Chapter Five

So there I stand, ashes landing on my boots. My nose burns from the smell of rotting bodies and smoking buildings. I've hardly moved from where they dropped me off because my legs feel like jelly and I can't catch my breath very well.

I knew it was bad, but not this bad.

Life as I knew it has been blown away by a few bombs dropped by the Capitol. Well, let's be specific. Dropped by Snow.

Somehow, I find strength in my legs and I began to head towards town. The closer I get to the Square, the more bodies that began to pile up. I have to bite my bottom lip and close my eyes to keep from throwing up my breakfast.

I suddenly want Delly by my side, even though I know that's not an option. For one, Coin would never let an untrained civilian outside of Thirteen. And secondly, I don't think Delly could bear to come back so soon. I just want someone's support. Anyone's. I'm even beginning to regret declining Gale's offer.

But I know I have to do this by myself.

This is a mission I have to complete alone.

"Peeta, are you doing okay?" Gale asks, his voice in my ear bringing me back to reality. I open my eyes and find myself trembling like a leaf just below the hill that leads to the Main Square.

"Yes," I say, hoping my voice doesn't sound as shaky as I feel. "I'm okay. Just needed to stop and think."

"When you want to be picked up, just ask," Gales says.

"Will do." I quietly say.

So, mustering up all the courage I can find, I begin marching up the hill. As I go, I can't help but to look at my people. Their crooked teeth and cracked skulls. Some are dented deeply and others are twisted in awkward ways.

I killed you. I think.

And you.

And you.

The mess Katniss and I made a little over a year ago has completely obliterated everything. My life. Her life. Our people's lives. Other districts' lives. Even lives in the Capitol. Nothing is how it used to be, and it never will be.

And once I reach the top of the hill, my realization crushes me so hard my breakfast finally makes a reappearance.

Bodies of innocent people are piled in the streets. They must have been running away when the bombs hit, hoping to find some safety. Unfortunately, that just left them as easier targets.

I'm not sure how I'll ever make it to the bakery to say goodbye to my family. I can hardly stand looking at the sight of people I didn't even know but feel completely responsible for. If it wasn't for me, they would probably still be here.

I hope that they went quickly and didn't suffer.

I wipe my mouth and continue through the bodies. If the stench was bad from afar, it's worse now. I pull my shirt over my nose in hopes of blocking out the smell, but it's pointless. It's all over me.

I pass by Delly's house. The little shoe shop is laying in crumbles around me. I reach out for a shoe that for some illogical reason is in perfect condition. I pick it up and wipe the dirt off of it. I hold it out in the sunlight, the leather shining brightly into my eyes. I place it back where Delly's house should be standing and it seems awkwardly placed. It looks so clean and new compared to the rubble surrounding it. I leave it there.

I reach the bakery and my chest begins to feel tight. My eyes dart around the scene, looking for a sign of any life. But then I stop. I don't want to see whatever is left of them. That would only give me worse nightmares.

So I close my eyes and my right hand grips my shirt just above my heart. I stand like this for a while, thinking about each one individually. My father with his helping hands and soft voice. Roti with his overprotectiveness. Ezekiel with his playful humor. Even my mother with her kind eyes.

Slowly, I let go of each of them one by one. I say my goodbye by thanking them and telling them I'm sorry for what I have caused. As I stand there, it feels like a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

Once I feel like I've completed my mission, I open my eyes and walk away before I see something I can never forget. I wipe the tears on cheeks with the back of my hand, hoping Gale can't see what just happened. But as I get farther away, I began to no longer care if he saw. After all, I've lost my entire family. And who cares how Gale sees me?

I feel emotionally drained and ready to return to Thirteen. But off in the distance, I see that Victor's Village is standing completely unscathed. I'm puzzled by this, so I head towards it.

As I get closer, I think about the conversations Katniss and I held on this secret path. Her plan for us to run away moments before we discovered Gale's whipping. When we walked to town after the Hob burned down.

I enter my house, slightly gagging on the almost sterile smell. It's a dramatic change from the air outside. I walk around the house, startling myself when I see my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes are sunken in, but look shockingly blue. My curls are matted in an unattractive manner, so I tussle them a little. My cheeks are more prominent than before, but I lay that down to a lack of eating.

