I'm walking out of the library daydreaming of the donuts I have sitting on my counter (courtesy of Will) when my phone buzzes. The caller ID read Reese which spurs up worry since he usually texts if he needs something.

Is Harper dying?

Is his house on fire?

"Hello? Is everything okay?" I say quickly into the receiver when I answer. I keep my hand on the handle to my car door, but I wait to pull it open and linger there.

"No one is dead," he says. "But everything isn't okay."

"Oh god, what? What's wrong?"

"Gideon's brother called me."

My purse slides down my arm and nearly slips from my fingers. "What?" I almost shout, grateful the parking lot is still empty since I cut out a little earlier than everyone else.

"Don't ask me how he got my number. I have no clue."

"What did that bastard want?"

"He said he wants to give us something to give to Gideon because he doesn't want to see him."

I scoff. "As if we'd let him anywhere near Gideon."

"That's what I said."

"Did he say what he wanted to give us?"

Reese grumbles. "No. He was a dick on the phone. And I don't do well against people like that."

"Is that why you're calling me?" I ask when I finally slide into my car and switch the call over to Bluetooth.

"I'm calling you because you've already punched the guy once and I figure if he's trying to kill me at least we can put up some defense."

I laugh despite not actually finding any humor in the situation.

"Thank you for thinking I could prevent your murder despite you being incredibly stronger than me. When and where are you supposed to pick up whatever the doctor wants to give you?"

"He wants to meet at seven at that Red Line stop in Chinatown."

"The hell? Why all the way there?"

Reese says something with his mouth full, swallows, and then says, "Because he's inconsiderate and a dick?"

I grumble and lean back into my seat, tapping my hands on the steering wheel.

"What the hell could it be?" I say more to myself than to Reese.

"No idea. But he seemed pretty pressed about it."

"I don't feel right not telling Gideon, though. Even though the last thing I want to do is drag him into something with his brother."

"I know."

"Should we tell him?"

Reese sighs. "He'll want to come."

"I know..." I thump my head against the headrest. "It'd be a nice change of pace for Gideon to ambush Ben in public."

"We shouldn't encourage this toxic behavior, Wal."

I grin despite myself. "I know. But you know I'm right."

"Yeah..." Reese says. "We shouldn't let Ben control another aspect of Gideon's life. Whatever it is, he deserves to know."

"Right." I put the car in reverse to head out of the parking lot. "I'll call Gideon and see what he wants to do. I'm on my way over to you now. I'll bring my pepper spray."

What in the world could Ben want and why would he call Reese? How did he call Reese? Though I can't say I'm surprised considering how much of an asshole that he is that he got his number without Reese's knowledge and pulled something like this. Making Reese drive all the way to Chinatown when he's from the suburbs? For what?

If it's not worth it, I might consider punching him a second time.

Or I might just do it because he deserves it after that night at the bar.

I dial Gideon and it's several rings before he picks up.

"I've only got a few minutes, what's up?" comes his voice.

"Are you at work right now?"

"Yeah, doing some training so I can talk for a minute. You okay?"

I feel like I'm about to lead Gideon to the gallows. I know this is the last thing he wants to hear or deal with, especially at work.

"Okay, I don't know how else to say it so I'm just going to say it and hope you stay calm." Gideon starts to speak, but I talk over him until he stops talking. "Ben called Reese just now and is asking him to meet him to get something for you because he's too much of a coward to face you himself. And Reese called me to ask me to go with him. And we both agreed you should know."

I only know Gideon hasn't hung up by the time ticking away on the center console where his name is.

"Gideon?"

"Are you fucking serious?" he says through his teeth. "What could he possibly want? Why Reese?"

"I don't know. We're both just as clueless."

"Tell me you're not going."

"Of course I am!" I exclaim. "Clearly he's too much of a chicken to see you and you deserve to know what it is and not be subjected to him."

"It's my problem, Wal. I'll deal with him." His voice tries to leave no room for argument.

"No, don't do this," I snap at him. "We've talked about this. This whole thing with Ben has morphed from some simple family squabble. You can't deal with this alone. It's abusive."

"Yeah, but the last thing I want is for you to deal with him. I don't trust him."

"I don't either, but I'm not letting him harass you like you have no one on your side to protect you. We're your family and family stands by each other."

"Ugh – fuck," he says in a voice that sounds pinched, like he's trying not to cry.

"Do you want Reese and I to come by right after or..."

"I'm coming with you."

