I have so much to vent about right now. Where do I even start?

I guess I'll start with the fact that I cut last night as I was getting ready for bed. I was in the bathroom and I made 6 cuts in a row on my upper right thigh. 

And then today it hurt to walk a little bit, but I didn't mind. 

In one of the classes I'm taking, honors chemistry, we have to memorize the names and formulas of a bunch of ions. We had one test Thursday and one every day this week. I finally got around to making flashcards this morning during my free period, and those helped me with this quiz, which was naming the ions based on their formulas. 

Tomorrow's quiz is gonna be saying the formula based on the name. I'm really worried about that because we have to memorize how many of what atoms are in each formula, plus the charge. 

Oh, speaking of honors chemistry, I almost cried during that class today. We had a lab report due, and I completely forgot about it because I was stressed out about all the other homework I had this weekend. I had all the questions on the document I had, but I still needed to answer them. 

In that class, turning an assignment in late guarantees you half credit at the max. I have a B+ in the class, and I can't afford to lose any points. And it's not necessarily because I'm scared of what my parents will do. I mean, they do have pretty high expectations, but my own expectations are even higher, and I absolutely hate having anything below an A-.

I was able to answer the questions while the teacher was going over something, and then, after the quiz, I "went to the bathroom," but actually went to the library to print the lab report. I was able to get it turned in without the teacher noticing, and I was so relieved. 

When I got home from school, I took a shower, and the cuts from last night, all 6 on my leg and the 3 on my arm, reopened and started to bleed again. I didn't even feel anything, and I only noticed it because I saw blood dripping down my leg. 

A few of the ones on my leg opened again a few hours later, and one opened yet again just a few minutes ago. 

I also had a band concert tonight. 

One of the pieces the band played is called "Heaven's Light" and was written in memory of someone that passed away years ago. It's such a pretty piece, and I got pretty close to tearing up while we were playing it.

At the very end, the choir sang a song called "Benediction" which is sung after every concert. I was singing along, but the whole time I was thinking about the last time that was sung.

It was the spring concert last year. I was just absolutely bawling because both the band director and choir director would be leaving once the school year ended, and I had grown very close to both of them, the band director especially since I'm in band. 

The band director left to go to Colorado to get a master's degree in teaching, and all I could think of when the choir was singing "Benediction" tonight was him, and I started tearing up. I couldn't sing the last bit of the song because I was so close to crying, and I didn't want to cry on stage. 

Once the concert was over, I was putting my instrument away, and I told one of my friends that I was thinking about our old director during "Benediction," and that's when I started to cry. 

I was also able to see one of my college-aged friends because she was on winter break. We hugged for a long time when she saw that I was crying, and the hug only made me cry more. 

The reason for that was because I've been needing a hug from someone I trust for so long, and that was the first chance I've had to be able to get a hug in an environment where I felt comfortable crying. 

I also just spent 5 minutes crying from bottling up my stress and emotions for too long.