⚠️ Trigger Warning⚠️

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A sigh heaved out from your lips as you sat on the edge of the bed staring into space with no particular emotion. You slowly stood up again, and walked to the bathroom.

The mirror, something that you've grown a big hate for in the past few weeks. You stared at your reflection, hoping for some miracle to happen and you suddenly change. You hated what you were seeing. You wanted to be pretty and perfect. Not dull and fat.

You've developed an incompatible hate for yourself. You had started seeing as some of the people in your school described you.

"Y/N you've gained a lot of fat?"

"Y/N do you eat all the food in your house? Hahah"

"Hey, what happened to your skin?"

"You used to look so pretty Y/N, what have you done to yourself?"

"I think you just sit and eat whole day."

And what not. You pinched your cheek, pulling to see if there's really some fat. Then you lifted your shirt to see if your belly was really sticking out. And then shook your head to see if your hair is really short and ugly. And you got the answers. The mirror in front you answered.

"Yes you're ugly."

"Very ugly."

"Have you seen your brothers? They're what's called perfect. And look at you, you ugly girl can't even go a day without them."

"You're using them."

Its been enough time for you to get used to it though. But still somewhere deep inside you, it still hurts. When they look at you the second time with a judging expression. Although you try to ignore all of them and pretend that you don't care. But you care, you know every comment being passed about you. You don't talk to people and maintain your distance, even with your brothers. because you don't wanna be termed as selfish and seen as if you're using your brothers.

And at this point, you've trained yourself, to not give a shit about anyone. You don't care about what's happening around you now. All the people have pushed your limits so much that you're done. Done showing that you care. Done making anyone feel sorry. Done being the one always run to your brothers. Done being the polite one. You're done feeling. No matter what people say now, good or bad, it doesn't matter to you anymore.

"Y/N?" You heard someone call from your room, as they knocked on the bathroom door. You sighed and pulled one of your best smiles, and opened the door.

"Yes oppa?"

"I was waiting for you for so long. Anyways do you wanna go to the mall?" Taehyung asked.

You thought for a moment and nodded.

"Sure" No.

"Great then, get changed and come down. Kook, Yoongi hyung and Jimin are also waiting."

"Okay"

He left and you changed into something nicer. Though it didn't quivered the fact that you still saw yourself as an ugly person with self esteem down in hell. You sighed and decided not look at any of the mirrors. You've been doing that for a while now. You tend to not look into mirrors, but sometimes your emotionless self has a sudden upheaval of disgracing yourself so you stand in front of the mirror and curse your heart out. Like you did today.

"I'm ready" You said, making the boys to glance at you as you walked down.

"Let's go child." Yoongi said, "you look cute" he ruffled your hair. Your smile fell at that. But you quickly pulled another one.

"Thanks" Don't lie to me oppa.

You sat in the car with Taehyung and Jimin either side of you, as Jungkook had called dibs for the shotgun. Yoongi was driving, will he hummed to a song. Soon Jungkook started singing to the tune and the other two joined eventually.

"Okay we're here!" Yoongi announced.

"Let's get it!" Jungkook chimed and got out of the car.

.....

"Noo oppa! That one looks better" you said as you laughed at Taehyung wearing a bright pink framed goggles.

Taehyung giggled and kept them away, as you guys moved further in the aisle. You were now going towards the clothes section. Jimin was already ahead of you guys, and Jungkook was just roaming around with Yoongi.

"Y/N-ah!" You averted your attention from Taehyung to Jimin, who was a few aisles away. "Come here!" He said.

You nodded and went to him, while Taehyung lagged behind. Your eyes landed on somethi- someone, and your smile dropped to ground.

"Oh hey Y/N" the girl said, "Are you with your brothers again? Can't even go to a mall with someone not babying you all the time. Tsk" she said. Minji.

Your body felt frozen, and again the thought of you using your brothers started haunting you. The cold and emotionless self was back. You decided to ignore her and walk to Jimin. He was looking at some shirts. Just when you almost reached him, a voice entered your ears.

"C'mon Y/N, we don't wanna be rude. But seriously, you should stop using them. How selfish are you? You're using Jake and Clay as well."

Emily

Your jaw ticked as you glared at them. She scoffed and walked away with Minji. You grabbed your hood and pulled it till half your face was covered. You chewed on your lower lip as you stared at the glass door for the exit. It faintly reflected your image. Ugly. You thought and unnoticingly bit a little too hard on your lip, making it bleed.