I glance upwards, catching our last family photo nearly placed in a coal-covered frame. I smile, grabbing it and holding it. I was finally as tall as Ezekiel though neither of us could compare to the height of my father and Roti. Surprisingly, my mother has a pretty smile on her face. We had taken this a week after I came home from the Games.

I need to take this back to Thirteen with me.

I stuff it into my shirt and head over to Katniss's house. If I could find one thing in my home to take back, I'm sure there'll be plenty I can find to bring back to Prim and Mrs. Everdeen.

I march through the front door, remembering exactly where Katniss keeps her game bag. Then I begin throwing items inside. The picture of her father. The plant book we spent hours on.

I open the medicine cabinet, knowing I can find something useful inside. I grab bandages, aspirins, and plenty of other items that I can't give names to. Maybe this could help the citizens back in Thirteen.

Then my hand rests on a bottle.

I pick it up and open it, the sickly sweet smell throwing me back into the arena.

"I've brought you a treat. I found a new path of berries a little farther downstream." She says, bending down beside me.

I open my mouth, taking in the first bite. I swallow, the taste so familiar to me for some reason. "They're very sweet."

"Yes, they're sugar berries. My mother makes jam from them. Haven't you ever had them before?" She asks, holding out another spoonful to me.

"No," I say, trying to recall these berries. "But they taste so familiar. Sugar berries?"

"Well, you can't get them in the market much, they only grow wild." She explains as I take another bite.

"They're as sweet as syrup," I say, the pieces starting to click together. I take the last spoonful.  "Syrup," I repeat.

I shove the bottle into my pocket. It's empty, but it's another way to remind me of her.

I keep moving from cupboard to cupboard, finding food that I know I don't have room to carry. They're canned so they won't spoil anytime soon. I'm not too worried about them. I open the last cupboard and inside is a bag of peppermints.

I stare at their mesmerizing red and white swirls then gently pick up the bag. Huh. Who would have thought that I could possibly have memories attached to these? I think of my mother right away because of the recent thoughts I've had involving her. Then I think of Katniss. Haymitch and I had seen the Peacekeepers heading to her house near sunset and knew there was trouble. Naturally, we went over to check it out. We waited for hours until she showed up, holding a bag of peppermints and bandages. That was the night she jumped over the fence.

I pop a couple into my mouth then put them in the game bag. The sweet flavor dances on my tongue. District Thirteen could use some flavor.

Once I think I've swept the entire house, a noise startles me. I jump, turning around to see none other than Prim's cat. He glares at me then gives a little hiss. I'm guessing he associates me with Katniss and those two don't get along.

But I'm willing to try.

"Here, kitty," I call out, my voice slightly higher than usual. Buttercup tilts his head at me, looking confused.

"Wanna go back to Prim?" I ask. Immediately, Buttercup let's out a soft meow, looking more friendly. I grin, walking towards him.

"Come here, big guy," I say, picking him up and putting him inside the bag. He hisses at first, not liking his mode of transportation, but quiets down once I mention Prim again.

I decide to check my house one last time, just to make sure I have everything I need. Again, as I enter it smells strongly sterile. I crinkle my nose and follow the scent to my room. I open my door, the scent practically washing over me. I cough and push forward, my eyes being to burn.

And then I spot it.

My heart beats out of my chest as my hands begin to shake as I walk closer and closer to it.

Neatly placed on my dresser is the locket and pearl I gave Katniss in the arena. I pick them up, my body trembling as thoughts begin to run rampant in my brain. There's only one possible way these got here and it makes my stomach drop.

"Where's Haymitch?" I say into my earpiece.

"What did you say, Peeta? I didn't quite get that." Gale says.

"I need Haymitch. Put him on." I say, my voice quivering. He's the only one who could possibly know what to do right now.

"Haymitch didn't ride over here with us, remember?" Gale says. I must have let out a gasp or something to startle Gale because his voice hardens like an adult trying to understand why their child is crying. "Peeta, what's going on? Are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay.

Snow was in my house. He was here after the bombing, after the capture of Katniss. He left me her belongings to prove it.