"Gideon, you know how things go when you see him. Is that what you need right now?"

He scoffs into the phone. "No, but this needs to stop. I'm fucking tired of it."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Wal."

I bite my lip and remind myself it's not me he's mad at.

"Okay. Reese and I will pick you up. Are you okay to go home or should we come by your work?"

"Pick me up from work, please. I don't know what state of mind I'll end up in if I sit at home alone."

Painfully, I hang up the phone with Gideon so he can talk with boss and spend the rest of the drive to Reese's in heavy silence. It's not long, thankfully, and I pull into Reese's driveway to find him sitting on the stoop. He hops up and jingles his keys in his hand in an offer to drive.

He's dressed like...Kento, I notice with a laugh. Black denim jeans, a white shirt, and a black denim jacket that's fraying at the end.

"What are you laughing at?" he asks over the roof of the car.

"Why are you dressed like Ken? Where's the color?"

"I'm trying to be intimidating," he rolls his eyes.

"Yes, the black's really doing it for you."

"Well one of us has to look the part! We're meeting this asshole in a random parking lot underneath some train tracks. We could die."

I look down at my outfit. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"It doesn't really say I can punch a dentist."

It's just a pair of blue jeans and a beige linen button up.

"I just came from work!" I huff, clamoring into the car. "Besides, neither of us has to worry about being intimidating. Gideon's coming and I have a feeling he'll handle that for us."

"He's coming?" Reese gapes. "Are we really sure it's a good idea?"

"No," I admit. "But he needs to. If this is what he needs to do then...we don't have the right to stop him but we can do what we can to protect him."

"Great, so not only does the dentist not know I'm bringing you, but I'm now bringing Gideon too. We'll be lucky if he doesn't kill us."

I pop in Gideon's work address into the GPS and we arrive there in record time, going the opposite direction of rush hour traffic. We find Gideon perched in the back on one of the cement bumper blocks in the parking lot. It looks like he's burned through several cigarettes, working on a freshly lit one as he fumbles with his lighter. He's rolled up the sleeves of his white button up and loosed his collar.

"Hi, my boy," I gently call out the window when we roll up.

His eyes dart up to mine and it's obvious he's stressed cried, but I make no mention of it. He puts out his cigarette, grabs the pack and lighter off the asphalt, and slides into the backseat.

"Where's this fucker asking to meet?" Gideon asks when Reese gets us on the road again.

"Chinatown, Red Line stop," Reese answers.

Gideon falls onto his back in the backseat and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. "Fuck."

"Does that mean anything or is he just being an asshole?" I ask, twisting around in the passenger seat to see him. I reach out and take one of his hands in mine.

"It's close to where my mom died."

I lock eyes with Reese and thankfully he can see exactly how I feel. The absolute depravity of this man. I thought such caricatures of awful people only existed in media, but apparently Ben takes the cake.

Despite trying to stay relaxed, my stomach is in knots, and it only gets worse the closer we get. I can't tell if I'm nervous or enraged. The sun hasn't completely set by the time we pull off the highway and start our way down the crowded side streets. I hear Gideon's leg shaking up and down in the back seat as his eyes stay trained out the window like he doesn't want to look at me.

We pull in (and have to pay to park) in the lot. It's right across from the library and a high traffic area but shadowed by the train tracks that loom above. The lot is nearly full, and we have to drive around a bit before we find a spot tucked in the back along a chain link fence.

When Reese throws the car in park, we sit there for a moment motionless in silence. Nothing but the roar of the train pulling out of the station cuts through it.

"Are you going to fight him?" Reese asks Gideon, breaking the silence.

Gideon glances up at Reese through his lashes, jaw tightening at the question.

"I'm so fucking pissed he's dragging you guys into this. I'll be surprised if I don't."

I unbuckle my seatbelt and twist so I can face both men. "I think you should let Reese and I figure out what he has first. Like, if he sees you right away he might just turn tail and run."

"But I want—"

"You can do whatever you want after. That's your right. But Ben clearly likes to be in control. If he freaks out, it'll do nothing for us. For you."

He sighs and drops his head back against the seat.

"What time were you guys supposed to meet him?"

"Seven," Reese says.

I glance at the clock. It's ten till.

"I feel like we're doing something illegal," Reese laughs to break some of the tension.

It works and Gideon gives a weak huff.

"With my brother, who the fuck knows."

