“Hyung, I bought you this,” I heard from Ni-ki who just arrived together with Jungwon.

I smelled a familiar scent that made me feel excited. I put away my cellphone from me and open the plastic they brought.

“You don’t know how much I need this,” I commented and laugh.

“That’s why we bought you one,” Jungwon replied and smiled at me.

I unwrapped the plastic and started mixing the tteokbokki and eats. “Thank you,” I thanked the both of them.

“Hyung, I’m really sorry about what happened,” Ni-ki apologized to me and I just ruffled his hair.

“You’re forgiven,” I stated. “You two should also eat now,” I invited them and we all eat together.

I made account private, blocked Park Sunghoon and decided to delete it sooner. After all of these, ddeuno will be forever gone now. As what I saw with the random tweets of his fans, he’s seems so tired and lonely.

He’s probably trying to reach me out. He can actually see me in person but I think HIVE’s staff is not letting him. This is fine for me.

I don’t want to see him anymore. We’re both going to feel hurt if we’ll keep on seeing each other.

I felt someone’s hand in mine and that’s when I realized that I already stopped eating and my mind completely went blank.

“The food will turn cold, stop thinking about those,” Jungwon stated and gave me a quick smile.

“Yeah,” I agreed and started eating again.

I should really stop thinking about those already.

It’s been a week now since I blocked Sunghoon from everything. I don’t know about his schedules anymore. I stopped everything that’s about him stay inside the house.

I read a lot of speculations and rumors about him but I really tried my best not to worry.

But you all know I can’t.

I care about him a lot. I don’t want him feel sick and tired. I don’t want him to be affected but what I’m doing but he can’t avoid it also.

Why are these people blaming me? I know these are my entire fault but how can they point those to me without any evidence?

I’m also hurt though, it’s not only him.

He can’t see this on his main but I hope he doesn’t have his burner account. I never posted so personal in this account, I never knew I’m going to do this.

This will lead to more confusion to others but let’s me say this again after a while, I don’t care anymore.

Loving the right person in the wrong time will always lead to deeper pain. That’s why it’s better not to love anyone until you’re ready to commit.

It was around 12 in the midnight when a VLive notification popped up in my screen. Right, I just remember I still have this shit app.

I was about to uninstall it when I read the notification. Sunghoon is live and the caption goes, “Fighting!” It made me tapped it and he has his black bucket hat with him and his study is a bit darker than the usual.

“Good morning everyone, I see there are only few people who are watching me right now. Maybe because it’s already midnight? At this time, I don’t really have something important to tell yet I want to sing a song for you,” he welcomed.

His voice sounds so melancholic. I couldn’t see his eyes since his hat is covering it. I can only see his lips moving and I can feel the sadness on it.

I’m sorry, hyung.

“I’m okay guys hahahah!” he laughs after reading a comment, obviously that was forced. “I’m really fine. Penguins, be well all the time, okay? Life is just so hard every day, like someone will come to make your day bright then leave you alone in the dark,” he commented.

I felt my eyes heated and my tears are about to escape already. He’s referring to me and I don’t how to react. All I know is I hurt him so much.

I don’t know what to say aside from, I’m really sorry.

“My live will be short since I need to practice. I just want to share something to you guys,” he stated and then he grabs a mic and a clean instrumental played.

He leans on his chair and put the mic closer to his lips. His eyes are still covered with his hat.

Take me as you are
Push me off the road
The sadness, I need this time to be with you

I’m freezing in the sun
I’m burning in the rain
The silence, I’m screaming
I’m calling out your name

My eyes widen as he started singing. The song isn’t familiar but the lyrics are hitting my insides. Is this song for me?

And I do, reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah, you’ll lose the side of your circles
That’s what I’ll do
If we say goodbye

He then moved his head and that made his eyes visible to the viewers. I saw how sad they are. I saw how his eyes are on pain. All because of me.

To be is all I got to be
In all I see
In all that I need this time
To me, the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight

He continued singing with his heart out and poured everything on it. He meant every lyric. He meant everything. He’s hurt and he’s saying it through the song.

He’s already bidding his goodbyes to his viewers when I typed something in the comment section while my tears are falling.

“I really need to practice now hahah! I’ll see you again sooner. Promise I’ll comeback. I have sincerity in all of my words. And then worr—“ he paused talking as he look at the comments.

[Hyung, I’m sorry…]

“Then why did you leave?” I heard him say while his head is looking down. He then looked up with a smile, “See you all around Penguins! Fighting!” Then he ended the live.

I can’t stop my tears on falling already but I need to cry in silence since Jungwon and Ni-ki are already sleeping.

While I’m still trying to calm myself, I received a call from Boss Jeon. I let out a deep breathe first before answering it.

“Yes Boss Jeon?” I said first.

“Oh! Glad you’re still awake. K, that former HIVE trainee, I already found him. I’m going to send you his address,” he stated over the phone.

I bit my lip to stop myself from gasping. “I’m going to see him right away,” I replied.

“That’s good. After you talked to him, come see me right away. The money is ready to be transferred,” he stated then hung up the call.

Even though Boss Jeon is already out of the line, my phone is still on my ears. I felt like my whole system just went off. I don’t know what I’m going to do next.

If what I’m really doing is still right.

The next morning, I already prepared myself and I heard cheers from Jungwon and Ni-ki before I left the house.

