---Patrick---

"Oh, hello there! Good evening, staff and students," Our principal, Mr. Nye, calls through the gymnasium. His voice is raised in the tone he always uses for presentations. The voice most of these students know by heart, "And welcome to this year's homecoming.

"We've had a great year so far, grades have been up, and it's easy to see that a lot of you have opportunity." He lists out a few dates, announcements, I don't pay much attention, Gerard's hand keeps fumbling with his pocket. The one with the condom.

I'm conflicted about what happened in the entryway. I... I was scared and uncomfortable... I didn't like where he was going with it, but at the same time, I liked it. I want him. I want him so very badly, and it makes me want to scream. I'm frustrated with it and him and Kevin and most of all myself.

But I can't think about that now. Gerard is here, it's homecoming, I'm here to dance for about three hours straight or so, and I honestly don't feel all that anxious. There aren't a ton of people, but I've already seen Melanie, Hayley, Taylor, Jon, Spencer, and Bob.

And Ashley.

"Anyways, tonight we have a couple of very talented students performing for us, Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph." Mr. Nye announces, gesturing to the stage.

I turn my gaze to the two boys on the platform. There's a piano, a drumset, a ukulele, and a microphone on stage. One boy, Tyler, is at the piano, a microphone at his lips while his hands are positioned at different keys on the keyboard while the other boy, Josh, is on the drums with a pair of black drumsticks in his hands. I immediately like him more. It's not that I dislike Tyler, I just used to play drums. I still do kind of.

"Thank you for coming and have a good evening!" The principal concludes with an applause from the students and teachers who showed up. He sets down his microphone somewhere, I don't see where, and all attention is directed to the stage. To Josh and Tyler and I wonder how the hell they can do it. I'd have a panic attack and probably end up passing out.

Josh taps his foot four times, marking the tempo. It's in the middle of fast and slow. Maybe a traditional paced dance... I don't know how to dance for shit so this will be kind of interesting.

The piano starts, Tyler pressing down on the keys softly. I can't identify the chord, but I decide that I should probably just enjoy the music instead of analyzing the shit out of it like I usually do.

The drums cue only a split second after Tyler starts singing and damn he can sing.

"I'm taking over my body,
Back in control, no more shotty,
I bet a lot of me was lost,
Ts uncrossed and Is undotted,"

Gerard bites his lip, trying to figure out an okay pace while I just stand there awkwardly. Oh dear god.

He smiles and laughs, making me laugh, and we both turn into a giggling mess while people around us actually start dancing. We try to copy them, somewhat, we had gotten a week or so of dance lessons before this through gym but we just barely passed so here we are, awkwardly holding onto each other while Tyler sings his heart out.

"You are surrounding all my surroundings,
Sounding down the mountain range,
You are surrounding all my surroundings,
Twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes,

"And I'll be holding on to you
And I'll be holding on to you," Gerard pulls me closer as we move, starting to get the hang of it. Just barely.

We dance for a long time. Seven songs pass by, a few we can barely dance to and a few we just end up sitting out while others are easy to move to.

Then a song hits me. It's their first slow song. Before this one were some faster-paced songs, I think I got the names down: there was House of Gold, one either called Doubt or Don't Forget About Me, Polarize, The Judge, Semi-Automatic or Twisted Up Inside, Fake You Out... Um... Ride... A cover of a song I've never heard before...

Anyways, this is their first slow song, and it starts out with piano. It's just Tyler now, Josh is sitting and watching the boy with such adoration in his eyes, I wonder how hard it is for him. Does he like Tyler? As a friend? Maybe more? Maybe just an idol. Either way, I know Josh looks up to him just from the way he looks at the singer.

It's Tyler singing the lyrics, Tyler playing piano. Lyrics that make my heart break a little inside. Notes that make me squeeze Gerard's arm for comfort. A piano that sends goosebumps down my spine.

Gerard and I immediately find a pace with this one. I bury my head in his chest, he wraps his hands around my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck while the boy on stage sings lyrics I've never heard before, but they nearly make me cry just listening to them.

