Me: I went shopping today for one thing and ended up walking out with six bags and spending $300.
Jamie: on Christmas presents?!
Me: yep.
Chloe: oh this is so exciting!
Jamie: can we start a tradition of opening one present early on Christmas Eve?
Me: one present?
Jamie: yeah!
Me: you know I could wrap up a box of tic tacs and give you those.
Jamie: 😑
Me: you said one present!
Jamie: you and dad are bad parents.
Me: why?!
Jamie: you don't get excited about Christmas Day!
Me: well when you wake me at 5am I don't.
Jamie: I know, cause you're "tired."
Me: Jamie, who cooked a goddamn roast last Christmas in 42 degree heat cause you kids saw an ad on the tv and begged us to?
Jamie: you did.
Me: do you get up at 4am to go to work everyday like dad does?
Jamie: no...🙄
Me: do you teach 3 and 4 year old children?
Jamie: no...🙄
Me: we earn the right to be tired on Christmas Day and go back to bed when you've opened your presents.
Jamie: but you're never excited.
Me: we are, on the inside.
Jamie: 😑