I've cried tears you'll never see

So fuck you, you can cry me an ocean

And leave me be

You are what you love

Not who loves you...

I'm here to scream   

First, I want to say I'm really exhausted. I went running this morning and then went to band camp, and it was mistake. So I'm exhausted.

Second, I'm just really done with... everyone I guess...

Take a step into my life, censored. For the past eight months, I've had someone in my family harass me to get his ... let's call it a job, since it kind of is one. So for the past eight months, I've been called, texted, called by my mom, and messaged to his job done. Imagine, a person texting someone every fucking weekend to take care of HIS job simply because his wife doesn't want to do said job.

How fucking lazy is that?!

AND this little thumb didn't even wish me a happy birthday over the weekend even though, my mom and his sister posted stuff on a social media sight about it.

Anyway, so this texting goes on every weekend, even still, throughout the weekend. Then, many people on Wattpad assume I'm on Wattpad twenty four-seven. There's always something in my inbox about, "when's the next chapter coming out?" "Hey when are you going to update so-and-so book." "Hey, you should update." "Yo bro, you should check out my story." "Can you follow me back please? I'll read one of your books." (the girl actually said that.) I imagine you get the point by now. And this is everyday.

Now, outside of Wattpad, is my own life. Preparing for college again, going to college, and my non-immediate family. Now, I'm not going to say they're perfect. They're not, but I REALLY dislike when people try to lower them. I'm not saying people should treasure them, but I am saying don't talk shit about my family, unless you're me. And even then, I hate myself for it the next day. Anyway, they cause a lot of drama among themselves, and I eventually have to pick a side to defend. This has been going on for quite sometime.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I'm tired of everyone and I thought I would just share a bit of my life to give you a picture. Now for the last bit, my immediate family. Between ourselves, we like to look at things with intellict, and since a very young age, my parents have shown they value intellict, which may contribute to my being a sapio-sexual. Anyway, we're constantly learning new things from each other and helping each other grow. A few things I learned from my dad were sewing, shooting, politics, comics, critiqueing, and thinking.

So it's pretty obvious now that I really hate stupid people. For Sherlock fans, you'll know what I mean. For people who aren't Sherlock fans, just try to imagine two silbings who laugh at witty jokes, who get bored with "normal" people, who get really engrossed in their work by the detail, who find many books/stories over cliched or over rated, who are called weird and don't care, who don't tell people they hate how stupid they are, and who are constantly learning. ... that's basically me and my sister, and we're not changing for anyone. We're basically smart, arrogant assholes like the Holmes brothers, in a light anyway.

So anyway, today I became very upset in the Sherlock sense. I can't stand when people can't think or don't use logic to win arguments or don't use logic when speaking to someone or don't get straight to a point or change the point. I usually don't point out flaws of people, because I hate to, but today I just went off on people in my family and decided not to answer my phone. I was tired and angry. Hell, I'm not even going to answer anyone on that thing for the next seven days because I'm tired of the fucking world. I fucking promise not to. No matter what!

There is no need for me to appologize for who I am or not being someone people want me to be. I've been doing this for the past month, and now I'm finally going to speak my mind.

Fuck it.

I'm done. I'm not going to please anyone anymore. (Don't get me wrong, I'll still do that Wattpad. *laughs lightly* fuck grammar.) I'm just done. I'm an anti-social sociopath, and I'm tired of it all.

I walked down the darkest alley of the university I attend and got lost. I didn't even answer my mom when she was looking for me. I was just so angry. There's this thing called I don't care anymore. Yeah, I made my mom feel horrible, which made me feel like a monster, but I appologized the best I could.

There was no need for me to do something as stupid as that, but I was just really angry and in the need to vent. No one was there and I made a horrible decision, I know. I also know I'm arrogant. I know I'm an asshole. I know chemical compounds. I know how to apply things I've learn to life. I know Amigurumi. I know how to defeat a lot of people in chess. However, I'm just tired.

I'm tired of stupid people. Sadly, they will always exist.

I'm tired of apologizing. Hopefully, I won't have to speak to any of my family because I'm turning off my phone tomorrow.

I'm tired of it all. I've reached the point where I don't care and might not feel anything for awhile. Is it bad that I feel like ... never mind.

Anyway, I'm very sorry for this rant/vent (whatever you want to call it), but I just need it, you know? I'm usually one who doesn't do a thing like this. Hell, none of my friends know anything about my family really. I keep my personal very private and seperate. If one person knows, then only they know. I don't tell my friends about my family, and I don't tell my family about my friends. Everything is in its own little corner.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. I'm done venting. I'm not answering my phone for a week because I need time away from everyone, and I might just head to my hometown. I just need to vent and start a break...