So I've had a pretty horrible day the other day and then I found this photo of Calum on Facebook and I legit couldn't stop laughing, so I wanted to share it. This feels important. This is the best caption ever.

***

We sat on the subway heading to Flatlands, the place I spent my high school years. I was super nervous, and kept rehearsing stories in my head and figuring out what I wanted to show Ashton.

"Did you used to walk to school or take the bus?" Ashton questioned after we sat in silence for too long. He really wanted to know everything about me.

"We didn't really have school buses, I walked or took the subway if it was raining." That was something I could share. "Sometimes one of my friends would meet me at the subway station and we'd take it together or walk."

"What were your friends like?"

I could tell him about my two closest friends, Sophia and Jenn.

"The three of us were inseparable in school. We had classes together my freshman and sophomore years, and were constantly hanging out when I wasn't studying or working."

And by 'constantly' I do mean the spare moments I had when I wasn't working. I worked a lot in order to provide half the rent like my father required.

"Do you still talk to them?" he asked, watching outside the window even though it was pitch black.

"No, we stopped talking partway through junior year." That was around the time Ryder broke up with me. He caused everyone to hate me and they stopped being friends with me. Which was fine, because it gave me more time to work and gave me the chance to save up some money so I could go to school and move out of my fathers house.

"Any reason?"

"We just grew apart." I shrugged. That was lie number one. Don't keep track, I scolded myself. If I ended up keeping a tally, it would probably just upset me. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't know what else to do.

He let it drop, probably sensing it was a sore subject. I tried to keep it light, but even still, there are some things that everyone knows are upsetting no matter what, and losing friends was one of those situations.

"I just want you to know, you don't have to tell me anything, okay?" He turned away from the window and put his hand on my knee. "If there's something you don't want to talk about, just tell me. I don't want to force this out of you Vi, I just want the chance to know you. I know you don't like to talk about your childhood much, and I get that, but you can trust me. I'm guessing something happened that you don't like to remember, but I just want you to know if you ever feel the need to share your thoughts with me, as much or as little as you want, I'm here for you, babe." He kissed my forehead and swiped the tears that started pooling in my eyes.

"Thanks, Ash. You truly are one of a kind, and more amazing than you know."

He smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

It was silent for a moment while I tried to think of a story I could tell him.

"Want me to tell you some stories about my friends at school?"

Ashton's eyes lit up. I knew this was important to him, and his feelings were more important than mine. I could remember a few good memories with my friends if it meant a lot to him.

"Yes, I'd love to know. What kind of student were you?" he leaned back to give me a once over. "You were a nerd, weren't you?" I scoffed. "A prep? Not a jock, you're horribly uncoordinated." I twisted my face in an angry pout. Rude. "Sorry, but it's true." He paused for a minute. "Not a loner, because you're so friendly and outgoing. You were class president, a good girl, always in the library reading books." He decided, a smug smirk on his face when I rolled my eyes.

Before I met Ryder, I was the friendly, outgoing, class president type. After he broke my heart, I became a loner. Going to college was a fresh start and I suppressed the urge to be that loner type.

"Yeah, that's accurate. I was VP of my freshman class actually, but I didn't do class government again after that."

"Why not?"

Ryder didn't want me to, and it took too much time away from hours I could have been working. But mostly because I wasn't allowed to.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask questions, I'm just really curious, and--"

"No, it's okay, I'm just trying to remember," I laid a hand on his arm which was gesticulating wildly from nerves. "You can ask, and I'll try to answer as best I can." I don't want him to feel like he can't talk to me. Even if I have to lie, I'm going to let him know as much as I can divulge. "I think I was working a lot my sophomore year, and I couldn't take the time away from that."

"Where did you work?"

"At a local grocery store. We'll pass it I think when we look at my school." He nodded. "This is our stop." I stood up, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans and exiting the subway car.

