LAST CHAPTER

Please put the doctor on the phone cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

~~

I held Frank's hand as I sniffled. I was really missing him today, missing the him when he was alive.

"I don't wanna go to work," I pouted.

"Just for a little and then we can cuddle again," Frank said.

I sighed but went downstairs and got into the car with Mikey. It's been two months since the baby left and he was still upset but doing a lot better now. I was so glad, he was playing with me and taking care of me again. School was done too so that was nice.

"Have fun, Gee, I'll pick you up in a little bit," Mikey said.

I nodded and went inside. I smiled when I found Jamia.

"Hey, Gee, how are you doing?" She asked.

"Mikey isn't very sad anymore, he's only a little sad," I said.

"Well, that's good," she replied. "Can you go sort out the CDs and vinyls in the back room?" She asked.

I nodded and went to the back. Jamia always opened the boxes for me because I wasn't big enough to use a box cutter.

"Look, I'm even able to see you while you're working alone back here," Frank said.

I smiled as he sat down next to me. The people who sends us these music stuff puts both the CDs and the vinyls in the same box so Bob usually has me sort them into two different piles.

"When we get home can we cuddle?" I asked.

"Of course," he said. "We can do anything you want."

He handed me Dee from the inner pocket of his jacket and I smiled. I held her in one hand while I worked with the other. I sorted them into two piles, listening to Frank talk.

"Why don't you have a dad?" I asked.

"Him and my mom got divorced when I was younger, I don't see him so often," he said.

"What's a divorce?" I asked.

"It's when two people that used to be married aren't married anymore," he said.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because they just don't love each other anymore," he stated.

My eyes widened as I looked up at him.

"Are you not gonna love me anymore?" I asked.

"Of course not," he denied. "I love you so much, more than anything else in the world."

"I love you too, daddy," I said. "I love you even more than Mama."

"Really?" He asked and I nodded. "Thank you, baby boy."

I smiled, giving him a soft kiss.

"I love you," I said softly. "And I love you too, Dee."

I gave her a kiss and held her out to Frank, who also gave her a kiss.

"Perfect!" I cheered. "Love you!"

Frank chuckled, kissing my temple. I finished working when Jamia walked in. She sat next to me and smiled.

"The store is empty, I can help you out for a little bit," she said.

"I haven't been to Frankie's grave in a while," I said. "Not since he became an angel. Have you ever had someone die?"

"Yeah, my little brother died when we were younger," Jamia said. "He got sick when he was seven and was in the hospital for a long time."

"Is his angel duty to care for you?" I asked.

"His what?" Jamia asked.

"His angel duty," I said. "Doesn't he come to visit you when you're sad?"

"No, Gee, he's dead," she said. "When you're dead then you stay dead."

"I know," I said. "But when you die you become an angel and if you're able to then you can get an angel duty and you can visit people you love."

She opened her mouth to say something but the bell to the door opening rang and she sighed.

"I'll be right back," Jamia said.

She left, shutting the door behind her.

"Why doesn't her brother visit her?" I asked.

"Maybe that just wasn't his angel duty," Frank said.

"Was he not given one because he was sick?" I asked.

"No, nobody is sick in heaven," Frank stated. "Everyone is happy and healthy, there's no pain."

"That's good," I said. "Can we have babies in heaven too?"

"Well, sometimes there are babies in heaven who died but their parents didn't die so people volunteer to care for them, we can too if you want," Frank said. "But you have to mature a little first, okay?"

I nodded my head. "And we can do naughty stuff too?"

"Yes, we'll be able to do naughty stuff too," he said.

"Will I have to spell orgasm?" I pouted. "Because I don't understand why I'm wrong."

"No, baby, you won't have to spell anything," he said. "And we're gonna do it right this time. It's not going to be half dressed and messy. It's going to be sweet and slow and romantic."

I giggled happily and held his hand.

"I love you," I said. "We're gonna be together forever, right?"

"Of course we are," Frank said. "Nothing could ever split us up in a million years."

"A million kajillion?" I asked.

Frank smiled and nodded, kissing my cheek.

"Good, I wanna be with you for a million kajillion years," I said.

Frank kissed my cheek and I smiled happily.

"We're gonna go to Heaven and do naughty things and have babies," I said.

