guess what-its me ya boi. coming back at you with a rant nobody asked me for because i'm too scared to actually talk to my friend about the problem.

...so i just broke down over a pair of shoes, really dumb but y'know.

they are these gay converse that have a lightning bolt on them and rainbow soles and are really nice and i have wanted them for ages, but they are £60 so i can't afford them. and i was going to ask for them for my birthday. i only really ever get a pair of school shoes and one pair of other shoes to wear until they break and then replace them and usually they are from my sister or cousin so i was really scared of asking for them from my mum, plus i'm not out to her so its a really big deal to me.

so its my birthday on like two months and i have been planning asking for them for ages but then my friend just... bought them and another pair of shoes for herself. and i don't know why but it just hurt. she was able to get them and have extra money. she got them so easily, i'm just jealous honestly.

it was such a big deal to me to ask mum for a pair of shoes for my birthday and she just bought them like it was nothing and i know it's just a pair of shoes and it doesn't matter but i just broke down.

she gets everything so easily and it's just like - i want that, i want to be able to buy new clothes and shoes and other stuff but instead i just get hand me downs that are way too big for me. i know i'm jealous and selfish and should be thinking of all things i do have but it just hurts to know how much better she is compared to me, i just wish i could be like her.

it's stupid and petty but i'm too scared to talk to her about it because if i talk to her she might leave and i don't want to lose my friends.

i'm sorry for writing this, i know no-one actually wants this but i needed to talk to someone about it- even if no-one actually reads this.