~ Chapter 13: Where Did We Go Wrong?  ~

[ Jackie’s POV: ]

“Morning, sunshine,” I heard a voice speak from behind me. Startled, I quickly turned to see Justin smiling at me. It was one of his true smiles, as if he had just woken up on a bright, Christmas morning to see presents under the tree.

“Hey,” I forced a smile, watching him approach me slowly. I tightened the grip I held on my phone before finally releasing it, settling it across the table.

“You look flustered,” he commented, pulling out a chair across from me and sitting on it. “What’s wrong?”

I looked at him, unsure of whether or not to tell him about the article I had read not too long ago. “Nothing’s wrong,” I sighed, crossing my legs and looking bravely at him. He stared back at me, waiting for me to say or do anything else, but I didn’t do anything except meet his gaze.

“You’re lying.” He leaned on his chair and stretched his back, his eyes becoming dark, causing his welcoming, brown eyes to turn into a challenging pitch-black.

Something tells me he doesn’t like being lied to…

“I’m not lying,” I kept up the act.

“Jackie,” he muttered, though it sounded more like a growl. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you assume something’s wrong?” I scoffed, not giving up.

“Remember when you told me you can read me pretty well?” he asked, a small grin forming at the corner of his mouth. “I can read you too.”

“If you can read me so well, you’d know what’s really wrong,” I challenged.

“You didn’t know what was bothering me, did you? You only knew that something was.”

Darn… He has a point.

“Alright, fine,” I rolled my eyes, sitting up properly. “We have a problem.”

His eyebrows raised in confusion. “A problem?”

“A big problem,” my heart ached at the thought of what I was about to tell him.

“What is it?” he almost whispered, as if this was a secret between the two of us.

I sighed, picking up my phone and unlocking it. I navigated back towards my mail, re-clicking the link to the celebrity gossip article about us. I looked back at him hesitantly, slowly handing my phone over to him.

“Just read it,” I spoke softly, sorrow filling my tone. Confused at first, Justin did as he was told, reading the article in his hands as I watched, waiting to see his reaction.

After a while, Justin put my phone down on the table, looking down at the ground and avoiding my gaze. “Why do you still read these?” he breathed, annoyance evident in his tone. I felt my heart clenched up.

“They were talking about me,” I gulped. “I had to know.”

“Jackie…” he said in a warning tone, finally looking me in the eyes. The lively, happy emotion his irises once gave off had rapidly faltered until he was completely solemn. “I’m just—… I’m not going to be able to do this. I’m sorry.”

I did a double take. “Wait, what?! What do you mean?”

“Us,” he simply replied. “You don’t know how good you have it, do you?”

“Come again?”

“You’re normal, Jackie. There’s no media constantly up your ass, is there? If the answer’s no, you better make sure your life stays that way because once they’re in your life, they never get out. They’ll make you feel like you’ve earned a free ticket to hell. They’ll invade your privacy to the point where you don’t even feel human anymore. Do you know what that feels like? Huh? Do you?”

There were sparkles of tears I could see threatening to spill from his eyes. I wanted to cry too but there weren’t any tears falling down. I could see how hurt he was by all this and I just wish I could relieve him of all his pain.

“I care about you,” he whispered. “It’s because of that reason that I’m not going to let you in to this life. I’m not letting you get involved in this fame-crazed world. You need to keep living life exactly how you’ve been living it all these years. I want you to be happy. You’ll find a man, Jackie, trust me—you will. But it can’t be me. I can’t give you the love you deserve the way a normal guy out there can. Besides that point, I’m too emotionally fucked up to even care for someone else.”

“But you cared for Alicia,” I pointed out. “That love you felt was real. It was from your heart.”

“It obviously wasn’t enough for her, was it?” he chuckled bitterly. “I’m beginning to feel like my love will never mean anything to anyone.”

“It means a lot to me, though,” I countered, desperate to make him see how perfect he really is.

“That doesn’t matter,” he shook his head. “I’m not changing my mind. This—us… It has to stop. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not going to ruin you.”

