It's chilly enough outside that I can see my breath when I step out to find Gideon. He's bent over the railing lazily smoking when he glances over his shoulder to see who's joined him on the porch.

"Wallace. Hey," he says before blowing smoke out of his mouth away from my general direction. "Needed a breath of fresh air?"

I pull my coat closer around me and join him at the railing, leaning my backside against it so I'm looking at the dim windows of the front room. "Kind of?"

He quirks an eyebrow.

"Ah, you just want to spend time with me? I get it – I do have that effect on people."

He can barely hold back the laugh that burst from his lips after he speaks, and he shoves his cigarette between his lips to puff on it for a second.

"Seriously though, are you good?"

"Yeah! Yeah – I just...the girls suggested I talk to you about something. Though now that I'm here I feel like I like it might be weirder than I thought. Considering we've only hung out twice."

He brushes me off lightly. "I have an uncanny ability to have people open up to me immediately. I think the day I met Will he told me about his Lego trauma."

"Lego trauma?"

"There was some swallowing involved. And he was old enough to know better."

I can't stop the laughter that bubbles from my mouth.

"So," he starts, twisting his head to the side to blow out smoke, "what can Gideon help you with today?"

I can't meet his eyes and pull the sleeves of my dark coat over my hands, fidgeting in place. I'm sure he can tell I'm uncomfortable but thankfully he doesn't press or look annoyed with me. Instead, he peacefully smokes his cigarette and waits for me to broach the subject.

"Well, this is going to sound super weird and I'm pretty much just asking if you have any advice on this..." I finally say after a hot moment of silence. "My dating life is shit so I've never had the opportunity to uh – well – lose my virginity and I want to, and I have no idea how to go about any of it."

Dinner is very close to coming right back up with every word I speak.

This is starting to feel like a very very bad idea.

"Oh." He looks genuinely surprised.

"Sorry, it's awkward and embarrassing, I know," I say as I hide my face behind the rim of my wine glass.

"Being a virgin?" Gideon asks gently. "Not really."

"I'm turning thirty in less than a year," I point out. "And I'm sitting here talking to you about it because—" I cut myself off.

The wine probably had something to do with why I agreed to this stupid idea. Why would anything be any different with Gideon?

"Because?" he almost sings.

I'm almost overwhelmed while looking at him – all bundled up in his long black coat, cigarette hanging from his lips and his chocolate brown hair dotted with snow.

"Zelda said you're good with people..." I say lamely.

"Did she?" he almost laughs. "Those are the words she used?"

"She did!" I squeak. "I mean, she also said that you're pretty open...it might not be awkward if I ask you about some stuff."

He inhales a few times, green eyes scanning over my face for a moment, before he exhales and speaks. "She's right at least. I'm willing to talk about most things. Though, I do have a question."

I sip from my wine glass with my brows raised hoping the action hides the nervous tremors coursing through me at this moment.

"Why don't you want to talk about it with the girls? Wouldn't that be more helpful? Or comfortable?"

I press my lips together and glance at the door even though I know no one is standing there listening to us.

"I need someone who will be objective, you know? Harper's advice is to get out of the house and meet people, but that doesn't fix the fact that I'm fucking terrified of making a fool of myself. I'm nearly thirty and I have no idea what to do. And she doesn't really know what to say since she's never had my problem."

He flicks the butt of his cigarette off into the pile of snow that's accumulating on the sidewalk.

"So basically, you're asking someone to help you practice so you're not making a fool of yourself when the time comes since clearly talking through it doesn't help."

I groan into my hand. "That's what it sounds like, right? It makes it sound like I'm propositioning you."

"I mean..." he laughs.

"Never mind," I say with a wave of my hand. "We just met. This is weird. Don't worry about it. This is my problem." I turn to head back into the house.

"Wait," he says and gestures me closer when I turn to look at him over my shoulder. With a heavy sigh, I bundle myself deeper into my coat (if that's possible) and perch and on the edge of the railing, glass dangling between my fingers. "Just take a deep breath and when you're ready just explain to me what you want. I promise I won't make fun of you or anything."

"Okay..." I say in a steadying breath. "I've missed out on a lot. And I think I've gotten myself to a point where the opportunities never presented themselves to me so when they do come up I panic and I don't know what to do so I shut them out and I know if I stay on this road I'm going to never experience anything and I'm going to die lonely and alone and..." I ramble off, pressing a hand to my face as my eyes burn.

"So, you need a ...sex Mr. Miyagi?" Gideon asks with a lopsided grin on his face clearly intended to stop me from crying.

"Oh my god, that's what it sounds like, doesn't it?"

He bellows out a laugh, eyes crinkled shut as if it's the funniest thing he's heard in a while. "I'm not laughing at you," he says between chuckles. "I'm laughing at the image of Mr. Miyagi being a sex guru."

I blow a strand of my dark hair out of my face and gaze as him in silence. Even though he doesn't seem bothered by what I said, everything inside of me is screaming to turn tail and run. But then I think back to what Zelda pointed out in the kitchen – at some point in my life I've started self-sabotaging and never even realized it. If I want anything to change, I need to step up and figure my shit out.

I just didn't think stepping up meant asking a man I've only just met to help me with my lack of sexual experience.

