Saihara's POV:

The plated windows were still eery for me.

Walking in the hallways of the new section of the hospital was still strange and foreign to me after having been placed inside the one ward for so long, supposedly due to the attack that had happened so many months ago, it was to protect us due to the minor loss of life among the staff and supposedly people who were taken away.

I don't believe that for a second, if they were concerned with our safety why now and not back then? The way Maiko has been behaving also put me in a dark place, the creeping fear that despite the attempts I had made during that final trial...Dangrnonpa was coming back for another season, and them moving us from the ward under that likely pretense was an elaborate cover-up.

I wish Momota was here still...he could put me at ease...

About a month before this new environment change Momota was finally discharged as a patient and left the facility, he wanted a quiet exit but when Akamatsu had caught word of what was happening she wouldn't give him that and instead almost our entire game came together to wish him luck...with a few glaring exceptions.

Kiibo who we had lost, some like Shinguji who was just a mystery along with strangely Yonaga, along with of course Ouma.

...

Ouma...

I still can't understand Ouma whatsoever. 

Not during the killing game, not when we were uncovering, and especially I will never truly understand what had happened on the rooftop. It felt like another person...maybe it was. But it was everything I had ever wanted from Ouma in some sort of distorted nightmare, I wanted to understand Ouma. I wanted to know why he did what he did, to be honest with me about his feelings but I only helped to make him push those feelings further and further inside of himself because of my own rage and disappointment at both myself in him for what could have been. How my hands...even if I never rolled that ball, even if I had never stained myself with the blood of the people I had considered my friends were still black.

But that rooftop made me reconsider this small wish of mine because I realized...I don't know anything about Ouma even after all that time we did spend in the simulator and that brief moment of peace between us after the attack.

But whoever it truly was on that rooftop wanted help, they were so desperate and distraught with regret and even if that wasn't really Ouma I can't help but want to comply with that wish if only so my own soul could finally not be wrecked with the guilt...that if I hadn't gone after him...

I really would have killed someone.

That's what I told myself for those long silent months when I struggled time and time again with the treatments to try and regain some of my memories, to understand what Ouma might have been talking about...I turn up empty.

Whoever I was, has been erased from the world. With no one left to mourn, not even myself. if they really did have friends or a family who cared about them...they never came for me. Shouldn't I feel like something is missing? If there are people in my life who could mean so much to me shouldn't I be stewing over their absence? Why does my mind only long for an Uncle I know never really existed? 

Why do I keep going back to Ouma?

I have many people who I can make amends to, all the blackened who I forfeited the lives for to try and save the rest only to fail time and time again, the victims who even if I found their killers still suffered from my own incompetence and uselessness...to Shirogane the woman who I once despised with every bone in my body, and now stands as my sole fear of Danganronpa forcing me to become...I keep going back to Ouma.

Ouma wants nothing to do with me and has made that clear.

Still...

I glanced at Ouma's hospital door, I could hear the noise inside and I knew...I knew he was awake. I knew he had been awake for a week now, Maiko had told me excitedly...and yet I never once entered the room. Even if I had waited outside the door, it felt so strange now.

I had waited for him when he was in that coma, Momota as well, we had all waited for him to wake up Momota only leaving when he had set out onto whatever great things life had waiting for him, Maiko who would always come back to him after tireless days...and I...

I had sat in that chair, I had brought books for him comedically enough so if he did wake up alone he wouldn't get bored...and yet even when I know he is awake now, I can't open the door.

Why...why am I still so useless....?

...

"Hey....whoever out there...you're being really loud you know..." a voice groaned as my eyes widened as I stared back at the door. "You've been here every day I bet...you know it's annoying hearing your pace around the hall like a madman right?" he chastised with his usual cheeky tone.

...

"You going to say anything...? Are you really that boring?" he yawned as I felt the door almost ominously leer over me as my feet moved like lead towards the front with a shaking hand I knocked once on the door.

"Oh great the assassin is here, welp come in" Ouma joked but his face went pale when I entered.

The week had done him only so much good, while no longer on a ventilator he still had on an oxygen mask and an IV drip was still being inserted into his arm due to what I bet his stomach couldn't handle food, his body wasn't as skinny anymore but his arms were almost like a twig along with having tired dark circles under his eyes.

"Oh fuck me..." Ouma mumbled when he saw me, I paused, "sorry...about walking I guess..." I apologized embarrassed. "I'm starting to wish it was the assassin" Ouma joked coldly as he poked his paralyzed legs.

"Sorry I'll just go then, I mean I don't want to bother you really I was just going to say-"

"You stopped me." Ouma said suddenly as I felt my heart drop, he said that nonchalantly as his cold violet eyes stared into my own, "thanks...I guess...it would have sucked if I died before taking over the world...what kind of supreme leader would I be if that happened...so thanks..." he mumbled, his face was also red from the embarrassment as I couldn't help but laugh a little at the supreme leader comment.

"Your welcome I guess then, I feel bad for humanity though" I admitted, Ouma in what I imagine a desperate attempt to save his pride laughed, "you've doomed them all Saihara! You will go down in history as the one who destroyed them all!" he laughed, once again like a horse before erupting into a coughing fit covering his mouth with his hand and even when he was done looked to be in pain.

The room fell back into silence, he occasionally glanced at me as if wanting to say something but gave up, "thanks...just...thanks" he told me, as I took that as a sign to leave as Ouma scratched his leg slightly I concealed my emotions once again and left the room in what was at first a slow walk before running, sprinting with no real explanation...

I'm sorry.