~~~~~
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in the snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the mornings hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
~~~~~

You were Talyen. You and Kenji were close. More accurately, close was an understatement for the pair.

You were loud and obnoxious. You liked wearing bright colours and pieces of clothing only you could pull off. You've been denouncing gender roles since '03. You hate playing sports, running or doing anything that could ruin your hair. You loved writing though. Despite being the extrovert you were, you enjoyed sitting alone and writing pages and chapters of stories. You loved connecting to each of your characters and projecting your dreams, goals and worries into each of them, placing strong Asian heritage in each to relate with them. You had an unhealthy obsession with angst and multi-shipping. The one thing that made you happiest was getting your best friend to read your stories, grinning as he saw his own name and characteristics scrawled into a better version of himself on paper.

Kenji was quiet and reserved. He was trendy, not enough to stand out, but perfect to blend in. He liked getting by without people's approval but not looking like an idiot either. Unfortunately, being quiet and reserved doesn't quite fit the criteria of being the star football player. He was always being chased down by girls and meant to hang out with the "jocks''. He hated the sweat of locker rooms and arms over his shoulders from the muscular teammates. Yet the feeling of happiness and euphoria he got on the field was totally worth it. He'd loved sports as a kid too. Scholarships were going to come easy to him. He fidgeted a lot, usually doodling on his arm or playing with his fingers. The one thing that made games better was having you -his best friend- on the sidelines, screaming his name, despite your intense hate for the rough game.

But you were always going to be that way. By each other's side. Because when you were kids, you made a promise.

'I'll stay with you forever!' You threw your hands up. Kenji was afraid you, his outgoing friend, was going to pack up and leave for someone more like you, someone happier and more outgoing.

'Promise?' Kenji asked.

'Promise!' you linked your pinkies. Who knew such a small thing at the time would be so much bigger?

~~~~~

'Kenji! Kenji!' You groaned as you ran up to Kenji, slinging your arm around the latter.

'What's up?' Kenji asked, not caring about the looks you both got as you strolled through the school.

'Ugh! I got like a B- on my test.' You threw a paper in Kenji's hands. He began flipping through, reading questions and wincing at obvious mistakes.

'Really? When were you meant to study?'

'That free period we have together- ouch! What was that for?' You rubbed the back of your head as Kenji rolled his eyes.

'Ask me for help dumbass!' Kenji started writing down numbers on the palm of his hand -the only bit of skin on his arms not totally doodled over- and counting in his head.

'What?' You asked, curious to what Kenji was thinking.

'By the end of the semester....' He mumbled, finalising his equations, 'I can get you on an A- and by the end of the year an A+ if you try hard enough. And do all your homework.' Kenji nodded, sure of what he'd thought up.

'No way bro! That's great! You're gonna help me?'

'When I don't have football practice, you'll have to study on your own during that.' Kenji handed back the test paper.

'I won't let you down!' You grinned.

'Promise?'

'Promise!' you linked your pinkies.

'You still coming to the game though, right?'

'I promised, I'd stick with you!' You rubbed the top of Kenji's head with your knuckles. 'Right?'

'Right.' Kenji laughed.

~~~~

'Dude, some chick asked me to prom again!' Kenji groaned as he slid into his seat.

'Just say yes to one of them then!' You pushed Kenji, 'Stop pouting.'

'I'm allowed to pout. I hate all this unnecessary interaction.' Kenji placed his head on the desk, pouting further.

'Why'd I agree to go with you to prom?' You asked, looking up from your latest story.

'Because you, kind sovereign, are my best friend. You are my excuse for turning down all those girls.' Kenji pointed at you, his saviour for the time being, before flopping down on the desk again. 'Doesn't stop them from asking me though.'

'You're a crappy guy, ya know that?' You leaned back in your chair, chuckling at his despair.

'I am.' Kenji grumbled, nose pressed against the wooden surface.

'You'll always have me.'

'Promise?' Kenji threw his hand out to you, still not removing his face from the surface.

'Yeah, promise.' you linked your pinkies.

~~~

'MOOOOVING IN DAY! MOOOOVING IN DAY! MOOOOVING IN DAY! MOOOOVING IN DAY!'

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' Kenji threw down his box.

'It's a great day! Ce-le-brate! Today is awesome hey! 'Cause it's MOVING IN DAY!' You cha-cha-ed around the living room as you did a stupid dance.

'Those lyrics are awful.' Kenji sighed, unloading the new kitchenware.

'SHUT UP! You're jealous of my wonderful singing!' You flopped on the second-hand couch.

'Jealous of the people who don't have to hear it.'

'Bitch.'

'Asshole.'

You both unpacked and the next couple days were perfect.

'You gotta get a job, Tal.' Kenji flopped on top of you.

'I promised I wouldn't let you down right?'

'Right,' Kenji held up his hand, 'Promise me you'll stand by me. I know you don't wanna go to college or stay in this country but I still need you an-'

You linked your pinkies.

'Promise.'

~~

'Talyen!' Navigating hospitals was hard. Kenji had nothing but a number, a ward number, and my phone.

He threw himself out of the lift and ran. He wasn't an emergency contact nor was he family so when Kenji got the call from your mum he immediately went to the hospital, hoping, praying to gods he didn't even believe in, that you were okay.

'Talyen!' He pushed open the doors to the ward you were on. He sped up his walk as he saw your bed.

'Kenji...' You whispered his name as your hand reached up to him. You winced as you bent your arm.

You were in pain, even an idiot could tell.

'What the fuck did you do?'

'It's a terminal illness I guess. I didn't show any symptoms til....it was too late I suppose. Bad habits, ya know...I just thought I wasn't drinking enough water or I had a sore throat!' You smiled, pain seeping through like acid in your mouth.

'Tal...'

'It's called Bulbar onset MND or Progressive bulbar palsy (PBP). It affects a smaller number of people than typical ALS, and mainly affects the muscles of the face, throat and tongue. Early symptoms may include slurring of speech or difficulty swallowing. Life expectancy is between six months and three years from onset of symptoms but because it went by unnoticed....' your dad trailed off as tears flowed down your mom's cheeks.

'You haven't got much time left have you?'

'Better enjoy me while you still can Kenji!' You smiled again, the joy still lacking it's usual place.

'I guess I better, huh.'

Her parents left to give us some time to talk.

'Kenji.' Your smile fell, finally showing a frown.

'Yeah Tal?'

'You need to promise me something.'

You held out your pinkie.

'Forgive me?'

~

'So here I am.' I whisper.

'Kenji, the dead guy's best friend.' I give a sour chuckle.

'Remember all that?' I ask.

'I do.'

'I don't blame you.'

'I just wish you kept our promises.'

'You let me down.'

'You didn't stick around.'

'You didn't stay by me forever.'

'You promised me Tal.' I choke out, desperate not to cry.

'But it's fine.' I look up at the clouds.

'I'll visit. I'll leave flowers. I'll talk to you so you aren't lonely.'

'I'll forgive you.' Tears slide down my cheeks as I finally let my sadness show.

'After all...' my usual voice now was simply a whisper, nobody but myself could hear.

'I promised you, didn't I?'

I take another look at the view. It was a hill, simple and calm. You would've liked it. Maybe based a scene in your story off it.

You and I weren't in love. Or perhaps we were both too big of cowards to say something about it. But you and I were closer than any couple could be. Maybe you didn't keep your promises. Maybe if I were a better friend, if I noticed things, if I took you to a doctor in time, you would've been able to.

Sure we weren't in love, but your promises were filled with more love than I could ever need.

~~~~~
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
~~~~~