"And you want to have these experiences before you're thirty?"

"Ideally," I reply.

"So how long does that give us?"

Us.

He's already considering agreeing.

"Uh – eight months?" I say with a squeak. "My birthday is September fourth."

He nods thoughtfully. "I did mean it when I said I wouldn't make fun of you, so I need you to answer me honestly." I nod for him to continue. "How far have you gone?"

"Kissing," I reply after a beat and a decent flushing of my cheeks.

"Just kissing or—"

"Not even making out," I cut him off. 'Just kissing."

He hums in a way that I can't really decipher, leaning his head back against the post of the porch, eyes closed. For a moment I think he's changing his mind until he peeks at me with one eye, a smile on his face.

"So, we'll just have to work our way up from the beginning then. And we'll hit whatever base you want at your pace. I'll answer any of your questions."

"Seriously?" I can't even mask my disbelief, sputtering out a reply.

"Why not? I mean, we should probably set some ground rules and such, but we only live once and everyone deserves to have their needs met and be happy. Who cares if it's a little...unorthodox?"

He digs his phone out of his pocket and passes it to me.

"We should probably know each other's numbers," he clarifies at my confused expression. "I don't think a Facebook group chat would be the best place to talk."

I tap my name into his phone, blaming the shakiness of my hands on the chill in the air and not my utter need to vomit all over the place. "I don't know. Will might be thrilled."

Gideon snorts a laugh.

"So," I say as I hand him back his phone, "when should we start this whole, uh, thing?"

He tilts his head to the side in thought. "You know what they say. That new year, new you bullshit?"

I can't help but laugh. It's New Year's Eve; the only option is next year.

"We can meet up soon and lay out all the details so you're comfortable with everything and so I know what you want to do."

"Okay," I reply shyly. "Thank you, by the way. I know this is super weird."

He shrugs and hops off the railing. "Not the weirdest thing in my life, by far."

Before I have a chance to join him on solid ground, he stands in front of me with his arms outstretched.

A hug.

He wants...a hug?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asks, unmoving.

"I don't..."

"If you can't even give me a hug we aren't going to get very far."

Fair enough.

I slide down from the railing and slip my arms around his middle, pressing my cheek into the plushness of his jacket. His arms come to rest solidly around my shoulders, and I feel him plop his chin onto the crown of my head. His heart beats steady in his chest unlike the hammering of my own. Cedarwood and the smell of tobacco emanate from him, and I find it almost comforting, the smell. Cozy in a way.

It's that or I haven't been hugged by a man in so long that I would have been wooed by any scent.

He squeezes me a bit before releasing and jerks his head towards the door with a comfortable grin. I follow silently, hoping that the raging blush on my face fades by the time we rejoin our friends.

Thankfully, the girls are well into their drinks and much too distracted to interrogate me when I walk back into the house with Gideon. He rejoins the boys finishing up with the kitchen before the rest of the night takes off with a little bit of insanity. Will pours an absurd number of champagne glasses for us to grab before we play a few different types of card games (Slaps, Old Maid, Uno – which turned out quite violent at one point) before the midnight hour starts to approach.

The little news man on the TV announces that the countdown is starting and everyone in the house gathers into the living room with their glasses of champagne cheering the numbers along with the announcer. Zelda sits on John's lap with her arm around his neck. Will is nearly bouncing off the walls, yelling "ten, nine, eight!" in time with claps of his hands while Kento is prepping boxes of sparklers and slipping his shoes on. Reese grins ear to ear while standing in front of the TV with Harper, tapping his hands on her shoulders in time with the counter.

I stand behind the couch and can see them all prepping to follow through on the tradition of New Year's kisses. Even Kento is waiting for Will to stop hopping all over the place to kiss him, if that suggestive look is anything to go by.

"Happy New Year!" everyone, including the little man on the TV, shouts.

When Harper wraps her arms around Reese's neck and plants one on him, I'm thrilled and jealous all at the same time. I'm glad she's taking the risk, and that Reese looks more than happy to reciprocate, but the other part of me can't watch.

I throw back the rest of the champagne and stare at the ceiling when I feel Gideon tap my calf with his shoe. I turn to him, eyebrow cocked, and he gives me a look before glancing down at my lips.

Gideon agreed to help me, and we both agreed that the new year would be the start of this whole thing, I just didn't think he meant the moment the clock struck midnight.

It's obvious what he's doing. Letting me make the first move and start this whole nonsensical situationship we've agreed to start. Because if I can't even do that, there's no hope going forward. Every fiber in my being wants to do what I'm used to: avoidance. And if I want to change anything, if I want to take advantage of what Gideon is giving me, I can't keep doing the same thing over and over again. That's the literal definition of insanity.

So, with my heart in my throat I lean forward to where Gideon is perched on the back of the couch and place my lips against his. It's quick and they're warm and soft and I pull away with a flush on my face like an embarrassed schoolgirl.

The colors of the fireworks being blasted off at the nearby park flash through the window and Harper squeals, calling over everyone to follow her out into the porch to watch. I move to follow, ears burning, but Gideon tangles his fingers in the fabric of my dress, and I stop to turn back around and face him.

He presses a chase kiss to the corner of mymouth and his green eyes sparkle mischievously as he says, "Good job."