I'm so tired of everything, i don't want to do anything. I just want to lie in bed for weeks and do nothing. I haven't felt happy in years, obviously I've been kind of happy but like never truly happy, i want to look forward to seeing friends and stuff but instead i dread going to school and i don't even know why.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm tired of constantly being compared to my older sister, the GCSEs she picked compared to what i picked, how she's so pretty, how smart she is. I know my mum doesn't mean to upset me and doesn't realise that she is upsetting me so i'm not mad at her for it. If I did get upset in front of her she would probably get upset too and i don't want that.

she gets upset a lot and so does my sister so i try to never be upset in front of anyone so they don't need to worry more than they already do but i don't know how much i can take anymore. it's gotten to the point where me never crying in front of anyone feeks like a responsibility, like i'm taking care of my mum instead of her taking care of me, but i don't want that- i'm just a kid, it's not fair.

i'm so stressed about school but i don't know why, i'm not being bullied, i have friends and i get good scores, so i don't understand why i'm so scared about going. i have headaches every few days and i don't know if that is from stress or from me forgetting to drink water or both or a completely different reason.

i want to argue with the people who made me like this but I made me like this, and even if there was someone i could blame i wouldn't be able to have an argument because i can't handle them anymore, they make me have panic attacks because i'm scared someone is going to get hurt. it doesn't even have to be me arguing it could be anyone.

i don't know what's wrong with me, i'm so tired of being tired, i just want to be happy again.