On the first visit to the psychiatric ward

My parents came up with me

We listened to the consultation together

My parents said they don't truly understand me

I don't understand myself well either

Then who would understand?

Friends? Or you? Nobody knows me well

(The Last is by Agust D and on his first mixtape) 

(Hello, I was going to give a warning before the chapter begins, there is talk of mental health and times of depression and other problems that may be triggering for some, The youtube video is the Music Box Version of Film out and is what I listen to while writing this chapter, the sweetness sound and innocent sound I hope helps with the vibes of this chapter) 

Lyn's POV:

It had been a week since ARMY found out about me and Yoongi. A week since the world all got to see Mini. It was currently 2 am as I stood in her nursery, I just got her back to sleep after eating. I watched her sleeping so peacefully. It has been almost 10 months since I had her. I did have the baby blues but they are supposed to be gone, still, I feel as though I am not supposed to be here. I ruined everyone's lives around me. I created issues, Yoongi is just pretending they are not there. I know he has to see how I have ruined everything for him by getting pregnant. It is all my fault. A tear slowly started to fall down my cheek, I looked out the window at the night sky. This room is towards the top. The window I could probably easily get out of and-. I can't do that, Mini still needs me, though Yoongi could find a Nanny and just replace me.

"Lyn why are you still up, she is asleep come back to bed" I heard a groggy deep voice say and I turned to see, Yoongi. He had me dye his hair blonde and I am still getting used to seeing his handsome self. Why does he care so much about me, He has billions of girls throwing themselves at him.

"I was just watching her sleep, I'll be right there," I tell him, wiping my face before turning to face him. He nods and walks over grabbing my hand.

"I want snuggles though now, I'm missing you in there," He tells me pouting, I look down at his hand holding mine. I nodded and allowed him to pull me back to the bedroom.

We laid down back in bed and he pulled me close to him holding on to me. I scratched his head as he started to doze off to sleep. I looked at the ceiling and was not able to sleep. Why can't I just be happy, I have a boyfriend who for some reason loves me, I have a beautiful and healthy baby girl. I have 6 amazing friends, An incredible nice home. I am so undeserving of all of this, This has all come at the cost of Yoongi never having his life back as it was. He could have a traditional Korean girlfriend, but now he is stuck with me, an American that will never be able to understand traditions that are to be kept. I make mistakes all the time though I have been here a few years now.

I looked over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand since I couldn't sleep. I opened Twitter. I saw that some people had figured out my Username and was tagged in some nice things such as;

"It is so good to see Suga so happy, he makes fatherhood look good!"

"Look at baby min, she is so adorable and has Suga's chubby cheeks"

but...there were more negatives.

"How does Suga even know if that baby is actually his"

"Lakyn isn't much of anything special"

"Did you see her thighs, they were so wide"

"She didn't even try to lose the baby weight"

"She is just a try-hard"

"I bet she cheated on him, just to get money"

"I saw her looking at Jimin bet the baby is his and not Yoongi's and she sleeps around with all the guys"

"She is just a S*ut"

My eyes felt like they were about to flood with tears. I turned off my phone and set it down on the nightstand. Soon enough just laying there I saw the sun was starting to rise. Yoongi would be waking up soon to get ready to go to the studio. He had some filming to do as well as a photo shoot. Mini woke up before Yoongi and I got up slowly, pulling myself away from him and going to see what the matter was.

I got her to freshen up and dressed for the day. While I was getting her cleaned up I heard Yoongi take a shower and get ready for his day. I went out into the living room, laid Mini in her swing, and started to get Yoongi's coffee ready for him to take with him to the studio. Yoongi walked out looking handsome as ever and I gave him a smile.

"Good morning my love, and good morning my little princess," he says, bending down and placing a kiss on Mini's head. He then walked over to me and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning handsome," I say and hand him his coffee which he took and sipped. I stand on my tiptoes to help him with his hair fixing a few strands.

"thank you my love, but I think I need to get going, are you and Mini coming by the studio later?" He asked me and I looked at him.

"Yeah, I will try to come by," I tell him, smiling softly.

He gives me a sweet and gentle kiss before leaving for the studio. I watched him leave and sigh. I looked over at Mini who was cooing at every light near her swing. She was such a sweet and perfect baby. The simplest of things makes her happy. Why can't I just find happiness anymore? I used to always think that I would love motherhood, but why am I not. She isn't even a terrible baby, she is the most perfect baby. She doesn't cry and whine all the time, she is peaceful and sleeps.