"And we'll go on the Ferris wheel and I'll take you to so many cool places," Frank said. "And sometimes if we're good then they let us leave Heaven to go back to Earth but no one can see us so we could just explore the entire world before they tell us to come back. We can go to the Grand Canyon and China and the pyramids in Egypt. We can go anywhere you want."

I grinned as I nodded. Oh man, I couldn't wait, it all sounded like so much fun.

"And we'll get to kiss and hold hands and it'll be perfect," Frank said. "And no one is mean either so no one will tease you for your outfits."

He kissed my cheek and I giggled happily.

"It sounds so perfect," I said.

"It will be," Frank promised. "Just you and me together forever."

"Everything will be perfect when I die," I muttered.

"That's right," Frank agreed. "When you die you can finally be happy again."

"I wanna be happy," I said.

"Then you just have to die, baby," Frank whispered. "All you have to do is kill yourself."

He kissed my cheek and left when the door opened.

"Someone just bought so many CDs, I don't think they'll even fit in her car," Jamia said with a chuckle.

"That's silly," I said with a giggle.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed.

I smiled when I realized that Frank had forgotten to take Dee with him. I held her in my lap as I sorted the music.

"Gee, can we talk about what you were saying before?" She asked. "I can cover for your shift if you want to go talk to Doctor Williams."

"No, that's okay, I don't need to go," I said.

"But you were saying that dead people come back, Gee, that's not how it works," she stated.

"Yes it is," I insisted. "Right, Dee?"

I kissed the top of Dee's head and Jamia gave me a funny look.

"You're silly," I said.

I giggled, hugging Dee.

"I'm gonna go call your brother to come pick you up," Jamia said. "Why don't you just go relax or something?"

I frowned in confusion when she left.

"Why is she calling Mikey?" I asked.

"I don't know, Gee," Frank said.

Mikey came not long after and I frowned.

"Why don't you wait out in the car," Mikey suggested.

I left the back room but didn't leave so I could listen.

"Gee's acting really weird," Jamia said. "He just keeps saying things about angels coming back with their angel duties."

"Yeah, he's been saying some pretty weird fucking stuff lately," Mikey said. "All this shit about angels and Heaven and angel school."

"He was sort of kissing and hugging and talking to something that wasn't there," Jamia said. "He called it Dee."

"Dee was the stuffed animal that Gee used to have before he buried her with Frank," Mikey said. "Fuck, his mom is mentally ill, she sees monsters. Not in the way that Gee does, Gee thinks the monsters are just mean people. But she sees actual monsters that she thinks are going to hurt her and Gee, that's why she hid Gee in the basement."

"It can be genetic," Jamia said. "But instead of seeing monsters Gee is seeing his dead boyfriend."

"He's going to see his therapist tomorrow," Mikey said. "I just want him feeling better. I'll talk to you later."

I hurried out to the car, looking at Frank.

"I don't understand what they were saying," I said.

"It doesn't matter, baby, none of that will matter soon," he whispered, kissing my cheek.

Mikey got into the car and I looked out the window.

"Do you wanna play dolls?" Mikey asked when we got home.

"Say no," Frank said.

"No," I said.

I hurried upstairs to my bedroom and wrapped my arms around Frank.

"I love you so much, daddy," I said. "How do I die? I wanna die, daddy, I wanna be with you. I wanna be happy and you said it's gonna be perfect when I die."

I thought about my school and how they have photos of everyone who died. One of the girls took too many pills and never woke up.

I went to the bathroom and opened up the cabinet. There were all sorts of bottles and lotions and soaps, I didn't know what I needed.

"Your dad's pills right there, the orange bottle," he said.

I smiled and grabbed it, filling up one of those paper rinsing cups with water. I poured the pills out into my hand when I stopped.

"Daddy, I-I'm scared," I whimpered.

"It's okay, baby, you won't feel a thing," he promised. "And soon we'll be together traveling the world."

I nodded my head when the door opened.

"Gerard," my dad gasped.

I shrieked when he knocked the pills from my hand. I tried grabbed them off the floor but he pulled me into his lap, rocking me as I sobbed.

"What happened?" Mikey asked as he walked in. "Oh my god, Gee."

"I wanna be an angel!" I cried. "I wanna be with Frank. Frankie told me to do it, he said we would be together forever! I wanna be an angel!"

The two of them cried as they hugged me tight. I didn't wanna be here with them, I wanted to be in Heaven with Frank, I  wanted everything to be perfect.