Dear Evan Hansen,
It's been a week since the Sleepover Incident. And things have been weird between you and Connor. And oddly, weird between you and Zoe as well. But everyone is fine, and of course you still talk, nothing's getting in the way of your friendship. But besides that, um...you've noticed some things when you're around Zoe. It's not the usual great and amazing feeling...it's just, it's not there anymore. And you wonder why, maybe you should talk to Dr. Sherman about this? Your next appointment IS today, you usually stopped going but you decided you really needed to talk again. So that's that. Hopefully everything goed well!

Sincerely your best and most dearest friend,
Me.

I once again closed my journal slowly, I laid in my bed and just sat there. Am I actually gonna tell Dr. Sherman? What would she think? What would she say? Well...I guess we'll find out soon. I stood up and walked outside. Time to find out.

. . .

I take a seat infront of Dr. Sherman, she gives me a smile.

"I haven't seen you in a while." I smiled back at her.

"Yeah, things have been going good. And it didn't seem like I needed a therapist anymore...but I was wrong." She tilted her head, I saw the look on her face. She seems confused, but I know deep down inside she really was expecting this. She's not dumb, it's like she knows me better than I do. And I am kind of grateful for that.

"Well, Evan, what made you come back?" God the questions, the questions are what kill me. Y'know, I could say,

I almost kissed one of my best friends which left me in so much confusion and panic, and I have no idea what to do with the subject. We never talk about it. And now I'm kinda losing feelings for my girlfriend which is giving me even more anxiety which is causing me to sweat more. And when I try to dry them under the drier in the bathroom they just becone sweaty and warm. No one likes warm and sweaty hands. But in all, my anxiety is through the roof and I have no idea what to do.

Or, I could just say.

"I don't know.."

Y'know, like a liar.

Dr. Sherman gave me a look and that just made me even more worried. I know Dr. Sherman's looks, she is currently doing the 'Seriously, Evan?' look. And I hate that look. But that's what she's doing so. Shit.

"Evan, there's a reason for everything. I know you don't enjoy telling me the truth, but I need to know if you really want my help." Those words stabbed me straight through the heart. And finally, I let it all out.

"I almost kissed one of my best friends which left me in so much confusion and panic, and I have no idea what to do with the subject. We never talk about it. And now I'm kinda losing feelings for my girlfriend which is giving me even more anxiety which is causing me to sweat more. And when I try to dry them under the drier in the bathroom they just becone sweaty and warm. No one likes warm and sweaty hands. But in all, my anxiety is through the roof and I have no idea what to do."

Dr. Sherman paused and looked at me. Oh god, this is it. I fucked up and that's exactly what she's gonna tell me. But turns out that's not what she ended up saying. She actually just smiled at me and grabbed my hand.

"Thank you for telling me." and let my hand go. "And now, this friend you kissed-" I cut her off.

"Almost kissed."

"Yes, almost kissed. Is there a reason you kissed them? Or was it sudden?" She questioned. I shrugged and sighed, looking away from her.

"Well um, I don't know, it's just...they um, they were a pretty important part of my life. They kind of made me the person I am today. I have no idea what my life would be like if I had never met them or if they had never talked to me all those years ago at the computer lab. I was sure the hated me and were going to ruin my life with that letter but they didn't. They just...well they did something..that, just....that hurt everyone and themself. But it all was worked out and we ended up getting really close. And it's like they're the only person that understands me. Everyone else in our group is a huge social butterfly but us two, we're the ones who don't like to really interact. Anxiety and stuff heh, y'know...it's like they're the only person I can talk to without being babied. I can tell someone my problem and they'd probably say things like 'it'll be perfectly okay'. But when I would tell that person, they'd give it to me straight. They have experience and they won't let me end up in a terrible situation. They're really special to me. They can tell me to fuck off but I know they do care. And I'm sure they show it. And it's really nice to..."

I stop myself while I'm at it. The thought of them fills my mind and I hadn't even known I've felt this way before. I look up at Dr. Sherman and just stare at her, she's smiling.

"Evan, I think we've had our first breakthrough."

Breakthrough? I didn't mean to..

"I...I never knew I even felt this way. I never knew I could."

Dr. Sherman sighed and I could tell she understood what I was trying to say.

"Evan you're confused and I get it. But feelings are confusing. And you're probably wondering what you should do. But I can't really tell you that. If you think you love Zoe than you should stay with Zoe. But if you believe you love the other person, than follow your heart-"

I quickly cut off Dr. Sherman in a sudden outburst.

"But- But- I-It's her brother! Her brother! Wh-what kind of p-person would I- I- I- I- would I be!? To j-just break u-up with a girl because I- I loved her b-brother! Sh-She'd hate me and so w-would every-everyone else! i can't d-do th-that!" My heart was racing and I couldn't stop.

"Pl-Plus! Wh-why would h-he even like someone like m-me!? Th-that's insane! Wh-what if Z-Zoe's the only person th-that's ever loved m-me! What i-if Zoe wa-was my only sh-shot!-" Dr. Sherman cut me off.

"Evan. I know it may not seem right, but if it feels right. It's right. I can't make you do anything. But let me ask you this. How much do you love Zoe?"

I paused.

I don't know, I really didn't know. What kind of boyfriend doesn't know how much he loves his girlfriend?

"I-...I don't know...I don't.."

"I think we've solved the case then. Our time is up Evan. Please, do the right thing. Don't follow the crowd. Follow your heart." She gave me a warm smile. I took a deep breath before nodding.

"Thank you, Dr. Sherman."

"Anytime, Evan. See you soon."

"Goodbye."

I stood up, waved to her, and then left.

What the hell am I gonna do?