~ Chapter 29: If You Give Me A Chance  ~

[ Jackie’s POV: ]

I was still holding Justin tightly in my arms as he ran out of tears to shed. At one point, he had stopped crying but his body was shaking just as vigorously and he sniffed and whimpered every now and then. I, on the other hand, said nothing. I just kept my mouth shut and hugged him. He needs someone to be here for him and comfort him, and I’m being that person right now. The silence is best for him because the last thing he needs is for me to continue speaking stuff he may not want to hear right now. Just my presence is enough to comfort him and we both know it.

I don’t know how long we stood there, but quite frankly I didn’t really care. My idol needs me right now and I’m willing to do anything for this boy. I represent the entire Belieber fandom at this very moment.

After a while, I started thinking about how broken Justin is and it made my stomach churn so I began to count numbers in my head—just so I’d have something to distract myself with. It was when I had reached the number 56 that Justin wiped his eyes and pulled away from me. I released my hold on him and he leaned against the wall, looking at anything but me. It was quiet between the two of us and I kept my eyes on him, waiting to see when he’d build up the courage to look at me again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m so sorry.”

With that, he took off down the hallway to what looked like he was heading towards his room. For a second, I froze.

It took a lot of work to get him to open up to me even this tiny bit. How can he just walk off and isolate himself again? I tried so hard to break off that wall around his heart, but I guess I only got a small chunk of it.

“Justin, wait,” I whined, then lowered my voice and muttered, “Don’t do this…”

I started to follow behind him and, luckily, I caught the door before he could slam it shut.

“Jackie, just… Just go,” he sobbed softly, tears in his eyes. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You can be yourself with me,” I protested, pushing harder on the door to get it to open, but the fact that Justin was pushing it shut wasn’t helping. “You don’t have to be ashamed to cry, Justin. Everyone cries. Everyone!”

“S-Stop…” he whimpered weakly. I paused for a second, letting go of the door only to be surprised at the fact that he didn’t take it as an opportunity to slam it in my face. Instead, he too stopped pushing and just stood there, his head pressed against the door. We stayed put there in silence and after a while, Justin wiped his tears and looked up at me. “I appreciate your concern for me,” his voice was raspy, “But do yourself a favor…” He stood up straight and opened the door wide enough for him to step through. Just before he passed me, he whispered, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

I let out a shaky breath as he walked back to the living room. For a minute there, my body felt ten times heavier and I felt like I hadn’t slept for days.

“You hungry?” Justin called to me, taking me aback for a second. I followed after his footsteps and found him in the kitchen, pulling out plates.

“Wh-? Wait.. You’re gonna cook?” I stupidly asked.

“What, something wrong with that?” he narrowed his eyes at me, almost in an awkwardly playful way. It didn’t take me long to catch on. All he was trying to do was break the ice and step away from the arguments we had just finished and forget about the weak position I had caught him in just earlier. But I didn’t think it’d be this quick of a transition.

“No,” I mumbled. “I just… Um… Nevermind. Uh, breakfast would be nice.”

Justin’s eyes burned into mine and he gave a curt nod. I watched as he pulled out pancake batter and set up all the necessary ingredients and tools.

“Would you like some help?” I spoke up, causing him to briefly turn to me.

“No.”

And that was that.

For the entire time Justin was cooking up some pancakes, I felt this restriction that it wouldn’t be smart to enter the kitchen. It didn’t seem like he wanted me in there with him. In fact, I’m pretty sure he was trying to have some time to himself and away from me—even if it’s just for a few minutes. Knowing him, he’s probably replaying these past few hours over and over in his head, trying to fathom what it all meant and what he should do with me.

Should he trust me? Should he give me a chance?

Hopefully, I’ve made it clear to him that I’m not going to hurt him. That that will never in my life be my intentions. I’d cut off my leg before I ever even think about trying to hurt him. He’s everything to me.

To pass time, I sat on the couch by myself. The entire place was so quiet, it was making me uncomfortable. The only sound in range was the clacking of Justin’s plates and spoons and everything else he was using to make the pancakes. And, like I always do when I’m nervous, I played with my thumbs and bit down on my bottom lip as hard as my teeth could squeeze it. I tapped my right foot against the floor repeatedly, occasionally curling my toes in apprehension. I didn’t know how much of Justin’s wall I managed to break down so far, but I’m praying it was quite a lot by now.

