I played the game, and I lost.

"What would you redo?" you ask. "What would you go back and change?"

I would keep myself from falling in love.

I would spare myself the heartbreak, the crying, the pain. All of it.

Every day, I look back and think, "Why?"
Why did I have to fall in love? Why did I have to throw my judgement out away, never to be seen again?

Why did I have to pick the person who would look at me and smirk? The person who would take my hand, hold it, look into my eyes, and turn away?

I played the game, and I lost it.

I gambled my heart, and I lost it.
He said he loved me.

Every single time I doubted his faithfulness, his loyalty, I told myself, He said he loved me. He loves me. He loves me.

Was I so naive to keep trusting? To keep laughing?
To keep believing?

It looks like I was.

If you ask anyone who has ever met me, they'll say that I am remarkably professional and stoic.

I cried.

As soon as I heard the news, I cried.

I cried my heart out. No, my heart was already gone. He had taken it, and he had ran with it.

The next morning, I wiped away the tears. I sewed my crushed heart back together. I put the façade on.

As soon as I saw him, the careful stitches holding my heart snapped.

Through time, I tried to put the pieces together

And I lived.

I lived, my heart not quite broken, not quite whole.

Weeks passed. Months went by.

Do you know what he did?

He came back.

He came back, smiling, not even bothering to ask for forgiveness.

My heart twitched.

I wanted to trust him. I wanted to let him in. I wanted to love him again.

No, I told myself. No. Don't do this. Give him what he deserves.

So, I pushed him away. I pushed away the lying, deceitful side of him. I pushed away the charming smile side of him.

I pushed all of him away.

I played the game, and I lost.