Thankfully we aren't left in suspense very long when a white colored sedan pulls up a little down the ways from where we're parked. I can just make out Ben's awkward and stocky form in the front seat.

"That's him, right?" I point out the back window.

Gideon glances to where I point, and I see every muscle in his body stiffen.

"Unfortunately," he answers.

Reese unbuckles his seatbelt before looking over at me with an "are you ready?" expression.

"Just—" I turn to Gideon and extend a hand to him. "Just stay here until Ben hands over whatever, okay?"

His eyes bore into mine, a storm of emotions behind them, before he takes my hand and relents. "Okay."

"It's now or never," Reese sighs before clamoring out of the car, back straight and chin defiant.

Despite Reese's pacifistic nature, he's still a former hockey player and that alone reassures me. I follow after one last glance at Gideon, tucking my pepper spray from my keys in my back pocket.

Ben, whose hulking frame gets out of his front seat at the sight of Reese, looks visibly uncomfortable with the way he cracks his neck when he sees me scurrying up behind him. We meet in the gravel roadway between the rows of cars. The sound of the Red Line clangs loudly above us and we wait in silence while the train passes. Fury is evident on Ben's face now that we're closer and he looks down his nose at us almost as if we're bugs waiting to be squashed.

The sun is still up just enough that if anything does happen the multitudes of pedestrians will see and call the police.

Or record it so that way Dr. Ben Elsher can lose his job.

Because I hate him.

"I thought I called you Reese, not my brother's...whatever." He gestures a hand in my direction.

"Wow, five minutes and you're already insulting me."

"Well, you hit me in the face."

"Okay," Reese says. "We're not here for this. What did you call me out here for?"

Ben watches the two of us warily before leading us to his car and popping open his trunk and pulls from a bag a crappy unstained wooden box. He looks at it for a moment longer before turning and handing it to Reese like a child who doesn't want to share their toys.

"What the hell is this?" I say with suspicion.

Cozying up to Reese's side, we both give Ben a look before opening the box. I'm thankful that Reese is the one holding it because my hands immediately fly to my mouth in utter surprise. Horror? Before I can even stop myself, I reach forward and grab Ben by the collar to yank him down to size.

"Are you serious right now? What the hell is that?"

Reese touches the plastic bag that's inside and twists it around before looking at Ben with his jaw slack.

"Are these ashes?"

The change in air between the three of us must have alerted Gideon to something going awry; I hear a car door slam behind us, and the tell-tale sound of gravel being kicked around. Ben must see Gideon stalking our way when his face twists up and he shoves me away from him and I stumble back a bit.

"The fuck is he doing here?" Ben looks at Reese accusatorily.

Reese merely grips the box tighter to his chest like it's something precious.

"Sucks, doesn't it? To see me when you don't want to?" Gideon calls as he nears us.

If a shadow could fall over Gideon's face, it sure would be the perfect moment to. One to compliment the dreadful look on his face. A look that I hope never needs to cross his face again after tonight.

"Oi!" I say when I notice Ben backing away. "Don't run away. Explain yourself."

"I did what I came to do," is his reply.

Gideon's on him before he can pull his door open enough, his hand coming up behind him to slam the door shut and keep it shut.

"No way, you asshole. You don't get to decide this shit anymore. You don't get to confront me when you want and run away now that you don't want me here." Ben turns around and the two brothers burn each other with their gazes. "Don't be a coward and involve my friends in our shit. You want to give me something? Give it to me. Don't use a proxy, you fuck."

Gideon reaches an arm out for the box but keeps is eyes trained on Ben.

"I wouldn't..." Reese says.

"Give it to me, Reese."

Reese nearly looks pained but does as Gideon asks and passes the wooden box to him. He rips the lid off, and his knees nearly buckle beneath him when he notes what's inside.

Gideon nearly laughs. "What the fuck?"

"Don't act so speechless, Gideon," Ben sneers. "You're the one that made such a fuss about it."

It.

"Did you even love your mother? Fucking hell dude," I say pressing my hands to my mouth.

They must be their mother's ashes. The ashes Gideon has begged for. Cried over. Their mother who wasn't supposed to even be cremated in the first place. The biggest betrayal Gideon has ever suffered. For years he asked for her ashes back to no avail.

And yet, here she is.

In his hands.

He's staring at the ashes as he sags against the car behind him, almost as if he's seeing God for the first time.

"You were planning on giving her ashes to us? You didn't even have the balls to give her to Gideon?" Reese asks.