I remember sitting there, rather impatiently, waiting for any sign of Justin finishing breakfast when the doorbell suddenly rang. I froze, staying put just in case Justin decided to get the door himself. Except he didn’t.

He must’ve been thinking it’s Alfredo or something and maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to answer the door himself.

I sighed, standing up slowly and approaching the front door hesitantly. Unlocking it, I swung the door open to reveal Lil Za standing in front of me.

“Z-Za?!” I gasped, feeling a little starstruck.

Za eyed me up and down, almost as if evaluating me in some way. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he met my eyes once again. He opened his mouth to say something, to ask me who I was, but instead he kept it shut and examined me one more time. I awkwardly waited for him to do something other than to stare at me, and after about ten seconds, he finally spoke up.

“I didn’t think it’d come down to this…” he mumbled under his breath, though I heard it loud and clear. “Excuse me.”

He shoved past me and entered the hotel room, leaving me astonished. Feeling slightly offended, I shut the door and turned around to find Za looking for what I guess was Justin.

“Bieber,” he called out, before hearing the clanking of utensils in the kitchen and following the noise. Quietly, I also followed, but kept a huge distance between me and the boys. “Justin,” I heard Za say, as I peeked at the kitchen. “Who the fuck is that out there?” Justin didn’t reply to Za’s question. In fact, he didn’t even bother to greet him. “Answer me, bro. Is she some bitch you picked up from the gutter just so you can use her to please you?”

I cringed at the word he had chosen to describe me. Curling my fingers, I formed a fist before unfolding it and biting my lip again. I could hear the sound of a car passing from outside—that’s how quiet it was. But then Justin answered his friend.

“She’s not a bitch,” he muttered.

“Then who is she?” Za demanded.

“She’s not a bitch,” Justin repeated, angrier this time.

“Man, what the hell is wrong with yo—?”

“SHE’S NOT A BITCH,” Justin yelled, grabbing Za by the collar and shoving him against the wall. He leaned so close to him that their noses touched and Justin shot him a glare before uttering 3 deadly words. “Take that back.”

Za’s eyes were widened in shock as he gazed at Justin, whose eyes glittered with infuriating heat and frustration, though if you were to look deeper, you’d find depression.

“I’m s-sorry,” Za stuttered, the words coming out more as a question. Justin let out a soft sigh and slowly released Za before taking a few steps back. He scratched the back of his head and turned his back on Lil Za as he walked towards the stove to check up on the pancakes.

“Her name’s Jackie,” Justin spoke in a gentle voice. “Jackie Miller. Umm…” he trailed off, biting his lip. “She’s quite the opposite of a bitch, really.”

Za’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “She’s Jackie? Jackie as in, the girl I keep hearing about, Jackie?”

Justin slowly nodded his head. “Jackie,” he spoke directly to me as if he knew I was watching, “I know you can hear us, come in here already.”

My eyes widened and I blushed in embarrassment. Za turned his head to look at me and I gulped, approaching them slowly.

“Hey, I’m sorry for being so rude,” Za apologized. “I, umm—…” he stopped mid-sentence, glancing at Justin, who was too focused on his cooking to even look at us. Za stepped closer to me and whispered his next words so that Justin couldn’t hear us. “I’ve been worried about him lately,” he told me quietly, “I thought he had hit rock bottom and went around sleeping with women to forget his pain. I really am sorry I mistook you to have such a promiscuous identity.”

I remained silent, brushing a loose strand of hair over my ear. Glancing up at Za, I looked him straight in the eyes and smiled. “That’s okay. I’m worried about him too,” I whispered back, nodding slightly.

“Breakfast is ready,” Justin announced out of nowhere, getting 3 plates set up. 

“You know,” I began, “You didn’t have to do this. We could’ve ordered room service…”

Justin stopped what he was doing and turned to me. His eyes shone into mine and I found myself mesmerized by the shade of brown surrounding his pupil. An iris so brown, it resembled a sweet chocolate on a sunny day. I could feel myself melting under his gaze. It was the kind of look that made me feel warm inside. Something about him in general just gives me this safe, cozy feeling in my heart.

Justin’s lips curved slightly. It was a smile that was there, but it wasn’t really there.

“Room-service food isn’t made with the special ingredient I wanted you to taste in these pancakes,” he stated quite nonchalantly. He rolled up his sleeves and picked up the plates. “It isn’t made with love.”

 *