me:
hey
this is the number on the 'looking for a roommate' flyer, right?

[number redacted]:
Hey!
Yes, you got the right number.

me:
ok cool
i'm connor murphy, i'm looking for a a place,,,, obviously

[number redacted]:
Wait, Connor Murphy?

me:
????
yeah,,,

[number redacted]:
As in, threw a printer at Mrs. G Connor Murphy?
As in, would freak out about literally anything Connor Murphy?

me:
no
who're you?

[number redacted]:
Oh oops sorry, this guy I went to high school with was also called Connor Murphy. What a coincidence!
I'm Alana Beck.

me:
fuck
alana
of course it's you

alana:
Excuse me?

me:
lying is really easy
yes it's connor murphy, as in suicide attempt, connor murphy
i know what you were thinking

alana:
Oh.
How's Zoe?

me:
she's ok, i guess

alana:
I heard she's a singer-songwriter now.

me:
yeah
so did i
repeatedly

alana:
Can I ask a question?

me:
you just did

alana:
Do you still do drugs?

me:
do you seriously think i'm the type of person to not do drugs?

alana:
Is that a yes?

me:
yes

alana:
What's your job?

me:
what, d'you think i'm a drug dealer or something?
i do youtube

alana:
But what do you do for a living?

me:
youtube

alana:
Ok then.

me:
so,,,, about the appartement?

alana:
Right.
So it's at [address redacted], two bedrooms, one living room, one kitchen, one bathroom.

me:
cool
and the roommate part of it?

if it's you that's a dealbreaker

alana:
It's someone we went to high school with.

me:
is it jared klienman?
please don't let it be jared kleinman

alana:
It's not Jared Klienman.

me:
who else went to our high school?
there was the dude with the broken arm from the computer lab,,,,, evan hansen?
yeah
is it someone from our year?

alana:
You'll just have to wait and see.

me:
alana this is not how these things work
tell me who it is

alana:
Trust me.

me:
no thanks

alana:
Are you free this weekend?

me:
what?

alana:
To see the house, idiot.

me:
oh.
well i can't on saturday, i'm doing a livestream

alana:
Oh.
I see.

me:
do you have any clue what that is?

alana:
Of course!

me:
sure, sure

alana:
How about Sunday at 2pm?

me:
sure
whatever

alana:
See you Sunday!

me:
you don't even live in the house
read 8:26am

---

"Hey, Evan!" Alana said when I pick up.

"What's up?" I asked, eyes still on the little line on my laptop mocking my inability to write.

"Found you a roommate!"

"Did you now?"

"We went to high school together."

"I know that."

"No, us two went to the same high school as this person."

"Oh. Who uh... is it?" I thought for a moment. "Please don't--don't let it be Jared."

"It's not Jared."

"Uh... give me a-a clue."

"It's a guy who was in our year. And it's not Jared"

"Connor's pro-probably dead by now." Poor guy.

"Evan!" Oh that sounded rude I wasn't being rude I wasn't trying to be rude.

"No but seriously, who--who is it?"

"Connor Murphy."

"Alana." She's got to be kidding.

"I'm not kidding."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"N-no. No way am I... I'm not living with Connor. He hated... he hated me."

"He's gotten better, I've been talking to him."

"You can never be sure."

"Evan, please. If he's horrible then I'll remove him from the options but think about it: it's someone you know. It's not a stranger."

"............fine." I grumble.

"You're free on Sunday." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

"He's coming over at 2pm."

"Lovely."

She hung up and I stared at my blank screen. It's the eighth time I rewrite this chapter, it's just not sounding right. I hate writer's block. I check the clock and if I don't hurry to the bus I'm going to be late. I rush to the door, pull on my shoes, grab my coat and race to the bus stop. Thank god it's downhill or there's no way I'd ever make it.

---

i frown at the drawing tablet, tapping the pen on it as no ideas come to mind. i've gotta film a video if i want to stick to the schedule and if i don't stick to the schedule i fall completely off and struggle to get back on track. i need an idea. what can i draaaaaaaaaaaw??????? ughhhhhhhh. what would anyone want to see?

i scrolled through my youtube home, trying to find an idea. i could redraw something of mine. should i do an old video or an old post or just something ancient that hasn't seen the light of day since i'd go to the orchard with my dad. yeah no too many feelings tied to those. i'll do an old video. my first one, maybe? oh my god my old account. is it dead? i don't think so. holy fuck i'm doing my first video from my old account. this is brilliant. i am brilliant.

---

And it's heading-home time. The neverending hours of anxiety are almost over.

"Evan!" I spun around when I heard my name.

"Y-yes?"

"You forgot your phone." It was my colleague Eliza, she's pretty nice. "Felt like I should tell you."

"Oh... oh thank you." I took it from her and saw three missed calls from Alana. How I managed to forget my phone I have no idea.

Eliza walked away and I called Alana back. It rung for only a few seconds before she picked up.

"Evan. Finally."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Just checking in."

"....thanks?"

"Also, I felt like you should know some stuff about Connor."

"There... there we go."

"So he still does drugs," Do I want Connor Murphy, high, in my house? Not at all. I don't even want the thought in my head.

"You—you realize how I might be uh... opposed to that, right?"

"Yes."

"Great. What else you got for me?"

"He does youtube for a living, he's on antidepressants, he's moving from his sister's because they're both sick of each other... he's gay. Did you know that?"

"That I know. Didn't everyone know? Go—go back to the... uh... the youtube thing."

"Course. He refused to give me his channel name which is infuriating but he says he does gaming, art and... vlogs."

"Do you know what those a...are?"

"Of course!"

"Do... do you think you can—you can get the ch-channel name from him if you uh... if you say it's for me?"

"I can try."

"Thanks."

"It's Thursday."

"Do you think... do you think I don't know th-that?"

"Four days left." And then she hangs up. Alana is great at helping my anxiety.