I’m really going to do this now and I can’t back out.

I went to where K’s address is and when I arrived at the front of his unit, I breathe in and out before knocking. It took a while before he opened the door.

“Why?” he asked me politely.

“Hi, I’m Kim Sunoo are you K? The former HIVE—“ he didn’t let me finish my sentence when he slams his door in front of me.

Come on! You’re not the only one who’s having hard time in here!

I knocked again and shouted, “Please open the door! I really need to talk to you! K, I can help you—“

“What do you want from me?” he asked in irritation.

I show my ENB ID to him, “I’m Kim Sunoo and I can help you unveil what happened to you and Park Sunghoon,” I persuaded.

I saw how his eyes widen a little when he heard Sunghoon’s name. He then walks inside while leaving the door open. I followed him and closed the door.

He’s unit is just small as ours but and it’s also clean. We both sat down on the mat and then he looks at me seriously.

“What?” he asked me.

I secretly play the voice recording in my cellphone and hide it under the table. “K, what really happened back then? Did HIVE really paid you before so that you’ll leave the company?” I asked him.

“I thought you know the truth already?” he sarcastically asked me then he sighs. “Yeah, they did. We know that Sunghoon’s mom bribed the company so that he’ll debut,” he stated.

“How can you be so sure?” I asked him.

“A trainee saw it, he accidentally heard their conversation. Since Sunghoon have the talent, it’s not impossible,” he stated.

I don’t know who I’m going to believe anymore. That’s what Sunghoon also said but they all denied it. What K is telling have at least supports to his claim.

“Why did you let them do that?” I asked him again.

He smirked, “We we’re forced to shut our mouth. They gave us money and we can’t do anything about it already. I thought, maybe Sunghoon really deserves to be on stage than I. So we just let them do what they want,” he answered seriously.

“What do you mean by forced?” I asked for clarifications.

“What do you think?” he paused and the other side of his lips rose, “HIVE threatened us. If we won’t leave the company and spread the rumors outside, they will ban us to every agency. Do you think we still have our choice?”

In the end, business is business. No matter how beautiful the company outside it will never reflect in the inside. HIVE, is a company who runs business and business won’t be called business if it’s clean.

“How much exactly did they paid to you?” I asked him again.

“₩100,000,” he replied.

I gasped, “₩100,000? HIVE really gave you that kind of money? How many trainees received?” I interrogated.

“15 trainees, some of them are in the lineup of debuting already in other company. I don’t know where the others are right now but I’m sure some of them stopped their passion and just continue studying,” he answered my quires.

I nod after everything sunk in my mind. HIVE played dirty, Sunghoon got deceived, trainees paid up.

“Now that I finally get what happened before, I’m going to ask your permission,” I said and looked at him seriously.

“What is it?” he asked me.

“Are you going to let ENB, release this issue?” I appealed.

“What I’m going to get after it?” he negotiate.

“Truth,” I simply replied then my fingers moved as if I’m counting money.

“Truth? Fine, let’s do that,” he agreed.

I smirked and raise my phone, showing him the voice recorder. “I’m going to use this as evidence. If ENB will call you for more information, please answer them right away,” I added and end the recorder.

“Sure,” he agreed.

I stood up but before I totally turn my back from him I stared at K’s eyes, “Sunghoon won because he deserves it. I don’t know what are the truth and the lie but I trust Sunghoon and his skills. Then, I’m going now,” then I left there.

I was shaking as I walk down the stairs and suddenly felt my body collapsing. My knees weakened that made me fell in the side of the road.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” I whispered while trying to calm myself.

I can really feel how my chest tightens and how my tears drastically flow down. I’m really going to ruin him minutes away from now. I wanted to tell him to stop practicing already because he won’t be able to perform.

I waited for a taxi and then went to ENB. I’m now in front of Boss Jeon while my tears are still falling.

I can’t stop it anymore.

Before I can speak I saw his iPad and it shows in there ₩50,000,000 that are ready to be sending to my bank account already. I only need to tap a single option.

My hands are trembling while handling him the SD card, “H-here it is,” I said in my crack voice.

“Sunoo, I already told you that having that kind of feeling while you’re in this job will only cause you trouble. I want to be disappointed to you but you’re also doing a great job,” he commented in his sad voice.

“I’m really regretting doing this but I want to thank you also, Boss Jeon,” I replied between my sobs.

He nods and smiled, “Don’t worry, the persons I hired are already moving,” he told me.

“T-thank you,” I simple replied.

“Why don’t you sent it yourself?” he suggested while looking at the iPad.

I let out a deep breathe while slowly reaching the screen. My eyes are blurry and I’m already sobbing so loud.

I need this, I need this money. I’m sorry for doing this. I’m sorry for choosing this over you, hyung.

I really wanted to beg for your forgiveness but I don’t think I’m deserving of that.

My fingertip is shaking as it touches the screen. Then I felt a vibration in my pocket. As I checked my notification, my hands automatically covered my eyes and cried harder.

“Can I have that now?” I heard from Boss Jeon not minding my loud sobs.

I moved my hands towards him and he gladly grabbed the SD Card from me. As he started checking it, I already take my steps to go out. I can hear K and my voice playing from behind that made my pain doubles.

I’m already in front of the door when I cleared my throat and spoke, “I’m resigning as Park Sunghoon’s sasaeng.”

“Thank you for your service, ddeuno.”