I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

You already hated me but I just had to make things worse. I know I make you upset. I know I can't be the older brother you want me to be. But I try. I know you tell me to stay at the dorm when you go on missions, but I'm not a dog, I'm your brother, I need to protect you.

I know what you want from me, I just can't give it to you. I know I can be annoying, not listening to you, but I've always been there for you since we were young. And we're still young. Which means my duty's not over yet.

I know you've had training since you were seven, I know you've seen demons since you were born, but it's all because of me. I took your childhood from you and I need to make it up to you. Except you never let me. You think it's your duty to keep me safe, to keep me in my rightful position, beneath you.

You'd always been weak. The weaker one of the twins who didn't inherit demonic powers. But, I think I'd like that better. I always protected you when you were bullied, helped you when you were helpless and comforted you when you were afraid. I knew one day you'd want to be a bit stronger, to have some independence, but I never thought you'd throw me away. Although we were twins, we couldn't have been more different.

You're smart, I'm stupid.
You're careful, I'm reckless.
You're hardworking, I'm lazy.
You're helpful, I'm threatening.
You're loved, I'm hated.
You're better, I'm worse.
You're alive, I'm dead.

It's always been like that. Whilst I was getting into fights, you were working hard to get into a good school, to get good degree, to become a doctor, to become an Exorcist. And what's an Exorcist's job? To exorcise demons. And what am I? A demon. Not just any old demon, the son of Satan.

To you, I'm not your brother any more, I'm not your twin, I'm not you family. You only see me as a threat. A monster who only exists to cause chaos. You say I don't care, I don't love, but then again, what do you know Yukio? You've never understood me. Whether you just went along with it or tried to stop it, understanding me was the one thing you couldn't do.

It's like you don't even see what's happening. You don't see the blades, the blood, the tears... you're blind to everything. Guess you're gonna need new glasses to add to your collection. Maybe one day you'll finally be observant, maybe you'll understand why, how, when, and most importantly, who. That's the one thing people never seem to understand. They can find out why it happened. How it happened. And when it happened. But who it was caused by would forever remain a secret, a mystery not even Sherlock could solve.

It's funny really. You push me away, try to scar me, but I keep coming back. No matter how much you hurt me I always want to come back to you. You are my reason to live but also my reason to die. Why are emotions so hard to control? I'll never understand why.

I'm hurt,
I'm alone,
I'm depressed,
I cry myself to sleep
And I hate myself,
All because of you.
But I hope you're doing ok
because I love you.