"Now the night is coming to an end
The sun will rise, and we will try again,"

I continue to sway back and forth, sweat clinging to my forehead as Gerard's breaths guide my movements. Guide my body. Guide my mind through the darkness.

"Stay alive, stay alive for me,"

Those lyrics hit me. Especially when Gerard holds me impossibly closer as they echo through the room. An endless, "for me... for me... for me..."

"You will die, but now your life is free
Take pride in what is sure to die,"

This sounds like my near suicide. And now I can feel tears stinging my eye, chills shaking my bones.

"I will fear the night again
I hope I'm not my only friend,"

Gerard is here now.

"Stay alive, stay alive for me,"

I look up.

And Gerard has tears in his eyes.

I kiss him hard, tears streaming down my own cheeks softly.

"You will die, but now your life is free
Take pride in what is sure to die."

"Stay alive for me. Please." He whispers, so quietly I almost miss it. But I don't.

"I will." I reply, then press my head to his chest, "I promise."

"How strong are your promises?"

"I have yet to break one." I reply, just before I shake against his body in soft sobs.

***

"Lay down your arms
Give up the fight

"One, twenty-one guns
Throw up your arms
Into the sky

"You and I,"

I don't know how long we're riding in the back of Brendon's car under the moonless sky, Ryan is half asleep with his fedora tucked over his eyes while Brendon is still wide awake. It makes me begin to think that he drank a whole pot of coffee, a monster, and a bottle of beer because of how hyper he is at the moment.

Gerard has me pulled close to him with an arm around my shoulder and an earbud placed in my ear. Green Day is playing because I requested it again. Thankfully, Gerard doesn't seem to mind, he plays it for me again, and I appreciate it.

Ever since we left the dance, he keeps fumbling with that goddamn condom, and it makes me a little uneasy. Does he plan to use it? I... don't want him to use it but I do. I'm scared, but I'm eager. I'm conflicted, and the more I think about it, the closer to tears I am until one finally leaves me, and I hope to God Gerard doesn't notice. Then again, I don't believe in God. I can't keep on blaming him for all this shit if it's really my fault. I'm the one who makes him do it to me. I deserve it. I'm a mistake.

"Patrick, you alright?" Gerard asks beside me. He places a kiss on my cheek making me smile slightly. A tainted smile but it's still real. It's always real.

"Yeah, we can talk about it later," I whisper loud enough for him to hear but out of hearing range for the brunettes in the front. He gives a slight nod in understanding, squeezing my shoulder slightly, before returning to his silence as his soft eyes watch the city pass by.

I gaze at the houses zooming by outside Brendon's car. Buildings and trees but there's only one thing that isn't bland to me right now: The black haired boy beside me, Gerard. Compared to him, the world is dull, gray in the darkened sky. The sun has set, and the stars are coming out over the horizon. All the clouds from the past week have gone, and for the first time in what seems like forever, it's a clear night. Not that I can see anything anyways. There's too much light pollution, so the city's twinkles will have to do for now.

I feel the car slowing down, pressing us forward gently and with that, I recognize the block. I avert my gaze from the window to look past Gerard. A smile plays across my lips at the familiar sight of Joe's house. White walls, brown roof, and an oak tree in the front, housing bundles of leaves. Just as I remember it from three years ago.

And I'm back.

"Is this it?" Gerard asks, but it's obvious as Brendon gets out, the car door slamming shut behind him. I hand Gerard his headphone back.

"Yep," I reply.

Ryan groans, waking up and replacing his fedora atop is head before he stumbles out of the car himself, followed soon after by Gerard and I. We stroll to the front door, one foot in front of the other as we crunch the fallen leaves. Gerard's gentle breaths beside me, his hand in mine. He's beautiful. He's so beautiful, and I don't understand how. How he could be more beautiful than the world.

Knock, knock

Ryan leans against the wall of Joe's house drowsily. His hair is a mess of stray strands and tangles, but it's mostly hidden by his fedora. We'd seen Brendon and Ryan dancing pretty hard. By dancing, I mean sneaking off to the men's restroom and fucking each other. Ryan's also limping slightly now which he wasn't doing before the dance.