Ashton walked behind me as we walked out of the subway station and up to the street. It was bringing back all sorts of weird feelings, being here. I used to get off at this stop if I went anywhere uptown or to the mall. Ryder and I rode that train all the time. I really hoped he wouldn't be around here anymore. Hopefully he moved on and wasn't still living here. I did not want to see him, and I don't know what I'd tell Ashton if we ran into him. I don't think he even knows I have an ex.

"Well, this was the stop I always got off at when I went to Manhattan," I tell him, and he takes my hand as we walk down the street to the next corner. "I guess we can walk past my old apartment, and the school, the park I used to go to when I had time and liked to read at."

"I'll gladly go wherever you want to show me." Ash said, looking around.

"It's still about seven blocks from my old apartment," I look across the street to make sure there's no cars coming before stepping across the street.

"What was it like going to school in the city?" Ash asked, still keeping his eyes focused on the buildings and people. He really just wanted to experience everything I went through.

"I don't really know anything different." I shrug. "I guess most people would take a bus to school, but I would take the subway. Other than that, it's probably the same I would imagine."

"Did you like school?"

"Sure, I was pretty good at it. I graduated in the top ten percent of my class. I worked hard."

"You're super." He tells me, squeezing my hand. I blush and turn the corner with him, walking past the bodega Ryder and I would always go to.

"Here's where I used to get snacks when I wanted something," I tell him, pointing to the small shop. "It's really close to my apartment, so before school or after work I'd pick something up from here and bring it with me."

Ashton paused to look in the window, like he was searching to catch a glimpse at a past me.

"Let's keep going." I shook our joined hands and pulled him towards me. I wanted to get this over with.

I stop in front of a brown brick building. It looks the same as pretty much all the other apartments in New York, but to Ashton, this one was special.

"This is it." I tell him, letting go of his hand and putting them in my jacket pocket. I was wearing his leather jacket, again, because I love it and I hoped it would bring me comfort during this rough day. "Number 304," I lean against the railing on the stoop and let him have his look around.

There was a small flower bed hanging off the window sill that when we moved here I thought would be something my mom would have liked. I tried to get flowers to fill it with, but when my dad saw them, he called them a waste of money and dumped it out the window. Maybe they reminded him of her, maybe he just didn't like it, but after that I didn't talk to him for a week.

"So this was your home."

"More or less, sure."

"Can we go in?"

"N-no, I don't live here anymore. It's someone else's now."

Ashton frowned and cocked his head to the side.

"When you left, your dad moved out?"

How could I put this?

"Yeah, neither of us live here now. There's new tenants." And they put flowers in the flower box that sat on the windowsill, I noted.

Ashton hummed then nodded. I thought he would be ready to leave, but instead he sat down on the steps and patted the spot next to him. I looked around to see if there were any residents around who would be bothered by this, but I didn't see any so I joined him.

"We can't stay long, we're loitering."

"Okay. Did you used to spend the evenings in the summer sitting out here on the steps with your friends, or was that just a thing in the movies?" He asked, looking around at the neighborhood. There was a tree in the sidewalk to the left of the apartment, and one in front of the stoops on either side. I used to want to climb these trees, but they weren't sturdy enough.

I laughed at his question.

"Yeah, actually, that part is kind of real. Depends on the person, but I like being outside so I used to sit out here with a book, or with my friends or my--" I stopped, about to mention Ryder, but I don't think I wanted to do that yet.

"Or who?"

"Sometimes classmates." Blatant lie number two.

"That seems awesome." He grinned. "Would you ever want to live here again? Like when you're out of school?"

I loved being in the city, so I wouldn't mind it. But I don't think I could live in this city, not with the horrible memories I have of being here.

"Maybe. I love cities, but I also love the country, like in Minnesota." I shrugged. "I'd be happy anywhere, so long as I'm surrounded by people who love me." And that's the truth. I don't care where I end up, I just want someone to love me. I glance at Ashton who's looking right at me before I look away.

"Aw, Vi, you're the cutest." He booped my nose and stood up, reaching his hand out to help me. I almost ignored it, I didn't need his help, but I knew he wouldn't like that. I grabbed his hand and he smiled.

"Can we go to your school next?"

"Sure, it's not too far from here."

"You used to walk there, right?"

