So, y'all might not know this, but I'm doing the 500 Word Weekend-Write-In. It's basically where we're given a single word as a prompt and we have to write a 500-word short story/poem/whatever. 

This past weekend's prompt was "stolen." I wrote a 500-ish word poem about a young lady who was thinking back on her relationship that had just ended. 

The last lines are "You stole my heart/ And I let you keep it/ As I tried to steal yours too/ You made me think/ That maybe I did/ But now I'm not so sure/ Because if I had/ You wouldn't have broken/ That heart of mine you stole"

To be quite honest, the girl in that poem represents me. And the events of that poem are a good summary of what happened in that relationship. 

We met spring of 2017 because of band. They were two grades older than me, and we play the same instrument (flute). We didn't really talk all that much until late August. Then I guess we just started talking more. 

We'd have practices and football games that the band had to be at that were late and it was absolutely freezing. My hands would be insanely cold, and they'd try to warm my hands up, and we ended up holding hands a lot. (We were still friends then)

On Halloween of 2017, I asked one of their good friends if they liked me because I had some suspicions, and they said yes. I didn't even realize that I liked them until Nov., 7th. 

They asked me out on Nov, 29th. I said yes, and we became a couple. 

It was such an amazing time in my life. That was my first relationship, and it was going perfectly. At least, it was, until stuff started to happen at the beginning of October of this year. 

They started to, like, avoid me kinda?? Like, they'd be talking to their friends, and I'd walk up (because we're friends with a lot of the same people), and they wouldn't even acknowledge me.

On Oct, 16 I texted them asking if I annoyed them, and they said that they did find it a little annoying when I would walk in on conversations. 

Let me tell you, that hurt. A lot. For a few years, I've been insecure that I'm always annoying people, and their response was basically my insecurity bundled up into a sentence and shot straight through my heart. 

I didn't respond besides saying, "ok". I cried a little bit and then texted some other friends. Their advice was to maybe take a break from the relationship. 

The next day at school I avoided them as much as possible because I was scared that I'd, like, burst into tears as soon as I saw them. (I didn't, thank goodness)

That night I texted them and told them that what they said hurt, and they responded saying that we should talk about this in person.

The next day the band had to play at a football game. We talked after the game, and they said that I had asked the question, and they said the truth, and it put them off that they got yelled at. They suggested taking a break, parting as friends, letting that blow over, and see where we ended up. I agreed cause what else are you to do when that happens. 

We walked away from each other, and it took everything in me to not break down crying then and there. I got into my dad's car and he started to drive me home. "Consequences" by Camilla Cabello was playing, and I started to cry, but I didn't let my dad see, cause then he'd ask questions and I didn't want to talk about it.

The break lasted until the 27th. The band had a lock-in the night of the 26th, and we were both there because we were in the band. We didnt even really talk about what happened to cause the break. We just agreed that it was over. 

That was probably what screwed us over.

We went back to how things were before the break, except they weren't responding to any of my texts. Last week it got to the point where I texted them asking if we were still in a relationship and, if we weren't, to just say the word and I'd stop bothering them.

On Friday, (Nov. 16th) they texted me in the middle of the school day saying, "I think it's time we go our separate ways."

I didn't even cry. I was just numb, I guess. I was shaking a little and just felt weak in general. I didn't cry then, and I have yet to cry about it. 

I guess you could say that I've done a pretty ok job at keeping them off my mind since then, although it was really hard.

I was on a retreat yesterday, and they were there to help. It was hard to not glance over at them whenever I could, and I did a few times. 

It's weird, what I'm feeling, because my heart didn't break when they broke up with me. No, it broke when they said I was annoying. Even with them breaking my heart, I can't help but still love them. They were my first love, and I don't know if I'll ever truly get over them. We were together for almost a year. It's hard to just turn it off after that long. 

I don't even know why I'm writing all this down. I guess it just helps me process what's going on a little bit. 

*Sigh. School's gonna be rough tomorrow, because band's my first class, and we're two seats away from each other. It doesn't help that I know the basic outline of their schedule, so I know about when they have each class. 

As for now, I gotta go to bed so I might get enough sleep.