" I asked and her eyes widened.

"No...he couldn't have...it's too soon..." she mumbled biting her lip, "what?" I asked, "your pregame self...usually they remain a while, for Ouma his case is extreme with his other self even being able to battle for control of the body, but in other tamer cases, migraines, memories coming through in dreams, some hear an occasional voice that isn't their own...but you haven't had any of that..." she mumbled.

"Are you sure you haven't had any sort out of body actions that you feel like weren't your own? Or any sort of headaches, Saihara this is very important no matter how big or small I need to know" she pressured I felt myself sweating from how nervous I was...

...

...

...

Nothing.

"No..." I told her, "I haven't..." I admitted as she looked down shocked for a while before looking back at me as if looking for something when her expression turned to melancholy "he's gone..." she mumbled.

"What?" I asked, "the other you...they're gone," she told me, I felt as if my body froze as I felt myself shaking, "I don't understand..." I told her, "what do you mean they're gone?" I asked, "that's it...it's something that always happens...your body can't handle the pressure of the two personalities, so usually the two end up blending over years...either that or one wins over the other, usually that ends up hurting the body terribly like for Ouma but it lasts a short time, but for you...your case is a rare one," she told me.

"Yours gave up before it could even fight," she told me, "huh?" I mumbled, "your other self, it's the only conclusion I can come to, the person you were before relinquished everything to you, this is good and bad at the same time, good because the toll on your body will be next to nothing, but horrible because...well, let me just say from...personal experience...that you won't be getting any sort of memories any time soon" she admitted.

"He gave up...?" I muttered to myself as I ran my fingers through my hair, I could hear in the background Maiko trying to assure me not to worry but all I could think of was the boy I used to be...the boy who regretted ever living...who didn't even to be that alive in the first place...

He's gone...and what's worst is...I can't miss him, and I don't think anyone else can either... 

He's gone.

And I don't know how to feel about that.