hello friends

abdullah back at it again with the random chapter although he said he'd go on a hiatus but it's Friday so it's okay

yesterday wasn't exactly my favorite day

i went home, tried to sleep, couldn't, cried for almost an hour about a dream i had before, sneezed a lot because im sick as fuck, and just ended up trying not to die instead of enjoying the one day i can chill

my parents helped a bit

my mom made me a sandwich and she noticed my legs weren't in the best shape so she brought it to my room with a bottle of water and talked to me about whether i was recovering or not

we decided to go to the hospital on Monday for an eye check up and a meeting with the physio

she had tears in her eyes and her voice became really quiet because she said that she blamed herself for everything that happened to me in my life and i told her that it's my fault, and it's on  me, not her

my dad was pissed at me for some reason, i never know why he's mad

i didn't talk to him a lot because of my confinement in my bed

my cats accompanied me, as always, being my number one relievers at home

it's just, you know, it's like they have a sixth sense of what's going on

i wish i had people in my life that were loyal and caring like my cats

thank you catto Rose and catto Snow

in the evening, i decided to go to the park to test my leg out to make sure that i was healing or hopefully already healed

i didn't get to play basketball, but I did run a  bit round the park, which stretched my legs out

it helped, i think, because they don't hurt as much today and i feel much faster

if that makes any sense

whatever, hopefully the ankle sprain is gone and i can go back to sports

my parents were a bit mad at me during dinner time because i only ate two slices of pizza and then i just got up and left

I don't know what came over me i just felt nauseous and confined, controlled of sorts, and i wanted to get out of there immediately

my dad came to my room and lectured me and told me that im being very rude and how i've been behaving really weirdly the past few days and he just kept going on about how i should respect and listen to him because he's my father and everything

i decided to go for a walk, and somewhere in that time i thought of leaving home

leaving home and going to a friend's house, for the week, or even until new year's

but then my mom called me, and i just lied to her saying i'll be back in an hour because im at the park or the courts or something

i walked around Mirdif (where i live) for almost two hours, just wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and why im like this

i didn't understand anything and i didn't understand why people neglected and lied to others

i still don't

i thought that if we loved each other with the same love we have for materialistic things, for our favourite singers, or artists, or actors and actresses, we'd  be much happier

because it's those people around you who deserve the love you give people who don't know you

your mom, your dad, your brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, your best friends, your boyfriend/ girlfriend if you have one, your pets

i just thought that the world would be a better place if we all just stopped being cold to everyone and spoke the truth, and loved each other no matter what

and it's impossible to achieve, i know that

because no matter what, human emotions will always break the idealistic world's attempt to exist

jealousy, hate, backbiting, dishonesty

it's just worrisome how much one can lie to the people who truly care, yet speak the truth to someone who won't remember them in a week's time

it's scary how many lives have been fucked up because of one man or woman's jealousy or hate

i know people who've lost themselves emotionally and mentally because of a girl or a guy

people who've broken themselves because of someone they loved but they didn't love back

and it's not okay, it's not normal

it's not 'unlucky' or the person is weak

it's because of the people they have in their lives

people who hate, are jealous, lie, and talk shit behind others backs

and not everyone makes it through rehab or therapy

the feeling of losing someone you want with all your heart and soul is not something you can fix easily

trust me, i know.

the bottom line is, we, as people, need to give the people around us, our family, our friends, our siblings, all of our attention and care

even if they're not returning it, even if they call you a jackass, give them love and support

because you don't know what's going on in their head and you don't know what could be going on in their lives

and trust me, you'll regret it only when the act has been done.

okay, that was a bit of an emotional chapter

sorry bout that

i just felt like i had to write that, because half the people im close with are like this

not that im judging anyone

but realising what's wrong and what's right isn't a bad thing

so yeah

that'll be all for this weekend probably, if i decide to write something later

i dunno, you guys know how indecisive i am

for now, goodbye

good luck, if anybody needs it

from your caring and loving turtle cat,

Abdullah ❤️⚡