A part of me seriously wants to die, but I'm scared of the pain

Last night I was laying in bed, and my mind wouldn't stop thinking about different ways to kill myself. 

I somewhat considered getting up and going to my dad and telling him that I should be taken to the psych ward. However, the fear of not knowing what it's like there kept me from doing that. 

So now I've gotta fucking pretend that I'm doing okay to that my parents don't suspect anything, and I've got to try and keep up with homework

If I could snap my fingers and die painlessly right then and there, I would