I don't even know how to start this. Like, it's basically a continuation of the last one, just a bunch more emotions and stuff. So yeah.

Like, when I saw the cast list and saw that I was Snow White, I was so disappointed, especially because there were sophomores and freshmen that got better parts than me. (I'm a sophomore.) And I understand that it's probably because they've been in more theater productions than me, but it's not my fault that my schedule didn't line up with those productions!!!!! 

But, like, I had to shove my disappointment and tears into the deepest part of my heart and be happy for everyone else that got parts. And I am happy for them because they all have talent. 

But I want to do more than run on stage for less than a minute to prove that a guy can dump his current wife to marry whoever the hell he wants just because he's a fucking prince. Is that really so wrong?

Is it wrong that I want to actually have lines, and be able to sing, and be able to feel like an important part of the cast??????

When I told my mom that I was Snow White and was on stage for less than a minute, she mentioned that it's easier for me 'cause I don't have to memorize lines or music or blocking. But I want to have to do that stuff. I want to be singing show songs during all my free time. I want to stumble through learning where I'm supposed to be throughout each song. 

The director emailed the schedule for the first two weeks of practice, and I only have to be at one of them: the very first one that everyone has to attend.

After that, I'm probably not going to be scheduled for another month because I'm on stage once so I don't have to do anything.

I feel like such a bitch for being upset about this.

Oh, another thing I just realized. There's probably gonna be a cast party, and pretty much the rest of the cast will be laughing about whatever inside jokes were made at all the practices they were at while I'm sitting in the corner since I don't understand any of them because I was only at, like, 3 practices not counting dress rehearsals. 

So yeah, that's what's been on my mind for the past, like, 3 days, and I was crying literally the whole time I wrote this.