"Sometimes." We wandered down the road, passing by an elderly man pushing a cart with garbage bags piling up. There was someone sitting in one of the basement stairwells looking after us and I got a creepy shiver go up my spine, but kept walking, feeling somewhat secure with Ashton being here.

"Okay, my school was just a couple blocks that way," I point across the street and we continue walking.

"What was your best subject?" He asks me. I can answer questions about school, this is good.

"Probably science. That's why I'm going for nursing. I did well at it, and I like to help people."

Ashton smiles proudly.

"That's my baby, one of the best people on the fucking planet."

"Oh, stop it." I try to hide my face in his arm and he laughs.

"I'm going to keep saying it until you believe it, Vi, so get used to it."

I shake my head as we approach the school. There's not too many people around as it's break, and the gates are locked up around the court yard that Ryder and I would always take lunch at. After we broke up, I would hide in the girls bathroom in the gym and eat, because I didn't want people to look at me in disgust like they always did.

"Well, here it is: my high school."

"'James Madison High School'." He reads off the name placard.

"Yep, named after the fourth president of the United States." I knew so much irrelevant information about James Madison because I went here, like the fact that he was the shortest president at 5' 4" and that he wrote the Bill of Rights. They had walls dedicated to facts about him as well as played trivia games during every school assembly. "Technically, we're in another district, but my district didn't have a high school close enough so they just sent me here."

"And we're in..."

"Brooklyn, which is different than Manhattan. It's another burrough." I clarified again. It can be super confusing to people who don't live here.

"So, what did you guys do for gym? There's no outside place to play like soccer and stuff." He said after looking around at all he could.

"We had a gym inside and there's the court yard where we'd play basketball and tennis. We just didn't have grass."

"Hm, that's not very fun."

I shrugged.

"We made do with what we had."

"So who was your favorite teacher? Your favorite subject? Tell me all about your high school adventures."

"All right," I walked over to a bench and sat down, waiting for Ashton to join me. "Well, there were a couple important teachers in my life, the first was Mr Link, he was my ninth grade English teacher. I had just moved from Long Island and didn't know anybody in the school, and he was the person I owe my life as it is. He got me started on reading; we had to read 500 pages per quarter for class. Because we read Hunger Games as a class, I became obsessed with that genre and was reading 500 pages a week, actually." Ashton raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, it was insane. I kept a log of everything I read that year, maybe I have it back in Minnesota and I can show you."

"That would be super cool. So he got you into reading, what did that mean to you?"

"Reading was, and still is an escape for me," I watched two young boys run past, giggling and throwing a soccer ball at each other. "When life was shitty, I could turn to a book and get lost in it for a while. It helped me survive reality, because there was something for me somewhere else. Even if things weren't better there, at least it was something different." Ashton looked at me intensely. "D-does that make sense?"

"Yeah, definitely. That's what dancing does for me. When I'm at a dance, I completely forget all my problems. All that's there is me and my partner, and a kick ass dance. It's great. Everyone should have an escape."

I nodded. It's the only way I got through what my dad put me through, and what Ryder did as well. Without Mr Link showing me a whole new world though books, I never would have lived past my senior year.

"What else can you tell me?"

"Well, there were a couple other teachers that I liked, and I can tell you about my time on student council."

"Please, I want to hear it all."

Ashton and I sat on the bench for an hour and a half while I retold stories from hanging with my friends from student council and stories of me in class.

"No way he said that." Ashton laughed at my last anecdote.

"No, it's true. Everyone always wanted to take notes to another teacher because it meant they could be absent from class for a while and not get in trouble. Remember, security was really strict my first two years; if you were in the hall, you had to present your pass or you got detention. So when you were doing something for a teacher, you had special permission to not be in class, and my earth science teacher, Mr Crumpet needed someone to bring a note to another teacher and I think this asshole Scotty wanted to go, but Crumpet told the class the only person in the whole class he trusted to do anything was me."

"Damn, how much did everyone hate you after that?"

I chuckled. They already hated me because of Ryder, who was very popular, but that comment definitely didn't help matters.

