Some jokes to cheer some people up

Joke #1
I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud so I timed my gas with the beat of the music
After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed everyone was staring at me...

Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod

Joke #2
A man had a party where all the rich people attended
And he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who swims across the pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes.
But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden there was a big splash and a man was swimming super fast and came out alive
So the host asked. "What are your three wishes?"
The man replied. "Give me a shotgun and bullets and show me the idiot who pushed me in."