"He's a fucking loose cannon. I never know what to expect from him. Why bother when he gets what he wants anyway?" He tosses a wary look at Gideon. "We've never had a good relationship and I don't care to start now. I don't care what kind of person you think he's become, but I know the boy he was, and you wouldn't like him either. You wouldn't want to be alone with him. It wasn't right of me to keep mom's ashes from him, but at the time I thought it was the best option for him. If he wants to stay in his cycle of self-harm he can do that, and we can be done with each other."

I hold my hands up in front of me and scoff in disgust. Every inch of this man just oozes insecurity and delusion. I've never met anyone who makes me want to smack them on sight. I can understand why he might think Gideon is a terrible person if these are the kind of feelings he brings out in people.

"And you never thought you might be the problem? I mean, what kind of guy withholds his mother's ashes from someone?" I ask through my teeth.

"I don't know why I need to explain this to you, a grown man, but people grow." Reese grips his fists tight at his sides. "Gideon is my brother and I've watched him grow up to be such a kind and considerate man who's struggled for years to prioritize himself because of you and your fucking family. You act like Gideon's the bad guy but you're the one who accosts him in public."

Reese's words come from such a deep place in his heart but do nothing to move the stone that is Ben Elsher. He's lost. There's something not right about him if he sees a threat in Gideon – a man who's staring at the ashes of his mother for the first time in over fifteen years like he's a boy who's lost her again.

"I want to beat the shit out of you," Gideon says darkly, clutching the box to his chest. "But I won't. I won't be what you think I am. And I won't thank you. She's my mother and I won't thank you for giving me her ashes that are owed to me."

Gideon spits on the ground near Ben's feet.

"Fuck you, Ben. I hope we never see each other again after this."

He walks back to the car without another look. There's nothing to be said between the three of us that remain. Ben tried desperately to make Gideon out to be the bad guy. Maybe he truly believes the image of his younger brother that he has in his head, but he's delusional. Not allowing someone to change and grow and to force them into this box of perception is unhealthy.

Ben climbs into his car when he realizes that Reese and I have nothing more to say to him. We watch his car kick around the gravel as he backs up and drives away towards the exit, taillights glowing red through the dark.

"We should check on him," Reese says looking over his shoulder towards the dark interior of his own car.

What do you even say to someone who's going through something as twisted as this? My family has never had such a warped view of each other. I have no idea what this feels like. This is so fucked up on so many levels that I feel my heart breaking for Gideon. To just give us your mother's ashes, not ever intending to give them to Gideon himself, and to seem so blasé about it...

To not even have the decency to put the remainder of her ashes in an urn for your only brother. No matter how much you hate each other, it's cruel.

We return to the car, and I open the door to slide into the backseat with Gideon. He's hunched over the box that he grasps tightly in his arms, shoulders shaking. Reese starts the car but stays put waiting for some unspoken assurance that Gideon's okay.

I wrap my arms around him and curl close to his side, resting my chin on his shaky shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I whisper, knowing clearly that he's not.

One of his hands comes up to clutch mine.

"I'm okay," he says. "I'm just happy. So happy she's right here. It's all I've wanted."

His voice is thick with sobs. The worst I've heard it. The anger he must feel towards Ben but the relief about his mother...what a storm of emotions. How does someone deal with it all? How can one brain figure all of that out? And there's nothing I can do for him to make it better.

All I can do is sit next to him and hold him through it.

The ride home is silent except for the occasional noises from Gideon. Warm yellow lights stream through the windows in a rhythmic manner as we fly down Lake Shore Drive to the North Side of Chicago to where Gideon's apartment lies. Reese and I silently make the decision that we're going to stay at Gideon's for the night. And Gideon makes no move to kick us out or acknowledge that we plan to stay either. He merely drags himself towards his bedroom with a weak "good night" and leaves both Reese and I there in the living room.

That's when my mask shatters.

I slide down to the floor and collapse into a mess of tears. Like the weight of what Gideon's just been through slams into me as if the pain is my own. I wipe my hands over my cheeks repeatedly to no avail; the tears can't seem to stop.

Reese silently holds me on the ground, chin pressed into my shoulder and his hand rubbing my back in slow circles.

Seeing Gideon, someone I'm so incredibly fond of, be reduced to a sobbing mess over something that never should have happened to him—it's heart wrenching pain. To see this man who's worked so hard to turn his life around and make everyone around him happy deserves every ounce of his own happiness – to never shed another tear in his life.