"Oh, so much. Scotty actually threatened me because of it."

"Wait, really?"

Shit, I shouldn't have mentioned that.

"Yeah, it wasn't a big deal, really. They were all talking about how quiet I was all the time and he said something about how if he got in me a room he could make me talk or something like that. It was a stupid joke, and he never did anything about it." That kid always gave me the creeps, he was really disgusting.

"That's horrible, Vi. I'm so sorry. If I saw him, I'd punch him in the fucking face."

I rolled my eyes.

"My hero,"

He chuckled and kissed me.

"Want to get lunch? I'm getting kind of hungry."

"Sure, we can find something. What do you want?"

"I'm not sure, let's just walk around until we find something." he says. "I don't really want pizza anymore, we've had that so many times."

"But it's so good!"

"I agree, but I'm not in the mood. We can get you some if you want."

"Nah, I'm okay. We had some yesterday, I'll survive."

We walked back towards my neighborhood since we had to go that way to get back to the train station, and I made a stupid comment that I super regret.

"This is where we had my moms funeral."

"Really?" I keep looking forward, but I can feel Ashton staring directly at me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, she passed away when I was like 2 or something. We'd moved to Long Island just before that because she didn't want me growing up in the city. We came back here for her funeral, because that's where she grew up, my father just thought it was right. Right around here, somewhere. I think I found her old address once, but I don't know it anymore, and it's not like she was around to show me." I feel myself getting choked up thinking about it. I try not to, I mean, I barely knew the woman, but she was my mother.

Ashton stops in the middle of the sidewalk and wraps me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Vi." I close my eyes and take a couple deep breaths to recover my cool before slipping away.

"Thanks, Ashton. You always know just what I need."

He smiles and kisses me, then moves the both of us over to the side so people don't keep knocking into us.

"I don't know if it's possible, but is she, like buried nearby?" He asks. "Have you been to see her?"

I bite my lip. I went to see her once with my dad when I was young, but I do know where she's buried. There's one big problem...but it would be nice to see her. But I don't know if I could.

"Hey, you don't have to if you don't want. I just feel like you're torn up about this, and I know it's a bit different, but when my uncle passed three years ago, I didn't feel okay about it until I went to visit the grave. There's just something...peaceful about it. Let's you put all the bad feelings to rest, you know?"

"A-all right. Let's go then. But only after lunch." I want to put it off. I have a feeling I'm going to have to tell Ashton something pretty big I've been hiding, but maybe it'll help me feel better, who knows.

"All right, let's get food, then we can go."

We stopped at some cafe nearby before heading to catch a bus over to the cemetery by the water. I was quiet, but Ashton gave me space. We got off the bus and I just stood there, gazing at the entrance to the patch of green, unable to move.

"What would be better for you, if I came with you, or let you have this moment alone? Either is okay, I just want what's going to make you feel better." He said quietly, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I..." I wanted him to be there, but I didn't want him to see. I'm only human, and my need for comfort won out so I said, "Can you come with me for the first bit and then let me have a minute?"

"Of course, baby. You tell me what you need." He took my hand. "This is all about you." And that was part of the problem, I wasn't good at focusing on myself. The whole way here I was wondering if this was really a good idea or not. But maybe some closure would be helpful.

I wasn't sure I could remember where my mom was, I hadn't been here in over ten years, so I had to ask at the directory to see which plot belonged to my parents.

I was given directions, then we went over to the spot. I hoped Ashton wouldn't be his usual observant self. I looked at the tombstone with my moms name on it and suddenly it felt like my knees couldn't hold me and I dropped to the ground.

"Vi," Ashton had stayed a couple steps behind me, but when I collapsed he came to help.

"I-I'm fine, I just..." I started to cry and he held me. I didn't think I'd react like this. I needed to pull myself together, but for some reason my usual methods of calming down just weren't working.

"Hey, it's okay," He ran his fingers through my hair and I was able to take some shuddering breaths. "It's okay to fall apart sometimes, it happens to everyone. I'm here, and I'll help you get through it." Even his voice sounded thick and I felt bad for putting him through this. I composed myself enough to sit up.

