7/9/17

Right so
OCD hasn't been too bad lately... I have my dermatologist appointment on the 18th (I panicked over a mole ShhSH), and I can see the dentist on the 13th for my stress-induced teeth grinding.
I also got a response from an OCD buddy online, which was nice!! And last support group I made an acquaintance with OCD...

But, err...
I now have depression (and will go on meds for a year minimum), and I have to take a 5 hour test for autism :)
So I just feel kinda...
Oof.

I didn't want meds b/c I feel like a failure. Like the past 2 years of OCD treatment just poofed.
Which is stupid b/c I'm doing better there, it's just school/job/OCD stress that sent in depression...

And I wouldn't be mad if I had autism-- I'd be high functioning if I had it, I'm just worried about school.
If I do have autism, that technically has to go on school record with the nurses. Would teachers treat me differently? Would my peers catch on? I don't want to stand out for another thing...

At this point I just don't know what to do.
I'm driving and forcing new foods again, after slacking for ages. And I'll have the meds, hopefully with less school stress..
Who am I kidding, I have SATs and AP tests next year. Please end me.

I'm not serious, no worries. If those thoughts enter my head I usually just tell them to 'f off', because I'm far too petty & angry. I need to show the world that I AM worth something, and that I CAN do things. I'm gonna be the best freaking doctor out there, because people need someone who knows how hard life can suck.

Relating to that, a random lady at work I chatted with about school said I 'seem the science type', and she then added 'I have faith you can cure cancer, I know it!' after I mentioned how I want to go into the medical field.
Random lady, you have no idea how nice that was :)

So that's all there is...
'All there is', hah.

- Gracie