"Y/N?" You felt a tap on your shoulder. You quickly straightened yourself and smiled.

"I was coming oppa" you said.

"Ok- Y/N, put your hood down." He asked.

"N-no oppa, its fine like this." You said, lowering your head by a little as you remembered about your bloody lip.

He sighed and did it himself, he used his finger to raise your head and make you look at him. Your eyes held no emotion. Not for him, not for anybody. He saw your lip that had blood on the side. He touched it gently and looked at your eyes, noticing you weren't looking at him.

"Look at me" he said. You sighed and looked at him, biting your lip again without realizing it would worsen the cut. It didn't hurt you a bit though. This was nothing. "Don't chew on your lip, see you've got a cut."

"I don't even feel it. It's fine. Let's go" you said, turning and pulling him with you. He sighed and followed without saying anything.

....

Jimin POV---

We sat in the car, on our way home. Jin texted, telling us to get home before 6 because there's a storm predicated after 7. I saw Y/N, staring out of the window. I noticed she was distressed for some reason. I don't know what, but there's definitely something.

"Y/N?" Kookie said. She didn't respond.

"Y/N-ah" he called again, still no response. I frowned and so did Yoongi hyung. He glanced back at her through the mirror, then looked at me.

"Y/N!?" He called a little louder this time, making her jump a little as she snapped out of her trail of thoughts.

"Huh?" Her expression at first was somewhat angry. Like she glared as a reflex. She's not like that. But changed it quickly into a softer one.

"Did you say something? I didn't listen I'm sorry." She said, smiling a little. Jungkook shook his head. He was worried, by the looks.

"I was saying how about a sleepover?" He spoke.

"What for?" She asked, with a 'is-that-really -necessary' type of look.

"Umm, like we used to have earlier... Me, Tae, you and Jimin hyung..? You don't like it?"

She quickly shook her head as if just realised what she had said, "No no, I didn't mean that. You- Okay I'm in. Let's have a young-people-slumber-party." She said.

"Yeah right! Young people!!" Taehyung laughed.

"It should be called one child and three adults slumber party!" Jungkook snickered.

"Then it should be two children and two adults slumber party" Taehyung corrected.

"Nah, it's three children and one adult slumber party." I said, making Jungkook and Taehyung pout. I'm right, three children..

"Just call it a children slumber party" Yoongi hyung grumbled, as he pulled the car into the driveway.

......

Y/N POV---

"Why did I say yes!? I was supposed to say no!!!" I groaned and plopped on my bed.

I sighed and closed my eyes, remembering what Emily and Minji had said. I really don't care about them, talking shit about me. But when they mention my brothers it hits different, I feel like ripping their heads off.
I opened my eyes and got up to change. I wore a shorts, and a full sleeved shirt. I'll change the shorts before going to Jungkook's room. I'm putting them on just to see if my skin is healing or not.

I sat and stared at my thighs, the cuts are healing. They never hurted though. I pull up my shirt a bit, and stand in front of the mirror. This one's still fresh. The mirror showed all the dark red cuts I gave to myself. On my thighs, where the cuts have formed brownish scraps indicating that they're healing. And near my waist, where the cuts still look fresh. It was yesterday, that's why.

The mirrors are so bad. Its not that bad how it makes it look. But what if it is? What if I'm really fat? What if I'm really ugly? What if I'm the only one who's ignoring it? What if I'm really using everyone for my needs? Am I really that bad? N-no..

Tears don't come now. I've had enough of cries. So now, I'm out of tears. I don't cry, I don't feel. Thanks to everyone around me. No, not my brothers, they're the sweetest people alive. But still, I'm using them..

"How selfish can you be!?" I shouted at the mirror, but realized it was myself who I'm yelling at. And this pathetic girl won't respond.

"Disgusting" I gritted out, still glaring at the reflection, and the reflection glaring back at me.

How can she be so pathetic!? How can she only think about herself!? She's making me like that too! She hates my brothers, she hates everybody who I'm close to! Bitch!

"I hate you. I h-hate you so much"

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Hehe I promised to someone that I'll update here today, since its my birthday!!!

Yess!!!! Finally!!!!

But it just slipped out of my mind as I was too busy eating the cake 😅

I uploaded as soon as I remembered. Hope you like it. (I didn't edit it though, I didn't get that much time... Sorry)
 
Love you all!!! 💜💜💜💜