Without Gideon, I never would have met myself.

I never would have broken my own cycle.

The fear and confusion I had to break that cycle I'd forced myself into kept me from opening up to another human being. To that necessary intimate human connection that I craved. But Gideon helped me apologize to myself. Meeting him helped me truly meet me. Who I am. That allowed me to finally open up to others without that fear and shame.

I want to give him everything he's ever asked for so he never feels alone again.

Reese and I remain that way before we calm ourselves down and raid Gideon's hall closet for blankets and extra pillows. We curled up on opposite ends of the couch and said little to each other in the darkness of the apartment.

Just sat and listened in silence in case Gideon needed us.

Sleep evades me with my brain running a mile a minute and my eyes puffy from crying, so I pull out my phone.

Wallace Beaumont [9:46pm]: emergency – do not add gideon to this text

Kento Okawa [9:49pm]: what's wrong? is everything ok?

Will Morrison [9:49pm]: why can't we add g-man to the text

Reese van Doren [9:50pm]: We met up with Gideon's brother tonight.

Harper Phillips [9:50pm]: excuse me

Will Morrison [9:50pm]: what the fuck why

Zelda Spriet [9:50pm]: We who?

Wallace Beaumont [9:50pm]: he called reese to meet up and reese asked me to come. we decided it wasn't right if we didn't tell gideon so all three of us went.

Kento Okawa [9:51pm]: meet up with the psycho brother sounds smart

Reese van Doren [9:51pm]: He gave us Gideon's mother's ashes.

Wallace Beaumont [9:51pm]: in a box not even an urn

Harper Phillips [9:52pm]: um what

Zelda Spriet [9:52pm]: That's horrible! Not even an urn?

Will Morrison [9:53pm]: how did Gideon react?

Wallace Beaumont [9:54pm]: it broke him of course but he's also happy that he's finally got her. i think he's in shock. we're here with him tho

Reese van Doren [9:55pm]: Do you guys want to pool money together to get an urn for him? I'm sure he can get one from his job but
Reese van Doren [9:55pm]: It doesn't feel right making him do all these things that should have been given to him.

I click open my browser on my phone and start scanning through some of the urns and quickly come to the realization that these are all plain without much personality to them. I know nothing about Miriam or what kind of person she was. She didn't even want to be cremated in the first place, so I doubt she put much thought into the kind of urn she'd like.

John McAllister [10:00pm]: how about we make one instead?

Harper Phillips [10:01pm]: yeah! I remember Gideon saying that his mom didn't want to be cremated anyway so a standard urn seems wrong somehow.

Zelda Spriet [10:01pm]: Yes! I'm taking pottery classes so I can get us into a studio and whip one up.

Harper Phillips [10:02pm]: we could all make a part of it.

Reese van Doren [10:02pm]: I think that's a great idea, John.

Kento Okata [10:04pm]: cancel all your plans tomorrow and let's do this for Gideon

When we wake up the next morning, neck and back sore from sharing the small couch, the sun is barely over the horizon. I feel Gideon's hand threading through my hair and my eyes peel open slowly to see his solemn face heavy with dark circles under his eyes.

"Hey," I rasp out, mindful of Reese curled up near my feet.

"Hey."

"You okay?"

"I'm tired," he admits. "But I'm okay. Why are you both here? I thought you went home."

"We weren't going to just leave you if you needed us."

His hand is warm against my face, and he leans in to press a kiss on my chapped lips.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry you both had to be a part of that," he whispers.

"I'm not," I say. "You shouldn't have been alone for that. We love you."

He allows himself a smile. The first of this whole ordeal.

"Alright." A tear escapes the corner of his eye. "Thank you both. Really. It means a lot."

He rests his face against the fabric of the couch next to my own head and I turn a bit to press a kiss to the crown of his head.

"Whatever you need from us, Gideon, really."

"You want to come to bed and give Reese the rest of the couch?" Gideon stifles a laugh as he looks up to see Reese's scrunched form.

"She can't," comes Reese's yawn.

"Oh? She can't?" Gideon laughs.

Oh, right. The urn!

"I have to work and my car is at Reese's."

Gideon buys this and presses another slow kiss to my lips before grunting an "alright" as he stands. Reese doesn't escape Gideon's affections when Gideon leans over him next, pressing an obnoxious kiss to his exposed cheek.

"Thank you both," he says. "I'm going back to bed now."