Suddenly, I need to get out of the house. Quickly, I rush out the door while Gale shouts at me in my ear. I can't answer him right now. If Snow was here, he knows I'm alive and that Thirteen would bring me here soon. He probably has the house bugged with cameras, waiting to attack. He's probably watching me right now.

"Pick me up. Now." I demand, rushing to my drop off point. There are so many different thoughts scrambling through my head that I don't even realize that I made it back through town and down the hill without a problem.

The hovercraft quickly picks me up and we're off into the sky.

In my hands is still her pearl and locket.

Gale rushes to me, his eyebrows furrowed. "What happened?" Gale asks.

But I don't want to tell him. The only person I'm considering telling Haymitch and even that's a stretch.

So I shake my head. "It was nothing. I was just overwhelmed with everything." I say. "Mind if we sit down?" I ask, pointing towards the benches against the wall.

Gale nods his head and we sit beside each other. There's a good amount of distance yet Gale can hear the soft meows.

A smile breaks onto his face. "You grabbed the cat?" He asks, pointing towards Katniss's game bag.

I nod my head. "I think he misses Prim."

"Have fun trying to get this past Coin," Gale says.

"I'll try," I say. Gale stares forward again. He probably knows that I'm lying about not seeing anything, but he doesn't push it. My mouth tastes awful again, so I reach into the bag for some more peppermints. I grab a handful and hold them out to Gale.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "You really are trying to get yourself in trouble." He says, taking the handful and tossing them into his mouth.

xxx

Once we return to Thirteen, Gale and I go our separate ways. I want to go find Haymitch, but there are other things I need to deal with first. Besides that, I don't even know where he is.

I go to the Everdeen's room and knock on the door. Thankfully, it's Reflection Time and they're home. When they see me, soft smiles rest on their faces. "Peeta, how have you been?" Mrs. Everdeen.

"I've been better," I say. Their eyes landed on the bag, obviously knowing where it's from. "I went to Twelve. While I was there, I thought you might want a few items. You know, to make this place feel a little like home?"

I reach inside, pulling out Buttercup. Prim immediately reaches for him, petting him as he meows. She sits down on the floor, crying in joy about his safety. She kisses his head as he purrs against her.

I reach inside again, pulling out the picture of Mr. Everdeen. "I grabbed this, too. I thought you might like it." I say. Mrs. Everdeen gasps, taking it and holding it against her chest.

"Thank you, Peeta." She whispers.

"I grabbed other things, too," I say. "Bandages. Medicine. The plant book. I thought you might want them here."

"This is perfect," Mrs. Everdeen says. "Thank you so much, Peeta." She smiles.

"It's not a big deal. You guys have done so much for me. I thought I should do something back." I say.

"Peeta, you don't owe us anything. Don't think that you do." Mrs. Everdeen says, concern on her face. She steps towards me.

"I really do. You've been so nice to me ever since Katniss and I returned from the Games. I needed to do something to show you that I'm thankful for your kindness." I explain. That's not really why I feel so in debt to them. I feel in debt to them because I'm here instead of Katniss.

"Well, thank you." She nods.

"Thank you, Peeta," Prim says before enveloping me in a hug. I chuckle, hugging her back. Once we let go, I pull out the bag of peppermints.

"I hope you don't mind if I keep these. You can come over anytime to have some. I just think that they'll be gentler if they find them on me." I say.

"Keep them. Prim and I are hardly here anyways. It'd be better if you had them." Mrs. Everdeen says, closing my hands over the bag.

"Thanks." I smile. I leave Katniss's bag and say goodbye. I head back to my room, hoping no one can see what I'm sneaking inside. I put my peppermints and the locket and pearl into the top drawer of my dresser then gently shut it. On top, I place the picture of my family.

I walk over to my bedside table. The onion tops have dried, but I can't seem to throw them out. I walk to the bathroom, cleaning out the sleeping syrup bottle. The sweet smell is still faint. I take the dried tops from the cup and put them into the sleeping syrup bottle. There.

Two memories of Katniss.

Two memories to help keep me sane.

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Thank you guys so much for reading and commenting on this book! It truly helps to motivate me to continue updating quickly. And in case this is the first book you've read form me, I also have another Hunger Games book called Through The Eyes of Willow! See ya in the next chapter!