"I'm okay now." I told myself. I needed to be strong for him. "I can get up." We both leaned on each other and stood up. "I'm ready to go."

"That's all you wanted?"

"Yeah, I saw it. There's not much here, let's go."

"If you're sure..." He seemed confused.

"I am, why are you being weird?" I deflected back to him. I tugged his hand toward the path we'd take to the exit before he noticed what I hoped to keep a secret.

"I don't know, you can stay longer if you want..." His eyes moved from me to the headstone next to my moms. I knew he was going to ask. "Who's that next to her?" I sighed and purposefully sat back down on the ground, head resting on my knees and arms tucked under my legs.

"Vi, you're scaring me."

"It's my father."

"Y-your father?" I had my eyes closed, but I  felt his presence next to me. "I didn't...."

"I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want you to know."

"Why?" He breathed. I didn't want to get into this, but I feel like he has a right to know. I can't keep everything from him or else he'll leave me.

"He passed away about 2 months before I graduated high school. He was drunk and went out with some buddies of his, and didn't come back that night." I was already 18, so I stayed in the apartment until it was time for me to move to Minnesota. That's why no one lived there anymore.

"Vi, I'm so sorry, baby. That must have been hard on you."

It was actually a relief, and I hate that I feel that way. He was horrible to me, and I was scared to be home if he was there. I never knew if he was going to go off on me or not. Him dying was the best thing that happened to me. I actually had some place to be where I felt safe. He was my father though, I shouldn't have been thinking like that.

I didn't cry when I found out, and I didn't cry now.

I picked my head up.

"You know my childhood wasn't the best, and it was mostly due to my dad. He wasn't the best, but I'm managing without him. I have my friends, and that's all I need."

"You don't have to defend yourself, Vi, I'm sure whatever happened helped shape you into the amazing woman you are today. Even in the worst of times, you still grow from those experiences." You have no idea. "I'm sorry growing up was tough. I wish I could have been there to protect you from every threat you've ever faced and keep you safe."

I smiled, knowing his heart was in the right place.

"I appreciate the thought, but it's okay. You're right, those moments made me into who I am right now, so if you had, I wouldn't be the same."

"True, and I fucking love the way you are," He kisses my nose and it makes me smile. "There we go, my smiley girl."

I'm silent for a minute and rest my head on Ashton's arm as we sit there. There's nothing I need to say to my dad, and saying anything to my mom would be useless. She's not here, and there's nothing to be done about it. Maybe dad wouldn't have been so rude to me if she'd been here, but that wasn't the case. His torment built me into the strong, hard woman I am, so I should thank him for that.

"Thank you for being here for me, Ashton; I think I needed this."

"Then I'm glad we came, baby. You must have been bottling this up for a while. Do you feel any better?"

"So much better." Telling someone that my father is dead pulled a weight off my shoulder that I didn't even realize I was carrying. I felt like if I jumped, I could just fly. Life could not get any better than it is right now. I looked at the ring on my finger, the gem sparkling in the sunlight. "You sure you don't regret this promise ring now that you know how messed up my family life was?"

"Are you kidding, Vi? That wouldn't change a thing. There's nothing that could change my mind about you. The only way you're getting rid of me is if you tell me to go. I'm never letting you out of my life otherwise."

That made me happy. Maybe I could tell him some other things in the future. Maybe.

"Well, I'm not letting you leave, so if you're not going to, then I guess we're stuck together."

"How lucky am I?"

***

Y'all I'm from Long Island and I'm doing research to make sure this story is somewhat accurate and i'm like wtf why can't I figure out what neighborhood i'm claiming Vi is from, what kind of sorcery is this? And then I realize brooklyn isn't part of manhattan and i'm like oh, duh, ashton you idiot how did you not know that and then was like 'you fake betch that was you' and now i'm the idiot. :/

Anywhooooooo this chapter is kind of cute and literally I just want an Ashton, is that too much to ask? have a good night/day <3

~ashtonfortherwin