I definitely have to give some recognition to the drinks we had in the wedding, because as Niall drives to whatever we are going, there's just awkward silence. I don't know what I expected, that he would come in horses so we could ride to our destination like in the old times? This is the retreat centre anymore.

It's hard to reconcile that this is the present with our previous history: we are not supposed to be the same we were seven years ago and we can't act the in such way. This is starting all over again, and just now I realise it might not be that easy.

Someone should give me a glass of wine, I bet I can let loose a bit then.

"So..." I begin after about ten minutes where I didn't know what to say aside the normal greetings, and it seems Niall is just the same. His eyes are focused on the road, the GPS telling him where he has to go. It makes me assume he doesn't go to this place very often, or he is just used to it. "Where are we going? I feel like I should've asked before."

"It's a French restaurant a friend owns. The food is really good so I thought it would be nice," Niall answers, taking a quick glance at me from the corner of his eyes, the smile soon follows. "Is there anything you are allergic to? I don't want to feed you something that will take you to the hospital. Or have you become a vegetarian?"

"You know... I wouldn't have thought of asking about allergies for a first date... pre-date," I comment, wondering if he's allergic to something or if he mentioned it when we met long ago but I forgot.

"I've seen things..." Niall answers and his expression has a ghost that for some reason makes me chuckle because it seems more dramatic than it should be. It reminds me to an expression Charlie used to make when he went online and read Drarry fan fictions.

"I think you've read things. Don't tell me you read the fan fictions your own fans wrote," I accuse because surely there might have been countless of stories where he was the main lead.

Niall's expression freezes, his hands squeezing the steering wheel tighter and his lips pressed in a tight light.

"You have! And you've read the ones that traumatised you!" I exclaim, reading his expression and bouncing on the driving seat, clapping in delight and feeling a lot better for being able to tease him and break the awkwardness like that.

"Fans have... a wild and dark imagination," Niall speaks and his voice tells me he is still haunted for some of the things he's read.

I laugh out loud, not imagining what kind of stories he stumbled upon but just enjoying that he willingly read One Direction fan fictions on his own. I just find it priceless.

"I was curious!" The former pop star defends himself, an offended look in his eyes that's nothing but fake, yet I still try to control my chuckles because his cheeks are tainted pink, even the tip of his ears and although teasing him is fun, I don't want him that uncomfortable.

"I won't ask what type of stories you read," I grant, trying to keep a solemn expression. "And just so you don't live any of the stories you've read, I am not allergic. At least not that I know. Don't make me eat anything too weird, just in case."

"Noted," Niall smiles, once again fully focused on the road.

The restaurant isn't too far and the very owner greets us, clearly delighted to have Niall there apparently after a long time. "It's such a pleasure to see you again," the man speaks. He's probably late thirties, with some stylish grey hairs, handsome features in an elegant way, as someone who takes care of his appearance. He does have a slight accent, but very little, I notice it because I was hoping a thick French accent. "And who do we have here? Who is this lovely lady?"

"This is Ella," Niall introduces us and I grab the hand that's offered. The man takes it and like in a cliché he kisses my knuckles. "Ella, this is my friend Jean," Niall continues but his voice is just slightly anxious.

"It's a real pleasure to meet you," the man greets. "If Niall brings you here you might be close, I dare say he's courting you. I'm pleased to see he has a great taste."

Okay, I admit the flirting is a bit uncomfortable, but by the side look Jean takes at Niall, I know he's doing it just to tease the younger man who seems tense and ready to step between. For a second I'm tempted to play along, but I don't think it's a good idea on our pre-date.

"Jean, you have your wife. Don't do this to my date. I know she's pretty, but that's enough," Niall speaks, his voice just a bit deeper, clearly affected by Jean's joke. Niall even wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and away from his friend. I have to control my impulse to laugh at the situation.

"I see," Jean mumbles with a grin on his lips, watching Niall closely as if he's read something that I'm not aware of. When he looks at me again, his smile is kind and accepting. "I'll take you to your table and I'll make sure the young couple have the best service."

"Thank you," I say for the two of us as we follow him to our table.

It's near the window to the gardens of the restaurant, a place elegant but not too big, not too fancy that would make me uncomfortable. It's a table for four so we have plenty space and we sit across each other.

Once Jean leaves us with the menu, I start scanning the pages but I'm more curious about his relationship with the owner.

"Does your friend always tease you like this," I ask, my attention not caught by any of the dishes.

"No, but he always wanted to do that. He asked me many times when I was going to bring a date here, if I was afraid he'd steal her from me," Niall answers with a little frown, reading the menu more closely than I do.

"Haven't you ever brought a date here?" I ask, my eyebrows raised in incredulity.

"No, this is the first time," he accepts with a little shrug. "You live close by and it's a good place. It seemed a good option. I'm sorry for his flirting."

"I know he was just teasing you, it's okay," I shrug off, looking to reassure him somehow. "Well, I guess it isn't weird you didn't before. There are many place you could've taken your dates in this city."