He stood up, walking towards the living room and gathering clothing from his bag. I chased after him, watching him take off his pajamas and put on proper clothes—ones that only meant one thing… He’s leaving. And something tells me once he leaves I may never see him ever again.

“Justin, stop,” I whimpered. “Please, stop.”

He zipped his bag up and slid it over his shoulder. “I need to go,” he simply replied, too scared to even look at me.

“Don’t go,” I sobbed. “I don’t care about the media. If it means I have you in my life, Justin, then I don’t care!”

I almost screamed the words, desperate for him to just listen. To at least once since I’ve met him, to stop everything and listen to possibilities. That this isn’t what I want. That what I want is him.

“Don’t you UNDERSTAND!?!” he yelled loudly, causing my heart to sink and my blood to freeze. The house grew so quiet you’d be able to hear more than just a pin drop. I almost even felt utter fear from him.

To be scared of my idol? When did I ever dream of that?

“You don’t fucking understand,” he snarled, anger radiating off his body. “I’m doing this for you. You can thank me later but, for now, let me do this. Let me leave and you’ll see how good you have it.”

“I can’t let you leave,” I cried out. “You’re everything to me and I can’t let you walk out. I k-know, okay? I know if I let you walk out this door now, I’m never going to see you again. All I’ll see and all I’ll hear about is some other rumor on some crappy celebrity article site. I don’t care about rumors when I know the truth.”

“Jackie, stop making this so fucking hard on me. You don’t ever have to go through any of this pain ever again if you just let me go.”

I paused at the words. To let him go? I just… I can’t do that.

“You lied, then,” I simply said, no emotion in my tone.

“Lied about what?” he mumbled.

“About liking me. You never liked me at all, did you?” I asked, tears blurring my vision.

“Why on earth would I lie to you about something like that?” he spoke quietly, the sadness he felt in his heart was slowly being transferred into mine and I realized—that’s way too much sorrow to carry around everywhere.

“Then show me that you were telling the truth. If you still like me—no, if you even liked me at all, stay. Go ahead. I’m not stopping you if you want to leave. But show me right now if you lied about that or not. If you want to go ahead and leave, I’ll know you never cared and I won’t question you for it. But if you stay then I’ll know you weren’t lying all along.”

Justin’s chest heaved up and down from the heavy breathing his lungs provided. He wiped a tear from his face and let out a small whimper. In the blink of an eye, he dropped his bag to the floor, made his way over to me and wrapped me in his arms, his grip tightening on me within each second that passed by. Without uttering a single word, he crashed his lips onto mine, kissing me slowly and tenderly, careful not to shatter my lips. He flicked his tongue across my bottom lip and dragged it to the top, inserting it into my mouth as my body fell weak into his arms. I kissed back with as much desire and love that he held towards me and was once again disappointed when he soon pulled away.

It was then that we locked gazes. We stared at each other’s mesmerizing eyes as he tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing my nose. “I really am.”

Before I could even ask what he was apologizing for, he released me and turned around, picking up his bag quickly and pulling the front door open. He took one last look at me as he sadly waved goodbye, a sorrowful smile plastered across his face before he completely left, leaving me to stand there alone, just watching him walk out on me.

Just then, a billion thoughts shot throughout my brain, spreading like wildfire.

W-Wha… What did I do? Was it something I said? I’m never going to see him again, am I? Does that mean he never cared about me at all? What about all we’ve been through? All we could’ve been? Does he not care enough to give it a try, no matter the challenges we may face?

Am I just not good enough?

Where did we even go wrong? I’m beginning to think he wishes he didn’t get involved with me in the first place. And it’s that thought alone that’s enough to make me want to break down and cry until my body runs out of water, only to evaporate and disappear into thin air.

Was I better off admiring him from behind a computer screen? Where did we go wrong?

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Aww, it was heartbreaking to write this but it has to happen :’(

(And I know this is a little later than I usually post but I do post on weekends and it’s technically still weekend so… Yeah, I’ve just been really busy. Sorry.)

What did you guys think? Is Justin right? Or is Jackie right? ;(

- Nina xx