After contemplating life at the moment I took Mini to mine and Yoongi's room and laid her in a little bassinet that was made for traveling and let her sleep while I took a shower. I didn't know what time it was or anything like that. I stood in the shower letting the warm water hit me. I saw my razor for shaving next to me, the blades were easy to pop out. But, after a while everything went dark, I don't remember what was happening.

Hobi POV:

I was finishing up my shoot and I saw Yoongi looking a bit concerned and worried. I walked over to him. I grabbed his arm to get him to look at me.

"Hey man what's up?"

"I've texted and called Lyn and she hasn't answered, it's not like her and she said she was coming around lunch, I just don't have a good feeling. I can't leave because I have my shoot to do..." He says very worriedly.

"I can go check on her, I just finished and I will let you know if it is anything serious," I tell him "I mean what are best friends for?"

"Thanks, man," he says, giving me a small smile then he gets taken away for his shoot.

I walked out of the studio and headed to their place. I parked and headed inside. As soon as I got in I heard Mini crying loudly and water running. I sigh and knock on the bedroom door just in case she was in there but I heard no response. I sigh again then open the door, I walked over and picked up Mini and tried to soothe her. I then looked in the bathroom.

"Oh...God" I muttered and laid Mini back down and rushed in there and turned off the water. I pulled Lyn out of the shower and patted her face trying to get her to wake up.

"Come on Lyn....Lyn...please Lyn" I kept saying. She was out cold and I looked and saw that she had cut her thighs. She was bruised from the fall. She looks at though she could have hit her head when she fell. I grabbed my phone and called for help, before calling Yoongi.

I grabbed the blade and set it on the counter and grabbed a towel and laid it on her to cover her up. I went and grabbed Mini moving her to her nursery so she didn't have to be mixed in all the excitement. I don't think Yoongi knew any of this about Lyn. I hate that I have to be the one to tell him.

The ambulance got here before Yoongi and I waited in the living room till he got here.

Yoongi's POV

After a few minutes of Hobi being gone he called me that there was an emergency and had to get back home. I rushed as fast as I could home. I hope nothing is wrong with Mini or Lyn. I saw an ambulance parked outside and barely got the car turned off before jumping out and in. As soon as I got in, Hobi stopped me.

"Yoongi they are taking care of her, you can't go in there," Hobi tells me

"To hell, I will wait let me in,"

"Yoongi there is something that has happened, I don't think you want to find out the way I did," he says.

"what happened?"

"Lyn apparently passed out. It looks as though she had been harming herself potentially, She also hit her head when she fell" He says slowly.

What? She cut herself? But she never indicated that anything was wrong. Did I just miss the signs? How could I have not known or even realized anything?

"There is more...she seemed to have been starving herself so she has been weak, they are going to be taking her to the hospital" He adds looking at me. "I'll let everyone else know that she is in the hospital but keep it private, it's not my place to share."

"Thank you, you're a good friend," I said and hugged him, I hugged him a bit longer as I felt horrible how could I let this happen to my love. He just hugged me for as long as I needed. After that, he went back and left for the studio. The ambulance workers then pulled her out to the truck. What am I supposed to do? I have Mini but I can't leave her. The guys are working. I guess I am going to have to take her.

I packed a bag and looked for the formula to make a couple of bottles. I grabbed the formula and a water bottle to bring in case I needed it. I grabbed a hoodie and put it on to help hide at the hospital. I put Mini in a car seat and then carried her to the car and drove to the hospital. Why didn't I see the signs before, I now could see them, she barely slept, I never see her eat much. She stopped breastfeeding Mini and went to formula. She didn't joke around and flirt as much. She had a shadow in her eyes.

I parked in the parking deck and grabbed the bag and Mini's car seat and walked in and asked where Lakyn would be. I got told to go to the 8th floor, where I asked them what room she was in. They told me to wait in the family waiting area as they were still getting her settled and everything. I sigh and sit down with the car seat facing me. Mini was sleeping, she didn't know what was all happening. She was just at peace in her own little world. One of innocents and naiveness. A nurse then told me that she was ready for visitors.

I walked into the room. Lyn looked so peaceful sleeping. I sat in the car seats on a chair and walked over to my beautiful angel who was hiding so much pain from me. I grabbed the blanket on her and pulled it back to see the bandages on her thighs at where she had cut herself. I set them back down and looked at all the different things they had hooked up to her arm. Saline, Nutrients, and Blood that she had lost. I held her hand.

"Why didn't you tell me, my love?" I asked her.