Brendon, on the other hand, is wide awake with much more stamina than Ryan. It's obvious in the way he's drumming on his hips with his thumbs and shifting weight between his feet constantly. His hair is also a bit of a mess, the spikiness flattened by his sweat and his jacket's collar uneven, from either dancing or fucking, I can't tell.

I'm doing alright. Gerard kept kissing me whenever we took breaks, but it couldn't get too heated as there were teachers everywhere and it didn't help that half of them are homophobic. Thankfully, nobody bothered us. Not even my ex, Ashley, she went with a boy named Brent while Melanie went with a boy I'd never seen before.

Neither of them talked to us, but Ashley kept giving me strange looks. Staring with a neutral look on her face but quickly looking away whenever I caught her. She looked like she... missed me... but it couldn't have been. It must have just been how she looked in the light.

Hayley, I saw, was with a boy named Taylor. They seemed to be having fun together. Meanwhile, Bob, Spencer, and Jon kind of just hung around awkwardly, trying to get a date but it was evident neither Spencer nor Jon wanted to be there. It seemed like neither of them even liked hanging out with Bob, but they have no other choice. How else are they supposed to get a name for themselves?

It's none of my business, though. I shouldn't poke around like that.

The door opens, taking me from my thoughts and revealing my ex- I mean... my friend. I guess he's officially my friend again, isn't he? At least after tonight, he will be. It was clear Brendon hates me. The way he fought with Pete. I would understand if they never want to talk to me again. I did leave them for three years without a word, and all of a sudden need them back again.

Through the doorway stands Joe with that giant Afro and I immediately know I plan on burying my face in it tonight. Just to make up for lost time, you know?

"Hey guys," he greets, holding the door open for us, "Pete and Frank are upstairs in my room."

Brendon and Gerard enter followed soon after by Ryan and finally me. Joe shuts the door, but while everyone else goes upstairs, I wait behind for him. We had barely talked yesterday, and I want to catch up a little bit with the little time we have.

Gerard looks to me from the bottom of the stairs, but I sign him to go ahead. He complies.

"Hey, 'Trick," Joe greets behind me.

"Hey," I reply with a small smile and a turn, "It's been... forever..."

He nods as he locks the door, "I know..."

I swallow nervously but finally let out a sigh. I know what I have to say. It's my fault I made him go through all that trouble. Then again, I don't think he missed me. It must have been a relief to have me out of his life, and now I'm back, and I just made his life worse.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, my head down. I swallow nervously, "For um... everything..."

He looks surprised that I'm apologizing by finally just pulls me in for a hug, "I missed you so much."

I'm shocked.

How? How can he still care for me after everything that I've done? After I left him for three years, how can he even look at me? Much more, why did he miss me? I'm such a fuckup. There's no way he could have, he has to be lying. Right?

The only thing that I can say is a word. One tiny, little word, "Why?"

Joe pulls away. I expect him to hit me, hurt me, yell at me. Anything and I flinch.

"Because you're my friend. You always have been. How could I not miss you?"

I bite my tongue, trying to stop myself from saying something I'll regret but no matter how hard I try, I can't stop myself, "But... I'm a fuck up."

"What? Patrick! What are you talking about? You're not a fuck up, you're one of my closest friends, please don't call yourself that, you are an amazing person and I really did miss you. I missed you so, so much why can't you see that?" He wipes tears I didn't realize were escaping me, "I barely survived those three years. I was worried sick, Man."

"I'm so sorry," I mumble, clenching my teeth to stop myself from sobbing.

"Patrick, stop, it's okay," he whispers, holding me close, there's a small pause then, "What happened? What happened to you while you were gone?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, pulling away and wiping my tears.

"You used to never cry. Ever."

I look straight up at him but look away in defeat, "I'll tell you, I-I promise... but not now."

He sighs and hugs me again, "I'm worried about you, I don't want you to be sad."

I shake my head, "Let's just go upstairs..."

He looks at me for a moment, taking in my expression but nods, patting me on the back as I follow him to his room, my head down and my shoulders tense.