i am scared to pick up the phone because i am so aftraid you're crying and i will not find the right words to comfort you, i will just sit there in silence, being uncomfortable and not able to help.

that's why i don't pick up when you call me in the evening, after sending a text saying "r u free rn?"

that's why i say "i wish i could say the same" when you say "you can call me at any time and i will pick up and be there for you when you need me the most"

and it's the seven thousandth call on the thirtyfourth app. and i still don't pick up, because i am so fucking scared.

does that make me a bad friend?