So it's been a little over a month since my ex broke up with me, and, for the most part, I've been fine. At school, I'm either stressing about my classes or having a blast with my friends, so there's no room in my mind for him. At home, I'm either doing homework or on here reading or writing and I don't think of him.

The times it gets tough are when people either ask me something about him or just bring him up in a conversation. 

At lunch today, we were talking about something, and someone mentioned him, and them mentioning him wasn't too bad, but what they said about him made me feel like I was gonna throw up.

And then the band was at a hockey game for pep band, and, much to my relief, he wasn't there. But I had at least two people ask me where he was, and I had to tell them that I don't know. 

And I don't!

But they asked me because they know we were together, and I think that they still think we're together, even though we aren't. 

I want to tell them that we broke up, but a) I don't know how to say it in a way that won't make them feel bad or dampen the mood and b) I don't think I'm ready to talk about that because I'm pretty sure at least one of them would ask questions about stuff I haven't fully healed from.

But, at the same time, I don't think I'll be able to heal if they keep asking me about him, because that just reminds me of what happened, and it's like ripping the stitches out of a deep cut that's still bleeding. 

I almost told one of the people that asked, "I don't know where he is!! I haven't talked to him in months!!"

I was so close to saying that. I could just feel the need to say it building up inside me, but I didn't because I knew that I wasn't ready to talk about that, and especially not in the setting we were in. That's the type of conversation where I'd rather have a one-on-one in an empty room so that I don't feel bad if I cry.

Speaking of crying, that's exactly what I feel like doing right now from the stress from school and now this, which has been going on since the breakup.