When I was studying I was living near campus in Oxford, but now that I have graduated and came back, I moved to London as I got a position in a hospital here. I start in two weeks, actually. My flat here in London and everything is pretty new, I haven't been here for more than a week.

"I didn't date much. When I was still in the band, I didn't want it to be found out so it was always kinda secret so we din't go out much. I only had one girlfriend after you and I broke up."

That does surprise me, not because I expected him to date every girl that crossed his path, Niall was never that type, but just one in seven years seems either too serious, or odd.

"May I ask why? I mean, it's been a long time and I doubt it's like you didn't meet anyone remotely interesting in all these years. Did you date for a long time?"

"We dated for over a year, I think," Niall muses, lifting his eyes to meet mine just briefly. "Almost two, probably." I see him taking a deep breathe before he continues. "After you and I parted, it was hard for me to move on. I went to the retreat centre the year after, foolishly thinking I would meet you again. Of course it didn't happen." I press my lips together, not wanting to tell him I know that, that I went there and could've met him, I just chose not to. "And even after that it was still hard letting you go. Maybe two years after that I decided to give it a chance and dated someone, but I think she always knew there was always someone else in my heart, someone I couldn't completely let go of. Ultimately she met someone else and I didn't do anything to stop her from slipping away, I guess I was even relieved because I felt I wasn't good enough for her. And after that, I didn't date just because I was busy with work, changing paths and all that. I wasn't avoiding it, but the opportunity never showed up and I didn't seek for it."

"But I show up and you suddenly decide to try?" I inquire because Niall wasn't the type to not wanting to date because of something else, it was me the one who wanted to focus on myself and my dreams first. He was ready for a relationship all along, but as I hear him now it sounds like he never really moved on and I just can't believe it.

"It's you," Niall smiles as if that was answer enough. "I guess a part of me was always waiting for you, I always thought we'd meet again, I just didn't know when it would happen."

I take a sharp breath in because it feels too much, thinking he's waited for me, for this moment. It's a big pressure, too big for me because it suffocates me. I moved on, I fell out of love and actually got to love other people; never as I loved Niall, but still. I could've even ended up married to someone else, but Niall was... waiting?

No. It can't be like that, he's exaggerating.

"What if we had met and I had been in a relationship? Or married? What would you have done?" I ask, not sure why, but I can't stop myself. I need to know it isn't as serious as he makes it look.

"I don't know," Niall shrugs as if it weren't a big thing. "I would've just accepted it and be glad you were happy even if it was with someone else. I'm rejoiced you weren't in any relationship when we met again, though. It makes things a lot easier and less painful for me."

"I could've been taken," I blurt out, once again not knowing why. I guess it's too overwhelming thinking Niall was so sure we'd meet again, that he was somewhat waiting for this moment. "I dated three people in these seven years, one for more than two years. He even asked me to marry him." I feel anxious, a bit shaken knowing all this and it's pushing me to say unnecessary things.

Niall's eyes widen and I see clear fear in his gaze, in how his expression freezes when he realises the possibility and the unfairness that I didn't wait like he did. I didn't exactly kept him in my heart all these years. I wasn't like him during all this time.

"I didn't accept because it felt too soon for me, I wasn't ready, I wanted to make my own life first and because I knew he was somewhat testing me."

Niall takes a shaky breath, his eyes darting to the window just briefly, enough to let me see him gulping and pulling himself together.

"We broke up because I said no, but I could've told him to wait some more. I could've accepted and told him to just wait two or three more years for the wedding. We had a very stable and healthy relationship." I take a deep breath, trying to calm down because I don't know exactly why I'm feeling so out of it. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?" I question because I don't know myself.

Niall meets my eyes and holds my gaze with confidence, squaring his shoulders and looking determined.

"You could've done all that, but you didn't. It doesn't matter what could've gone different, because that's in the past and we made our decisions that have led us to this point in life. I never expected you'd feel like I did, that you'd wait and have that hope we'd meet again. I don't had you accountable for the life you've led because I know you've done all you wanted to do. If you forgot completely about me even when I couldn't do it, that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is now, Ella. We have met again and I don't want to let this chance slip. I've waited for you, I hoped for this moment and I'll try my best to make it work."

His words don't put me at ease, they only add more pressure to my shoulders, making my heart heavy with guilt. Yes, that's the emotion. Guilt because I made him go through these seven years waiting, because I wasn't as faithful as he was, because I completely moved on.

Guilty. I feel so guilty and I have no idea what to do that and how to get rid of it.

-:-:-:-

Sooooo... here's this week's chapter. I thought it was going to be more fluffy and cheesy but well... things happened hahaha I still hope you liked it. Thank you all for commenting and voting! You make me so, so happy and glad to be back posting regularly.

I'll see you all for the next update in a few more days. Remember you can always find me on twitter @BelWatson

Bel, xx