I want to cut again. 

All my cuts have scabbed over and are healing, and I can't feel them, and it's bothering me because I've gotten used to them hurting when they rub against my sleeve or bend my arm a certain way. 

One of my best friends asked me to promise her that I wouldn't do anything, but I told her, "I'm not going to make a promise that I might not be able to keep." 

I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep the promise. Yesterday, for example, I cut in the shower. 3 cuts. And they stung so much when the water got in them, and it made me content. 

I wonder what she would think if she could see into my brain and hear just how much I wanted to cut. 

I mean, she knows that I cut and I can see that just hearing that I have hurts her, and I don't want to hurt her. 

I don't know what to do. 

I'm going bowling with some friends in a few minutes, and I don't want the cuts to still be bleeding when I leave. 

That means I'll have to either wait until I get back, not cut deep, or put a band-aid over them. 

I don't want to wait. I need to do it now, but I don't want to not cut deep. 

Welp, guess I'll just have to use a band-aid.